Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XIII Update!!

Survivor XIII: Race Wars

Jon Jon and Big Leap

Where in... Camp Lazy gets a new puppy, and some candi stuck in their teeth. Meanwhile back camp wins-everything... Yul rules. It’s time for Jeff to try a little twist-o-rama thing and surprise surprise, it works out better than I bet he dared to dream.

Survivor 12... in 12 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Oh look, Jeff’s got a twist. Candi goes to Parviti’s open arms and Jon Jon follows because –for some reason- he wants to be Adams go-boy-slave. Reward is all about Aitu, reading letters from home, crying, and eating. All for rolling a barrel full of girl around for a race. Candi goes exile, Jon goes slave boy, and Aitu kicks Raro ass again in Immunity... Nate’s home boy escapes for a bit and then they chuck Brad to the ... Jury (as per Jeff’s last surprise of the episode.) :D

The Details
Yeah, so Mr. Plan Plan, Jon the evil schemer is all about the "Lets fry Ozzy" thing ... then he’s all about confiding in Candice... thinks she’s his ticket or something. Meanwhile? Candi-girl is hate’en the Jon Jon. But look... what have we here... Dom Jeff offering up a chance to bail, to jump ship from tribe to tribe and make the grand assumption that the other tribe actually wants your sorry ass for something besides tribal council cannon fodder? It’s mutiny time and while Candi tries to be careful and leaps at the two seconds left mark... idiot boy Jon Jon jumps out with her at one second. Then you dive into her brain and watch as she imagines unloading a full clip into his face, stomping his sorry ass down and sicking the dogs on him. Back to reality and Camp Yul is down to four little Indians. They play Reward and it’s a blast with two four person (2b 2g) teams racing from here to there, but rolling two unfortunate girls, together in a barrel the whole way... and I mean OUCH!. There’s swimming involved and pushing and pulling and... Raro is staffed by the people that can’t find the door on the short bus. They lose... and Aitu (now Yul, Ozzy, Becky and Sundra) get to rock out with munchies and letters from home. This, of course, leads to many tears and an actually group hug thing. Meanwhile back at camp three-ring-circus, the little dog is jumping back and forth over the big dog saying "So Spike, whaddya wanna do today Spike? Spike?" Jon could work harder at slaving for his new masters (you big big big giant loser twit) but he’d die in the effort. Raro losing means Exile island and Aitu sends turn coat Candi to the island and leaves idiot boy Jon to fend for himself on Raro turf. Immunity is all about floating a glass bottom boat over a target and dropping a canon ball on it. Sounds easy... was hard... Jon started up well for Raro but we have to remember that he is an idiot and, of course, goes on to behave like an idiot. They lose.
Aitu rocks again... and we figure Jon Jon is toast. But what’s this? Adam plots it out and sees that it would be better to have hated Jon Jon on the team when the merge comes because, of course, everyone will want rid of him. So they go after Brad and fry his "I’m spatial" ass and 19 days of beard – which, btw, makes him really look like a monkey.

Fav Quotes
Jon, dropping the race bomb to his theoretical ally, Candice: "... we’ll have four Caucasians in the final four!". Ouch.

Jeff, not letting anybody’s foul mood spoil his; "... and Jonathan getting frustrated by me!" (during the immunity "aim game")

Nathan, showing a little of his down home spirit; "Me and Adam wanna take a brick and beat him in the head with it." Um... right... you big big freak.

And Jenny, clearly missing her glycerin face wash, has to bring pimples into tribal council with "[after the merge] we’ll pick ‘em off like zits!". K... yuck!

Most Memorable Moment
I realize they did it a lot through the show, but there was a moment near the beginning when we’re listening to Yul talk... and all of a sudden, out of the blue... SUBTITLES... like we can’t frick’en understand his engrish? Bwaahahaha... he speaks better English than most... and I can’t help thinking of that video that’s floating around of the fake news reporter from Iraq, interviewing bad-guy militia dude and giving him subtitles while he’s speaking English... and he flips out... bwahahaha...

The winner...
Gotta be Yul!!!

Skull Time
(aka "Tribal Council")
Man that Candice is a real shit disturber. She’s none pleased at Jon Jon following her over but she’s fine with plotting his ouster so, anything goes. Sadly, we don’t get to see the wonderful irony of his being voted out tonight as they still got a hate on for Brad. So ... it’s brad.

Two Things...
~ frigg’en good thing Aitu won that Immunity!
~ I was totally sure no one would mutiny. Man, Jeff must have been pleased with himself when those two stepped out!!
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