Survivor XIV: The Toilet-Seat Edition
When Jimmy Neutron Grows Up...
Where in... nineteen sets of well polished teeth set about the task of seeing who can out stupid who. We got JJ, The Tick, Jimmy frick’en Neutron and ... god as my witness... Julia Sugarbaker!! Just to name a few. It’s like we’re channeling old tv shows and strange cartoons. Anyways... the theme is "The Haves! And The Have Nots!" with a toilet seat in one camp and sweetfuckall in the other. Looks like fun. Oh, and personally, I’m praying Jimmy Neutron has super human strength.
Survivor 14... in 14 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
A Jeff’less crowd of people who will lose this game make sand and bum around waiting for Jeff to show up and screw with them. He does by dropping a wee box on a parachute, that can only be opened by Jimmy Neutron. The box sets them on a hunt for supplies and a project to build Camp Has-A-Toilet-Seat. We’re talking cave-shelter, kitchen, outhouse, beach, SOFA, SHOWER. Sugarbaker is the architect so she gets to be queen for a day bossing everyone around. Jeff’s got a plan and everybody is playing their part. When the camp is good to go, and the low rent black guy (JJ) who stupidly calls his trailer-park self "Dreamz" has properly alienated himself by being ... a dick, Jeff shows up (Day 3, btw) and gets Sugarbaker to PICK the teams. She separates Rocky and JJ and seems to make "team reject" (Green – Moto) and "team buff" (Orange – Ravu). That’s 9 and 9. So Sugarbaker gets to go to snake island (exile) and replace whoever gets to be "first kicked off". They play a run-and-untie-knots game that ends with a three part word puzzle. Best part? Winner gets the good camp, losers get camp-shit-hole, vote someone off and get Sugarbaker in exchange. Moto does great, falls behind, pulls ahead... and wins. It was a race. Close race. But Team Stupid (Ravu) decides to fry the only hot girl because they figure she lost the challenge for them. You could hear the producers groaning off camera. J
James, the wannabe Rocky, essentially says (and yes I’m paraphrasing): "Look, I have a grade two edumacation... what duz "achoo" mean?"
To which, Sylvia... the mini asian version of Julia Sugarbaker, responds; "Askew... um, something that is not orthogonal."
BIGGEST DEADPAN IN THE HISTORY OF SURVIVOR
And then some spittle leaks out of the corner of James’ mouth.
Easy peasy!! When Jeff chucked the sealed wooden box at them and the big boys couldn’t open it with rocks and muuuuusssles (I swear, Boo looks like The Tick) Yao-men... the 200 year old asian ping pong champion super genius drops it on it’s corner and the lid pops off like exploding bolts had been remotely detonated. Oh how I like that Yao-man aka Jimmy Neutron, dude. :D
Jeff’s Fun Filled Fiery Adventure
(aka "Tribal Council")
So Jessica was – in theory – the Ravu-ite that was working on Puzzle number three in the game. They lost the game and blamed her for not getting the puzzle done. They didn’t blame idiot knot untying girl who blew the race from a time perspective at the very beginning. This blame was enough to let Jeff toss in a question to her about "would you be surprised" so we could watch her say "Yes I would… I think I contribute…" etc. Sigh. I can’t believe she didn’t get enough wind of the potential and organize some push back. I mean… there were 9 people voting!!! Gah. Stupid stupid stupid.
I’m guessing Earl. No special reason except he seems to have the right air of confidence.
~ You watch… Anthony will be "sound byte" dude for the whole first half of the season, unless he gets fried.
~ z’a good thing Sylvia separated Rocky and JJ. (two guys that made it past the psych test by the skin of their fricking teeth).
Invariably, every season, someone here in Lj flips out about how I link this post from the community back to my journal. I do this to several communities and it’s a nice way to consolidate the comments in one place. Think of it as a nice way to meet other people in lj. Alternatively you can make like it’s some horrible and evil thing I’ve done to trick you. If that’s you, I want you to think seriously about finding a doc that will put you on sedatives before you hurt yourself.