Survivor XIV: The Toilet-Seat Edition
The Bodum Diss!
Where in... sucking continues to be the way of things at Camp Loser, with Rocky-the-nut-bar and pussy-boy Anthony. Club Med, land of cutlery and toilet paper clearly doesn’t suck, but their demon players make Rocky and Puss look like angels.
Survivor 14... in 14 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Ravu, the Keith Richards of Survivor camps, continues to suck when Jeff sets them on one another for a nasty pillow fight that puts coffee in Camp Lucky. Stacy and Lisi diss their black team mates so bad it’s almost embarrassing, and Earl reads yet another clue at Exile that says the same thing as all the others. Immunity is the classic flip-over-two memory game played large with placards in a field. It’s close but Rocky, the village idiot, manages to blow it. So... do they fry him? Nah... they fry another young, fit, girl. No more endless Rita stories for Ravu.
We start with a casual reminder of just how pathetic Ravu is, set against everyday china piling up in the kitchen over at Camp Pampered Poodles. Earl leads the Ravu campers away in a plot to give Yao some time to find the idol, ... and Mr Twig blows his time poking at the ground with the machete and finds nada. Then Jeff takes ‘em to the first good Beat’en game for reward. A mud pit with a tippy platform for the evil one-on-one pillow fights. Holy Stomped! Moto spanked Ravu for seven out of eight rounds, with Anthony actually jumping off the platform. Yao almost snapped Stacy’s back in the only boy v. girl fight and the only one Ravu wins. Moto adds a Bodum coffee maker and fresh ground heaven to their Poodle Palace while Ravu dies a little more. Alex boggles when he can’t convince anyone but Edgardo that there’s no percentage is getting a hate on for anyone on their team – to manage numbers post merge. Nope... Lisi and Stacy refuse to explain how to use the bodum to Dre and Cassandra who end up drinking grounds-infested-coffee. Icy cold nasty biatch-city. Meanwhile they sent Earl to the island again and he gets yet another clue that says it’s hidden under the eve of their cave. They play this memory game for immunity... with a field full of cards that they run out of flip two over looking for pairs. This game highlights for the television audience that THEY ARE ALL fricking idiots. Ravu loses – of course – again, with a deft "stupid move" by Rocky. They go back to camp and decide to fry Rita... because she apparently talks too much. Unlike Rocky who never shuts the fuck up and drives everyone wanky. Er... gee.
"An ugly win, but a win is a win!" says Yao-man after trouncing Stacy in the evil pillow fight. He got their only win in the whole reward game.
"I gotta get rid of Rita first!" ... gah! Who the hell died and made Rocky-Retarded the man?.
"Love Many, trust few and hurt none..." ... another zen moment of peace from Yao-man the crappy digger.
There was a lot to choose from... Yao kicking Stacy to the curb, Lisi stomping Michelle, or the moment I realized that Lisi and Stacy were both candidates for "cunt of the year" awards... but truly, the bit that sticks out in my memory is Yao-man poking at the ground with the machete after Earl leads everyone off on a hunting expedition... Dude is 11 lbs wet and made of egg noodles, I know... but still you’d think he could muster the concept of digging when he really needed to.
Jeff’s Fun Filled Fiery Adventure
(aka "Tribal Council")
Jeff just generally looks kinda mean this season. I don’t think he likes Rocky. They vote, and it’s not much of a surprise... they toast Rita. For some reason, after what appeared to be everyone deciding to fry Anthony, they all change up to Rita because Rocky wants to. Grrrrr!
If either Earl or Alex win... I will be well pleased.
~ OMG that Lisi ... smack!!!!!
~ NO SHOW next week... but a new one the following week.