Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Amazing Race 11 Update!!

Amazing Race - The Retread Edition



How To Burn Kentucky



And they're off... goofing around in the very southern parts of South America and discovering that there is absolutely no truth what-so-ever to the notion that Oompa Loompa's are nice.



Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Fly way to Santiago Chilli, and find your way to the HQ of this mining company... pay no attention to the fact that it's the middle of the night, and they're all set up in a board room...
~ Road Block with someone going into the board room and deciphering Capt'n Big Hand's clue... find the letters and THEN LOOK AT THE WALL. Complex man.
~ Now boogie to this big ass open pit copper mine and shove Mirna and Shmirna down the deepest hole you can find...er...wait, that didn't really happen... I think I just imagined it. But they do have to go to the mine.
~ Detour with a choice between tightening a gazillion bolts on one of those crazy huge wheels on a crazy huge truck... or running a back hoe back and forth a few times to pile some dirt up.
~ Drive yourself to the Pit Stop. Oh and every body make sure you go the WRONG WAY for a while too... twits.

The Good
OMG ... Can Kentucky be any more like an Oprah or a Rosie wet dream? There they are... STOPPING to tow Bitch Momma and the Midget out of a hole ... only to have them just blast on by later in the game leaving them almost – but not quite – losers on the leg. It's even more "Good" (or perhaps I should say "Gooder") that they wise up towards the end and we get a sound bite of her (Kentucky) saying (paraphrase) "enough of this shit, no more mr. nice guy.".

The Bad
How is it that Ramber can get hosed by a flight delay, and screwed in the Road Block yet still find their way past everyone else to win the leg? Doesn't anyone own a gun... you're Americans for goodness sake... somebody shoot these people!!!!
No seriously... the bad? The "Bad" is how Rob is sooooo cool and happy about being Mr. Winner Guy but as soon as things do not go perfectly his way... he's all about being the angry guy. Just say'en... he is not going to enjoy fatherhood and Amber will likely have to kill him at some point.

The Ugly
Dude... did you see Uncle Fester when he hauled Kentucky's bags down from the overhead compartments on the airplane just left them in the aisle? Just say'en. When Kentucky got off the plane, his first job should have been to shave a fire extinguisher up Festers ass. No lube.
Fester, it appears, was of the opinion that he had been nominated official "Air Line Baggage Compartment Inspector" and was not happy with Kentucky's decision to use the overhead compartments in First Class. Personally, I think that was pretty smart on his part. Screw you Fester.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Everything Myrna and the evil little Oompa Loompa does. "Who is the most observant" was on the Road Block... so Myrna (typically) sends the Oompa Loompa in. Just say'en ... she may be observant... but only about shit going on in the first three feet above ground level. Most of the clues in this game were on or above the table edge... or should I say... Oompa Loompa's forehead.

The Losers
Mr. Can't Catch His Breath, Can't Walk Properly, Falls, Complains, Is A Dick On Airplanes and ... looks like Uncle Fester... was chucked. Fortunately. Capt'n Big Hands was being tested at the Mat when Fester didn't want to stay there to hear Phil say the magic "you have been eliminated". Hahahahah Sucka.

The Winners...
Ok... Sick Of Ramber already.
She's a conceited biatch... nice ass, but it's gone when she has kids and ... so is Rob. I did like it when she gave him hell for being a jerk in the airport to the other guy who was smart enough to cut the lineup. He had a point, however, about (again, with the paraphrasing) "Shut up Bitch... I'm just fucken with their heads to keep them on edge and advance our standings in the game... now get your ass ten steps behind me and s.h.u.t. u.p.". hahahahaha...

Big Winners...
No clue. Nothing. Better not be frigg'en Ramber... :)
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