Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 10 Update!!

Amazing Race 10 Update!!


And they're off... bolting from Madegascar and heading to Helsinki, Finland to show them there Fins that politeness is for pussies! Oh, and HOLYCRAPMAN... did you see Kim’s mom, holding up that dog? I couldn’t tell them apart!!! It’s like magic.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Get up!!! Wake up!!! You sleeping again?
Go! Get off my island.
~ fly to Finland, where the Pageants fully expect everyone to be in wooden shoes.
~ find a cab to some café and ... suck back a cute little "message from home" thing... netting the show a bundle from AOL... (a little bile jumped into my mouth when they all started saying "thank you AOL" as if it just occurred to them out of the blue) which was cute and all, but watching the cleaning ladies blubber and spittle was a bit much.
~ find some place with a cliché finish name... 18 consonants (lots of v’s and f’s) and like, four vowels.
~ the Detour; over the vast mud swamp on cross country skis planks, or slog yerself through the mud on foot – or hands and knees.
~ trains trains trains...
~ drive drive drive...
~ ride a rail down a mine shaft
~ Roadblock: bike a mile into the earth, get a rock, bike it back, smash it, yer golden.
~ clue it back to Olympic Stadium, Helsinki style...
~ and after busting yer but to the checkpoint, walking DOWN the outside of a giant tower... to get a clue that says, "keep racing".
~ dude? No Cap’n Big Hands?

The Good
Because I love being right about people... it was good to see the Pageants once again totally miss a sign and drive off in the wrong direction, letting the druggies slide into first. Of course, they thought everyone wore wooden shoes in Finland.

The Bad
Everything about the Cleaning Ladies... From the way they so calmly busted up an amazing display of good social grace – aka a taxi cab queue at the side of the road – to just snag the next cab to the ever so revealing crack about being disadvantaged by their ugly (with slow mo camera action of the pageants running out of the airport in tank tops: "they come running along with the boobs hanging out and bare arms out" BARE ARMS OUT???? !!! BWAhahahahahahahaha... gosh... wouldn’t want any o’dat bare arm action.

The Ugly
Oh my god... when Kimberly’s mom comes on the mini-aol-vid-messag-from-home and holds up Snuggles, the family pet... SHE LOOKED EXACTLY LIKE THE DOG!!! Poor Kimberly...

The Exceptionally Pathetic
How the hell can the cleaning ladies run around, with that bone crushing chip on their shoulders?

The Losers / The Winners!
Well... none tonight. No "big hands at the mat" moment.

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