Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 9 Update!!

Amazing Race 9 Update!!

Everybody but the Hippies...

And they're off... bounding across the planet to the land of Oil, manicured cities, and insanely rich brown people. Fran actually swears, Yolanda can't find her happy place, and the Frat boys realize they too can actually suck at this game.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka “The show mechanics...")
Kick it from the southern tip of Greece...
~ fly to Oman and look at what happens to a desert when you bathe it in money.
Everybody gets the first bus out, except the hippies
Everybody gets the first flight out... except the hippies
~ Find a giant sculpted incense burner in Muscat
~ and Clue it to the town of Sur
~ Detour with some camel toe or run up a few stairs. This was dumb. Run a chain fall to lift a pre-wrapped camel (!!!) - Yolanda was worried she was hurting her camel’s elbows - into a pick up and follow a hand drawn map to some dudes hut in the sand... or run up and down the stairs of three towers looking for a clue. Strangely... some people actually did the camel thing...
~ zoom to a village called Al Hawyai or something like that...
~ and Road Block digging up mounds of dirt in the hot sun looking for a buried bag of cooked bird.
~ head for the Pit Stop at Jabreen Castle in Nizwa.

The Good
Alrighty... Bj and Tyler doing their impersonation of Lake on the empty "second" bus (because everybody but the hippies made the first bus) was totally worth the price of admission. Had some serious Bush overtones to it, didn'it. :D

Listening to Joseph tell Monica "You can really, just find that food... you don't have to pout about it." was lovely. She's fine right up until you put any pressure on her and she falls apart. Fortunately for both of them, Joseph has a penis.

The Bad
Driving to the detour involves off-roading (ok, the entire country is "off road") and being led (funny part of the show) by an impossibly emaciated little old brown man in a diaper through opaque brown water from various "here's" to "there's" leads everyone, eventually, to a ford. The road ends here and picks up again over there... beyond the river!! Everyone stops... lined up and sucking up their nuts looking for drips of courage... meanwhile the Frat boys, come from behind to pass everyone and drive across the freaking creek. So far so good, right? Yeah, then we pan pan across various in-car sound bites with the others bitching about them doing that... um... shut up suckas... you were a'sitten there.

The Ugly
Then again... the Frat boys continue to screw up all through the leg because they can't integrate themselves into a middle eastern culture. They're defensive, frustrated, confused and... just as soon as things don't go their way... "This is the worst experience ever!" oh pah... shut up and stop being such a pussy.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Gah... everything about Yo-fucking-landa tonight. I 'spose Ray is a git in his own right but her little side bar saying they joke around a lot and it's a problem when someone takes it seriously... then spending the rest of the show bitching about Ray letting her shit get to him... well, it reminded me of the situation with a jack-off that continually yanks your chain and then thinks it's all good 'cuz he says "just joking" afterwards. Every time she turned on him to tell him he had to whatever because he "cussed" her out... I wanted him to cuss her out again and then say "just joking"... you know like... shut the fuck up you whiney bitch... just kidding.

The Losers
Poor Bj and Ty. They make such good players... always joking and having fun... but totally getting fucked by the road-block. They came from behind tonight, after getting the shitty flight, and get to the final challenge, the Road Block, first. And there they languish. Everybody else comes and goes ... except the hippies. Bj (is Bj the dark haired one?) is limping around in the dirt searching ... but I think he must have hit, like, five of them and just didn't dig deep enough before giving up on it.
Anyways... they come in butt stomping last... and Phil has (ta da!) a "non-elimination round" for them. So they're robbed of their stuff and cash.

The Winners…
Yeah, so Fran and Barry come in first... and this was nice... in a sucky "good for the old folks" kinda way. Fortunately for them, the Hippies can't dig and the Frat boys (get this) actually decide to guess at a short cut in the desert as night falls. They got lost and had to double back. Talk about getting beat by the dumb stick. Fran and Barry are pulling off the "slow and steady" thing. :D

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