Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Another Survivor Update!

bbrrring..... bbrrrrring… click.
"hello, is this Mark Brunet?"
"yes, who is calling?"
"hey Mark, listen this is Serge Duplacie over at Visa Global. We got a little proposal we'd like to float across your desk... having to do with that thang you got go'en on down there in Auzzi-land."
"I'm listening..."
"Well we'd like to pony up on some of those production elements... you know... I can't imagine that Doreto's is picking up the whole tab... maybe we can pay a few bills?"
"uh huh... and for this... you want?"
"oh, well here's the thing... we want a little Logo action, 'course, and we'd like to see what you can do about turning an episode into a real weepy thang! All lovi-dovi... can you do that?"
"For money? hahahaha Sure we can do that...."

Survivor 2: Crying in Auzzi-Outback or Inbread and Proud Of It.

(Brought to you by the good folks at VISA, where your money is our money... go ahead cry a little.)

Episode In Brief:
waaahhahahahah wwahhahahah wwwwwwwaaaahhahahah sniff sniff... waaaa aaaaaawwwwhahhahaha bbwwaaaaahaaaaa snif. shuffle shuffle ... HONK ... sniff sniff... waaaaaaaaa.

Most Memorable Moment:
Cheese boi has this really big head, right. Being all thinned out due to eat'en Chef Pierres big honking servings of over cooked rice for weeks on end isn't helping the big head thing one bit… Then we see him walking towards the voting podium looking for all the world like Jeremiah Johnson (Robert Redford plays "Mountain Man" - great movie)… 'cept it's Jeremiah with a big freaking head Where'd he get all the gear to dress like a combo Mountain / Cave man?

Biggest Bitch About This Episode:
Where the hell 'd they get fire? Last time I looked, they had been totally washed out by the flood that CBS redirected to wash out their camp (hahaha) and Chef Pierre had said the matches were toasted in his jacket pocket????

Biggest Laugh:
"Oh and look… a forest fire that we didn't notice, went out yesterday and left this purrrrfect burning log for us to relight our day 35 fire. Heck, I'm surprised the Chef and Farmer Joe didn't just get down on their knees and wait from commandments from that burn'en bush… "Thow shalt not be a total goober in that silly blue hat!" "and you, Farmer Boi. It's not ok to stare like that at Miss Coconuts… In fact I command you to sacrifice yourself."

Day 34:
So day 34 starts out with a weeping fest via the now standard final 5 voyage to the "loved ones" - remember Jenna and the tape that didn't arrive in time in S1?… oh gawd that was priceless. Well at least we weren't subjected to anyone even close to being as freakish as Susan's (Survivor 1 Truck Driver Girl) huge husband. Although I did note that Roger's son-in-law looked like a young clone of Richard Hatch …

We're treated to touching scene of Coconuts picking eye goop off Farmer Joe. This needs no send-up…To quote "Will and Grace" from last night "you know how you do something you think is gonna be all cute and in the end it's just icky?"

The gang gets to do a little on-line chat with family members and loved ones… everybody had a gang on the other end, 'cept cheese boi… only his Ma shows up. Hmmm…. ? Then they ask 'em all dum di dum stupid questions (the loved ones) and the winner gets to chat for a half hour and the winner FLASHING THE VISA CARD gets to shop online for gifties… (Good thing Rodger didn't win… he'd of just gone and started buying lifetime memberships on all the collage-dorm-cam web sites)…
K! One of the questions was (no kidding) "Of the 10 most deadly snakes in the Outback, how many live in Australia?" holy crap guys… Mitchell Olson left ages ago… you can raise the brain bar a bit…

Everybody cries their eyes out… Coconuts demonstrates just how scary someone's "crying forehead wrinkles" can look, Cheese boi makes a stab at a Reebok sponsorship with a bandana, Keith… Keith proposes to a really great looking girl that they got to stand-in for his actual sweet heart… and Tina wins!!! (she finally wins something! Woohoo) - and I'm thinking her squeeze looked like, sounded and acted like a good guy. So now I want her to win. Hands down.

Day 35:
"He's a foo… The guys a bozo!… I am through with my game with Keith!" (Yes he said "Foo" not "fool") This from the bone-head that managed to let Scari stay on-board for so dam long…. And true to his word… all that anger internalized to take out on his older brother later.

Chef Pierre is a rice cooking maniac and the hungry losers are having trouble with actually saying… "Um, Keith, let me measure the rice for you to cook." and be done with it… nonono they must go for drama. This is television after all… ya wouldn't want us to demo any common sense or conflict resolution skills… (we do, however, get to see a really priceless sneer from Coconuts)

Immunity Challenge straight out of the mixed up mind of Jeff Probst's darker side… Everybody in chains and locks… "answer me these questions three…" I am practically screaming at the TV in the mad hope that somebody, anybody besides Chef Pierre gets immunity… and he looks like he's got it nabbed until he TOTALLY BLOWS IT… sweet justice.

Cheese boi maintains his lock on all things requiring any activity at all… still running on the fumes of the food he stuffed his pig head with on the Ranchero Excursion last week.

Day 36:
The Council of Dump!
Well if Joe Joe the idiot bear hadn't practically begged Tina to fry his 53 year old ass we may have seen the Chef get his just desserts… but alas, Colby, Keith, and Tina voted for Roger therefore ensuring that Coconuts will be an emotional basket case for the next few days… Farmer Joe quite literally sacrificed himself for Coconuts… tears everywhere… brought to you by VISA… Watch for Roger in an upcoming Visa print advert.

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