Survivor XIII: Race Wars
I Got Yer Metal Culture... Right Here.
Where in... we are treated to the sight of Nathan being gelded, all of crew Asia Minor acting like they have pencils in their buts, and young, white and stupid arguing the merrits of being lazy. We are reminded that the Devil is in the Details... "Details" being just another word for OZZY! And Lord Jeff gets the shocker to end all shockers.
Survivor 13... in 60 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Oh look... Team Noir has a flint and can’t make fire... well, Nathan can’t make fire. He caves and tells them there will be no fire... until, that is, one of da bitches – you know... the girls that tossed the other overbearing, chauvanistic black dude off the island last week – grabs the flint, the hatchet and makes sparks baby... sparks, and flames... so she can roast Nathans well diced testicles. Meanwhile, back at the Copa... the Copa Cabana, Tony sailed across the bar... er, I mean, Ozzy decided idiot boy Billy had to go. Oh, and in case it comes up, Ozzy wants you to know he’s always right, all the time... mmmk? Asia minor is snagging wild chickens and having to endure Cao Boi not embracing the Yellow-Class vibe. He’s all about cracking racial asian jokes, and talking with an accent... while these other stuffed shirts think he’s reedick-you-ous. Whitie is happy to welcome home their recently exiled Jon although he’s none too pleased with the total lack of industry at camp. Adam has a bit of a hissy fit about working and Jon dreams of being an X-Man with laser eyeballs! Reward is tied up with Immunity, and everyone is tied together in their teams to boogie through an obstacle course, and solve a puzzle. Everybody is ripping along like mad... everyone except evil Ozzy and the Miami Sound Machine. Team Latino is all about the "go slow" so they can toast up some Billy at council. Ozzy flashes a pure evil smile several times and when Jeff is handing out Immunity to everyone but them, Billy looks over to Whitie and comments "I’m next". Ever the kind soul, Candice pipes up with "Awwwww... WE love you!" ... then freak boy says "I love you too." And so starts his mad decent into crazytown. They get to send someone to Exile Island, so they send Yul. Yul goes... uses his significant brain, and solves the riddle of the hidden idol. "Hey Yul? Is that an idol in your pocket or are you just happy to see us?" The Latinos go to tribal, admit to tossing the competition and thankfully fry Billy after he announces his love for Candice... (whaaaaaa?) Jeff is gob smacked... totally and Billy is (to quote him)"Dead serious". Hahaha... good bye stalker zombie boy.
JP: "Latino’s are good workers... it’s in our heritage." Ah yes, unless, apparently, the latino’s in question are into "Metal Culture" (and are complete nut jobs)
"I don’t feel Latino... Like I’m outside... My culture is Metal. If we had a Metal team..." Oh you big big idiot. Get the hell out of grade 10, take the hanky off your head and stop walking around like your waiting for the store detective to bust your pathetic ass for stealing the pimple cream.
Ozzy: "I know they’re going to suffer if they lose me!"... Attention Attention, out of control ego on the loose.
"I’ve never heard anyting that surprised me more than what you just said..." Now we feed that into our handy-dandy Jeff translator and out spits "Oh my god, you retard... are you fucking kidding me?"
Most Memorable Moment
Do you watch Jon Stewart? Ever? See, he (Stewart) does this thing... this double take "whaaaa?" thing... and Jeff did one of those tonight. OMG it was fricking priceless. His eyeballs did a total boggle, his jaw dropped open and you could feel his pain in restraining a well deserved verbal thrashing. This, of course, is his reaction to lover boys revelation.
I'm thinking Yul is the way to go... although I'm keen to watch Pavarti's game.
(aka "Tribal Council")
Dom Jeff is still trying to get his knuckles around the idea of Team Latino actually - and obviously - throwing a competition so they can slay one of their own, when Billy – the soon to be Jailed-For-Stalking latino loonatic – tells Jeff he’s fallen in love with Candice... Candice, the accomplished athlete in medical school back from a humanitarian mission in ailing Africa... and that she is in love with him too... In love with his fat, zombie-riffic, socially retarded, wannabe musician, ass.
And then they vote his creepazoid ass off the island.
~ why do they send the "strongest" guys to exisle island? They should send the mousiest, underfed, fearful, survivor they can identify... so that the exiled gamer doesn’t have a great big brain and find the idol.
~ Hello? Christina? Shut yer gob girl!!!! She’s blabbing away at council about supporting Billy-Flip-Chart and ... basically securing her place in the pecking order. D’oh!!