Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor 13 Pre-Show!!!

Survivor 13… aka… RACE WARS.

Beginning TONIGHT on CBS.

Yes indeed, Endemol Entertainment has pulled out the race card… and they are gonna flick in your face. And you know what? It’s about fricking time.!!!!!

For every little kid that has tried to figure out how to point with a knuckle because he was just told “it’s not nice to point”… or for the loser that gets lost trying to describe the black guy without saying “black” (“um, well he had very curly hair”) … and for the confused high school kid who is realizing that it’s fine to promote black power but white power is a one way ticket to the curb… we’ve got your game. No more crap. It’s whitey versus the yellow, black and great-dancers teams. Political correctness can just barely be seen if you quickly look to the horizon. Now all we gotta do is figure out which ones are gay and we’re in like flint!

No way in hell that Jeff hasn’t had a screaming great time playing with and torturing these survivors… and one has to wonder if he’s managed to play any favorites? Some chitlens at the eat-gross games? Some slight of hand pick pocket games perhaps? Or maybe they’ve set up a “run through the cave” thing that kinda favours the little yellow people? And don’t get me started on the reward challenge that puts a camp oven in the white zone.

Lets meet this years line up…

Team Whitey:
Adam, Candy, Jessica, Jon, Parvati

Adam… 12 feet tall, hands the size of frisbees… a classic frat boy who’s decided to sell photocopiers to god.
Candy, all about the south and a seriously impressive resume of good deeds, travel, and brains.
Jessica… Sideshow Bob… with breasts.
Jon… already a television star… not sure why he’s here?
And Parvati… you know… that girl from Harry Potter. J

Asia Minor:
Becky, Brad, Cao Boi, Jenny, Yul…
Jenny’s asian…? Right… what’s a cubit?

Becky, the hot one.
Brad… the Herajuku boy!!
Cao Boi (pronounced Cow Boy… what a coincidence!)
Jenny from the brock.
Yul… (omg… so many jokes… I’m dying here) but he does kinda remind me of the dude from Lost.

Black Power:
Nathan, Becca, Sekou, Steph, Sundra
The team destined to lose the most combined weight on Survivor Cook island!

Nathan… oh sure… last name: Gonzalez… trying to confuse us. Dude looks like a stoner.
Becca, the make up artist with a belly-dancer step mother.
Sekou… you know… guess the order that the numbers go in from 1 to 9…
Sundra… Already been on CSI, SATC and commercials? Again… why are you here?

Lucy? You got some s’plain’en to do!!!:
Billy, Cecilia, Cristina, Jp, Ozzy,

Billy slips on the Nacho mask el Lucha libre dude… calling himself “Spanish Fly”… (one wonders if his balls itch in the ring).
Cecilia... A Puruvian Management Consultant… basically a sleeping pill with feet.
Cristina… Cristina is a cop. Bottom line… she’s gonna rock.
Jp? If he was short maybe I could see “come ‘ere and talk to my liddo friend…” but instead of a gangster in Miami, … he’s tall ‘nuf to be a “fitness model”. Oh boy.
Ozzy. His parents were stoners… you just know it. Ozzy. Hahaha… he looks like a fun bobby.

Despite the great opportunities I really doubt the CBS Psych team would have let any serious racists on this series… but we can always hope. J

And look... you know I'm going to be offensive ... and before you go too far into your angry place... GET A LIFE.
Enjoy the show and it’s ON TONIGHT!!!!!
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