Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor XIII Update!!!

Survivor XIII: Race Wars



Jon's Story



Where in... we are treated to a little self-mutilation, a cloning experiment gone horribly wrong, middle aged women flashing back to a bar in Ft. Lauderdale, and a great deal of stick'en it to Jon. Yessirree, it's official... there's not percentage in being a mutineer.



Survivor 13... in 13 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Girls bitch'en out on Jon Jon as they chop coconuts... and Parvity's thumb. Stitch stitch stitch... then it's on to the "loved ones" episode, and we all scream and hide when we realize Adam is a clone. They play "blind people chucking water and loved ones catching it." Thumb-girl wins, chucks Jon to Exile and gets to take two other pairs "with" on an picnic adventure to what appears to be a big toilet. Yul, Ozz and Becky – left behind - decide to tempt karma with food issues and Immunity is all about not fricking getting killed. Of course, Ozzy does that best and wins, so they do some serious cold vibes on Jon then kick him to the curb – where, by the way, he like-as-not gets to bang his still at camp-loser, wife... so whatever. :)

The Details
Bitch bitch bitch... the girls go off on Jon for a while, as they chop chop chop the head sized coconuts. A Stephen King moment if there ever was one, and Parvity – little miss mattress back – hacks into her thumb and screams. Sundra makes us all barf with her description and the now cliché auzzi medic sews her up in camp. Jons mouth was saying "we're proud of you Par" and the thinking bubble above his head read: "Die die die die die...". They head to the Reward Game and while I was gunning for some kind of "who can press their thumbs down on these rocks the hardest" game, Jeff spoon feeds hugs from loved ones to them, introducing a wife here and a mom there... expected Yul's grade five math teacher, got his brother, and then Adam's so-called-dad shows up. Holy crap!! It's a great big giant gray haired Adam with that same creep city open mouth "I'm gonna eat you" smile. Clearly Adam is this guys clone. Oh the humanity. Anyway, they play this game with the twits blindfolded chucking buckets of water at their "loved ones" (and clones) who have to collect it to make the bucket move or something. Dude... Ozzy's mom and Jon's wife both start gathering their soaking shirts to wring ‘em out in the bucket. Ozzy's mom makes this dorky face, looking sheepishly over her shoulder like she's flashing on that big mistake she made in Ft. Lauderdale back in college... and then she smiles. Good plan, but MAGICALLY Parvity wins and in no time flat, Jon is off to exile island. Thumb-girl gets to take dad, and two other couples on this picnic thing with some natives to a sacred water hole in a sacred cave... where they chuck a bunch of crap in the water, and then jump in!!! You just know they all pee'd. Meanwhile, Ozzy's pissed that he's feeding folks who beat his ass in the competitions so he wins over Yul and Becky on a plot to stash the food. The Sacred Toilet gang comes back and has brought back all kinds of food... Then Ozzy's penis falls off. Immunity is this "collect the sticks" game that includes running over this floating, rolling, bobbing, flipp'en dangerous obstacle course. It's plenty hard, and while a couple of them take nice spills, it's Sundra that does the feet in the air, massive hip slam into a barrel that has me moaning on my sofa (so it must have hurt! :D) No big surprise, Ozzi wins. They get back to camp and quite literally they freeze Jon out like he was a baby rapist. He gets the big "bite me" at Tribal and the retribution for Mutiny is complete.

Fav Quotes
Jeff... in general. After thirteen seasons... he's really sounding like a nasty colour commentator at a college football game

Most Memorable Moment
Total toss up between that goofy face on Ozzy's mom when she's wringing out her shirt and watching Sundra almost-kill-self in the Immunity game. Her fall had to hurt... like, next day limping, black bruise, kinda hurt.

The winner...
Still thinking Yul has it.

Skull Time
(aka "Tribal Council")
Pretty straight forward... Jon's number was up big time.

Two Things...
~ How sacred can that cave water be if they all swim in it?
~ I've been having nightmares about those clones.... !!!
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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

    Hiya. :) Today was one of those “oh look… LJ is still there” days. Oh how I miss the old days when LJ was pretty much a playground filled with my…

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  • 12 comments

  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

    Hiya. :) Today was one of those “oh look… LJ is still there” days. Oh how I miss the old days when LJ was pretty much a playground filled with my…