Amazing Race - The Retread Edition
And they're off... stinking up the duty free, playing with rats, painting nails and chasing Capt’n Big Hands around the mat... did you see those ping pong paddles swinging? I’m telling ya... this epi totally validates the mysterious claims that everyone on this show is ... totally retarded!!! Oh... and we’re again reminded that “Rapido” is officially the international pan-lingual word for “I’d like to be obnoxious...”
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Ok ... we’re as far south as you can go without being a penguin...
~ clue it with an avalanche beacon... which is remarkably straight forward, as long as a) YOU ACTUALLY GET YOUR BEACON LOCATOR and b) you are not stupid guys from Cuba.
~ Air travel time... with fake drama and everyone on the same flight to Africa! Or as Uchen says “Go’en back to the motherland.”
~ Hunting land mines in Mobuto with
~ Detour is either filling 10 big ass bags with coal, sewing them up and hauling one across town ... or convincing someone to let you paint their nails. Duh! This was the lynch pin moment in the game...
~ zoom it to find Phil back in Mobuto... and if your coal dirt dirty Cuban “faggy raccoons” you can chase Phil’s ass around the park for a while. The midget and her pet human come in first!
Eric – who is a total dick – is pushing back on the exceptionally testy little wankers that are “Team Quido”... the gay guys with “old man ass’s”. Those guys are freak’en weird. Pushing them is the only thing Eric does that can be considered “good”.
It's hard not to appreciate the comedic value that the cuban guys are bringing to the show... Like being so daft that they can't operate a the beacon locator, calling themselves "faggy racoons" or chasing Phil around... :D
Ok... Uchen and his “back to the motherland” comment. Um Dude... talk about blowing it on home-ice. How come all the white folk can figure out how to ask a local for directions and you ... what? Spaz.
Oh eww. The flaming quidos? In the airport duty free... with all the cologne samplers... ack!!! ? Dude... someone has to sit beside you on the airplane you fricking pigs.
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Exactly how totally retarded do the pageants have to be before they find themselves watching from the loser lounge? No seriously girls... you’re giving hotness a bad rap man. Big beautiful smiles... and ... nothing... just a flickering vacancy sign. They start the game actually pointing at the sign RIGHT ABOVE the stack of bright red packs that everyone was grabbing one of...They even talk about the arrow on the sign... and off they go. D’oh.
And a close second... ALMOST EVERYTHING ERIC THAT COMES OUT OF ERICS PIE HOLE.
Tonights nugget? After racing from behind, in light “it’s hot outside” clothes, Eric and Danielle come in moments behind the (totally pain-in-the-ass) quido’s. So after yelling at her to hurry up ... he’s all “She got beat by a bunch of queens!” and he is genuinely pissed off. Geez.
Uchen and the girl with the very flexible face (We paused on several of her more animated facial scrunches... check ‘em out) get marked for elimination ... mostly because they couldn’t figure out that asking directions is a good idea.
So everyone heads off to do the coal miner gig, slaving away filling all those bags... No possible explanation other than xenophobic – stupid-ish’ness. The nail painting thing totally sounded easier and... was. Myrna and the stump were the first to try it and ... (sorry) She totally nailed it. This sent them to the mat with Phil way ahead of the game.
Without anyone still playing that actually deserves to win... I’ll cast my “hopeful vibe” towards the pageants... just ‘cuz that would mean they stay around as candy.
ps. exactly "how" does a tv-show-community (amazingrace) get "suspended"?