Survivor XII: Exile Island!!
Where in... the big merge goes down and the gloves come off in a game of "hurray for our side!" We've got a face-chopping, Sally with her sox off, and Jet Johnson scrambling for cover.
Survivor 12... in 12 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Day fifteen and it's merge time... Camp Soaking gets the testosterone set along with Sox-Girl, booze and munchies. Wee... Camp Gitmo is born. They build a new and vast shelter, Nick chops Brucio in the face, Terry tries to sell some dictionaries... and then they're off to Compete. Today’s Immunity game? Act like a sloth. Apparently it's harder than it looks, and when Jeff confesses that he's not bringing any "temptations"... everyone save the Lamina Penis crew... basically quits. Terry, aka Jet Johnson, aka the human target... is also the guy with the secret immunity idol and... he wins the flipp'en game too. Austin and Nick immediately start talking obituary time, but that face chopping can't help ol'Nick... He's fried and then becomes Nick The Orator with a off-to-camp-loser speech about the Youth Of Today Following Dreams.
Fifteen days in and the kids at Camp Casaya... are idiots. Sleeping in their "low lying" soaking wet camp, catching colds and continuing to not kill Shane in his sleep. Testosterone Town aka Lamina, gets bark mail and finds themselves in a boat on a river, (With tangerine trees and marmalade skies) heading to Camp Wet to do the official hook up. Add in a little Sally-sox and Lamina is still outnumbered. So Shithead-Shane calls for a "pick off" vibe and they're all gunning for the budda...er, for Jet Johnson. However building a big ass shelter turns ugly when Nick and Bruce have an accident cutting a rope that translates into Nick hitting Brucio in the face with a machete. A broken tooth and split lip doesn't slow down Sensei Brucio. Terry tries to convince various Casayan’s that they need to ally with Laminites, but they all basically say "arrrg your jedi powers don't work on me!" and he's fixed to need the idol. They paint up a flag and name themselves something that essentially sounds like "GitMo" so I'm stick’en with that. Immunity is a game of hanging by arms and legs below a log... much like your common Sloth. Miz Luckier-than-God Cerie - of course - can't bear her wait (I kill me), and is down in under five minutes... followed by Arys, then Bruce and sox-less Sally. Shane asks for a smoke but hears there'll be no temptations, so everybody else bails, leaving Terry, Nick and Austin slothing away. Austin comes down, then Nick and after something like forty minutes, Terry is down and the first "individual immunity" winner. Basically a death knell for Nick. Austin acts worried but he's just trying not to jinx it. I mean... come on... He hit Bruce in the face with a machete! (LOL). Austin hugs Bruce... and recites a prayer... They go visit Jeff, who asks them direct questions and Austin and Nick demonstrate their amazing powers of STUPID and blab about faking being tired in the sloth game (Austin) or explains their effort to flip somebody... anybody onto their side. (Nick) I mean... holy dumb! Having never approached Danielle and Courtney to form a KILL SHANE alliance, Terry stays immune and all the Casayans vote off Nick. Note: all the Laminites voted for Shane.
Courtney: "I'm freezing! I have... like an arm on you."
Shane: "Sure Courtney, but ... "
hahahahaha Ok, so Shane is an ass and the C-Girl can't catch a break and freezes at night because Shane doesn't like her cuddling up... I mean... shit girl, you couldn't have planed your bedtime layout a little better than that?
Shane: "We'll let 'em build it [the shelter] and then we vote them off." Oh how cold is the heart of the wild eyed Shane.
Jeff: "Um... Cerie, if you're hands start giving out... let go with your legs first..." in anticipation of Cerie dying at his feet and having to haul her broken neck outta there by hand... Dom Jeff, the Sloth advisor, tries to make sure Cerie doesn't do a header.
Most Memorable Moment
Hands down, the slow-mo, instant replay - with sound - of Nick chopping Bruces face. Youch!!
Geezus... the way things are going... ? Cerie. hahaha... Ok, no... she'll lose in the final six. But Sally and Austin are fun winners and Bruce is fricking crazy... and crazy people do well in this game... but again... only till the final three. So that leaves Dan... after Shane and Courtney cancel each other out on the periodic table of idiots. So I guess I'm thinking boobie girl wins. And that can't be right. Screw it... Terry wins.
(aka "Tribal Council")
Why the hell didn't Terry go to Danielle and Courtney for "let's get rid of Shane" votes!!! Anyways, Jeff just offers Austin and Nick some rope and they hang themselves... but good. Austin talking about throwing the sloth game to appear weak. Um... why'd you say that? What the hell? And Nick talking about the "flip someone to our side" strategy was just totally stupid and made him look like Satan. Shane gets four votes (the Laminites) and Nick gets the rest! Gone!
~ machete in the face!!! Owwwwww!!!!
~ Cerie describing Terry as a "dictionary salesman" while he shops his "join our alliance to be safe" line around. ! LOL.
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