Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

The Deer Hunter

So ... let me explain.

After picking up Geo at his friends (he had a sleep over... :D) and going to Home Despot, we began the trip home and I reveled in the joy of driving the newly paved "back route" that totally cuts the trip in half. A sort-of rural road (Huntmar) behind the corel center er... I mean Scotia Bank Place...

Toodling along on a wet road, somewhere between 60 and 80 km/hr...
Adjusting my rear-view, to rotate in the "Dimmed" view because that guy behind us was getting soooo close.
Bother.
"oh" I say to myself... "where the heck is that coming from?"
A car coming in perpendicular to the road... head lights.
But I had no recollection of a road there... perhaps a private drive?
It's up ahead a bit... but

** we now enter "bullet time" as in matrix like time slow down zone thing... **

My headlights are suddenly illuminating two big furry asses,
I mean... one fractional second it's black highway and headlamps...
The next fractional second it's fur and assholes.
On to the next fractional second... I see BOTH deer faces as they have turned their necks towards the source of all the fun and excitement.

Now... you may see, in your minds eye, a well dressed, mature guy, facing tremendous danger...
Down shifting in a heartbeat... locking-up all season radials...
noting the imminent danger of the "too close behind me" car,
slamming the responsive wheel of his performance automobile to the left,
noting the oncoming vehicle that just turned onto the road from some mysterious private lane...
slamming the wheel back to the right ... and accepting the terrible fate of having to
NAIL one of the deer in it's hind quarter, and feeling the car absorb a crumpling impact that falls away to the right,
Then with continued deceleration, reaches a complete stop.

Yeah, so like I said, you may see all that ...
But what Geo saw?
Totally nothing to do with James Bond...
His view was more like...
For no apparent reason what so ever...
Dad begins to scream like someone is chainsawing through his shins...
And ... while artfully maintaining the complete "blood curdling" range of scream,
he begins to madly sweeeeerve back and forth across the road, tires screaming,
then with an awful THUMP, and CRUNCH... we slam into something that appears to bounce away to the right.

No really... I was screaming away to beat the band.
Of course the whole thing took 3 seconds.

We couldn't see a dead or mostly dead deer anywhere and I didn't think the car was much damaged...
I didn't have my cell phone... NONE of the other players stopped (dick heads),
And Geo was mightily upset.
So we hugged for a few minutes and then drove home.

I turned on the 100,000 watt "task light" in the garage and holy crap!!!
The grill is smashed in, the hood is dented and lifted out of his sockets (I don't know that I'm talking about... can you tell?)
... and there's fur everywhere.

The cops went to the scene.
Didn't find a deer, but documented my tire marks and a "great deal of fur".
I got a police report filed and it seems to be "all good".
My insurance will take care of everything and geo and I both fine.
There were four deer hits at dusk in Kanata tonight (the part of Ottawa I live in), or, so said the police woman at the station.

Ok... that's my story. :)
and it could have been loads worse... so, despite the amazing piss-off of this... I should be grateful that it's a small affair.

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