Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

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Another Survivor Update!

Survivor 2 : Let the slaughter begin!
(tonight's episode has been brought to you by the letter "L")

Bottom line:
Jeff Probst is a sadist. Plain and simple, no question about it.

MMM (most memorable moment):
"It's a food reward with a twist. One of you is going to go with these guys... (embellishment: these scary looking guys...), back to their camp... for the night." Lap Dog, Coconuts and Mrs. Brady all immediately wet themselves...

Play-by-play:
So the reward challenge kicked off the show (after a brief looser view of them rationing the rice) and it was a retread from the first Survivor... the rope race. Everybody clips on to a rope and run through a bit of a rope maze strung throughout the forest having to unclip from one rope and clip to the next to overcome obstacles in the maze. The ropes are all confusingly strung. It's a good physical challenge that totally baffles Farmer Joe and Chef Pierre. Essentially, it's a race between Cheese Boi and Lap-dog. Colby out races Amber by seconds and becomes Rancho-Big-Head Cowboi for the rest of the day, night, and morning...

The gods, of course, are displeased. A storm of epic proportions is unleashed on the losers and dumps 'nuf water on the Outback to bring up flash floods and turn creeks into fast flowing rivers...

Ok, now lets just put some stuff in perspective... A few short daiz ago, Scari-Jerri, upon settlement of the new "Camp BareUndies", convinces the kids to set up camp on a dry creek bed... can you see where this is going?

While Cheese Boi is negotiating a horse through a torrential downpour, the gang marches back to camp... but oh, what's this? Why here's a 20 foot wide fast-flow of water... and what's on the other side.... the path back to all their hard won, worldly possessions, including the food they traded all their shelter for... Well desperate times call for desperate measures... Did the kids form a chain gang and struggle through the water to gain the far bank? Did they race up or down stream to look for a possible crossing point? Nope! The gang knuckles under and ... and... and... sits down and waits for three hours for the water to recede! WTF? It's a creek... sure the waters flowing but come on... you're house is on a dry creek bed!

Remote camera zoom on the rice can being swept away by a flash flood of their camp. If you were watching this part... I gotta say, good thing that kangaroo made it!

Who are these people? They get back to camp and nobody is screaming ... Just fricking imagine the footage on the cutting room floor. I'm telling you, at council there had better be a red-hot branding iron ready to stamp a giant L on all their foreheads. They notice the food tin has floated away... so they decide to ... what? go look for it? naw... that can wait for night fall. Farmer Joe, in an astounding impersonation of First Science Office Spock points out that there is precisely a 1 in 10,000 chance of finding the food. They ultimately locate the tim... and El-stupido, oops, I mean Chef Pierre, can - in his weakened condition - elects to take the most dangerous route to rescuing the food (mmm, maybe the L will just appear on his head) and Mrs. Brady can play sensible diva.

Ranch:
Mean while, Rancho-Big-Head is singing camp fire songs, making himself sick on stew, beans, beer and bread... and we all thought it was his good sense that kept him off the poopie trail back at that food "auction" a few epi's ago.

Camp:
The kids have nothing... no matches, no shelter... they huddle together in a pathetic display of loserness... L's for everybody.

Ranch:
After a night of stomach cramps (Big L on forehead) we get to watch him gorge again in the morning... what an amazing pig.

Camp:
Back at the remains of camp BareUndies, we get this cool shot of Chef Pierre wearing this big dumb blue hat, beard and dead expression, carrying this log... he looked like some kind of a Afgani Hill Dweller.

Cheese-boi returns to creek bed, ne-camp BareUndies, and surveys his chances of ever being loved again... slim to none. Time for an immunity challenge.

Immunity:
Lets see, five depressed, tired, malnourished, de-spirited white folk versus The Colbinator in a sling shot war... suffice it to say that Cheese-boi kicks but and wins the necklace. Note: when Jeff introduces the challenge, shoot macadamia nuts with a sling shot at targets... Z suggests that Coconuts is gonna toss her slingshot and start shoveling macadamia nuts into her mouth ... unfortunately we weren't treated to that.

The Council of Dump:
Now, here is where Jeff really shines. Lets see... he sets Roger up with "So who's idea was it to build a camp on a creek bed?" Now we all know it was Scari's idea... but he waffles and generally blames the chicks... Then Jeff nails Tina with "So, are the deserving people on this side of the fire? " suggesting that the jury deserves to be out already... Camera flashes on the Gap Commercial Wanna-be's watching for her answer... If Tina is in the final two... the Gap Kids will take her out... no question. Guys, I'm telling you that Alicia looks totally evil. Evil Evil Evil!!!

Last gasp for tonight's show:
They switch out Amber and put Jennifer Lopez in her place... did you see the way her pack looked under her raincoat... Miss. Giant Butt is heaved over the cliffs of despair to join the other "undeserving" across the fire next week.

ps. She (amber) had the only decent exit speech I've seen in the whole survivor series...
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