Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XII Update!!

Survivor XII: Exile Island!!

I'm having a problem with my penis...!

Where in... the almighty Jet Johnson does his big talk no action deal with the secret idol, Cerie inspects Shane’s testicles, Courtney plays with fire, and several people weep... while Shane flippen dies with his bawling, crying Jag.

Survivor 12... in 12 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Lamenting the low likelihood of besting a navy pilot, the girls set their sights on Sally and Jeff sets his sights on making everyone cry with snippets of video's-from-home. Courtney, Sally, Bruce and Terry get their luxury items (fire dancer sticks, a journal, a sketch book and old glory), PB&J sammichs and the rest of their videos... because they could sling the Earth Mother around ona bungee hammock better than the other guys could sling Boobie-girl. Meanwhile Shane has Nurse Cerie checking out his raging testicles. She pronounces it diaper rash... then collapses and dies laughing. So while C'girl is chucking flaming batons all over the place, Jet Johnson tries more strategic placements of the Secret Immunity Idol and they all head off to Immunity. Jeff let's 'em choose between burgers or the game and only Aras, Sally, and Terry play. The pigs watch with chipmunk cheeks as Terry yet again dominates... so now it's all about Aras and Sally-sox. He's up if they can swing a deal and she's up if they can't. History repeats... there is no deal, and Sally's off to Camp Loser.

The Details
Cerie, Danielle and Courtney are lay'en about discussing the best ways to fricassee a Navy Pilot, while said pilot holds court with what appears to be a bunch of Jack Russell terriers jumping back and forth saying "what are we gonna do today Spike?". Aras comes to the girls and say's point blank that he wants to go to Exile Island to take a shot at the idol... that Jet Johnson now shows to Bruce. So, Danielle saw it but is actually cagey enough to think Jet may have been shitting her, Bruce sees it for sure, and Aras is off to exile island to look for it. (read: he is waaaay out of the loop). Jeff rounds them up for a tear jerking as he teases them with snippets of love-from-home videos. This gets some Brucio-whimpers, and mist from most of them and Shane? frick'en blubbering tears and spit. Now they play. Two teams, with one member from each laying on a plank attached to three bungee cords that the other three manipulate to move said plank from here to there so the lay'er-down can collect numbered flags. Courtney and Danielle are the flag-hags, but Aras keeps knocking over collected flags (must "do over") so Danni and her boobs fall behind. In the end, Courtney, Bruce, Sally and Terry get to send someone to Exile Island (Aras, of course) eat sammiches, collect their "luxury items" and watch the rest of the home videos. Not bad... considering Danielle and Cerie had to see Shane haul down what's left of his pants and swing the boys free long enough to ask Nurse Cerie to come take a look at his sore, red and swollen balls. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! He's got diaper rash and the girls make him pull his shirt down till it's a skirt... swing-free, but cover that up. Jet Johnson is all about using the secret idol to convince Bruce and Courtney to join... Sally taks a shot at Courtney too... who - by the way - is dancing around with her luxury items... fire sticks. Bruce goes off somewhere sketching, Sally's journaling, and Terry is draping old glory out over the shelter. Jeff shows up with Immunity and it's a nasty little game of "play or eat". Everybody goes for Eat, except Aras, Terry and Sally. They gorge on burgers, fries and coke until someone wins the game. The game? Dive under, memorize a pattern of glyphs, come back and arrange a puzzle to match. Sally doesn't get it. Aras, almost gets it... but Terry completely gets it... so, once again, he's got the immunity necklace. And the "garden path" plot line has Aras in the hot seat... but we're on to their tricks... and we nod in sad acceptance as Sally-sox takes her cute tummy outta the game at tribal.

Fav Quote
Courtney: "How is a normal American supposed to beat a navy pilot?"
Cerie: "Maybe he'll break his arm....?"
Danielle: "I want Terry and Sally out!"
Oh the love is just a'bloom'en with these girls.

Shane, aka Red Ball: "I'm having a problem with my penis... You're a nurse..."
bwaahahahahahahaa... And then Cerie has to do the bend-over-up-close-stare thing to dudes danglers and she's all "that's diaper rash!"... and then totally collapses with laughter.

Most Memorable Moment
Danielle, looking over to see Shane with his drawers dropped, and bit's-a-hanging, mumbles through a full mouth... "Ohhh!! ug, I'm eating!" and turns away... 22 days man...

Skull Time
(aka "Tribal Council")
Jeff catches Boobie girl rolling her eyes when Jet starts blabbing, and it's on. She calls Terry "cocky" and Jeff, never one to avoid a fight, calls her "cocky"... and seeds of aggression are sewn. Oh and seeing Cerie quietly say "I hope you have the idol" as she joins the crowd voting to off Sally, was kinda nice, but totally useless.

The winner...
Jet Johnson may be number one with a bullet but everyone else is gunn'en for the buddha, so it's all about him not losing an immunity game. Considering who's left... It'll either be him or someone under the radar like Brucio.

Two Things...
~ didn't they tell us there was gonna be a big rescue deal with a stretcher and shit? what gives?
~ Danni has too many teeth for her mouth... and it makes her talk funny. I'm just say'en... :)

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