Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 9 Update!!

Amazing Race 9 Update!!

Et Tu Bratos?

And they're off... on a big fake race to the airport... then it's all about Z'Red Menace, and the frat boys thinking with their little heads. We get zip lines, buses, airplanes, and Russian mess-with-your-head music. Unfortunately, we don't actually have a whole episode... only a little tease with Philly and his little mat.

Good Afternoon Race-fans...
(aka “The show mechanics...")
Wake up in a Brazilian coffee plantation ... and go to bed in frosty Russia.
~ Bunch up number one is at the zip line that opens at 8:00am, then it's fake race time with "hurry to the bus station to grab your departure time" because you're all going to Russia on the same plane... despite Lake being such a complete moron.
~ Bunch up number two is at the airport and with relatively little fan-fare, it's off to Russia for the group.
~ Job one is a road block, doffing Speedos and jumping off a 10 meter board at an outdoor pool... in winter. Oh, and you had to dive down about five feet to retrieve the a clue.
~ Clue it to a beautiful cathedral somewhere in Moscow, were you pick up your Detour.. unless you have no brains, nice boobs, and left your fanny pack at the swimming pool.
~ Detour is ... wash a city bus or search a gazillion nesting dolls while these crazy Russians play revolution dance music... over and over and over and over...
~ Get through the Detour and go find Phil... only to be told "it's not over yet, here's your clue ... now git!"

The Good
Okay, so if they're not scaring the crap out of the other players, by jumping out at them when they're first at the zip and have to wait till 8:00, they're taking the time to stop and smell the roses... er... stopping to look at the beautiful cathedral they get the detour from in Moscow, the Throw-Back-Boys are all about having fun.

The Bad
Um... Kookla... Fran's husband... the old guy... um... just say'en, holy hair dude, dude. D'ya see the fur on this guy?

After feeding us the quote about how their going to play the game by using their hearts, their minds and their boobs... Team Idiot Pink finishes the Road Block - thank you Phil for putting at least one of them in a Speedo - and shares a cab with their boy toys to the Cathedral... Only thing is... Dani forgot her fanny pack at the pool. So there are out matching track suit boobie girls ... cold and on some street in Moscow trying to hail a cab back to the pool. So hearts and minds aren't working.

The Ugly
Mo... the She part of team MoJo, in the cab after arriving in Moscow... "All I know is Russian people drink and smoke a lot!" I can't wait till she has to go Nigeria.

Of course, that pales by comparison to Lake's Squeeze when they read the Road Block "taking a plunge" and refuses to do it because she's afraid they'll have to do some task naked. Um... what game does she think this is? Naked? On Amazing Race? The Christian right lobby groups would chop Phil up in to little bits and feed him to Shamoo.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Oh where to begin?

We start with the staggered start times, then the bunch up at the zip line, then a big race deal to get "one of three departure times" back in Brotas on a bus to the airport. Big whoop. There's one flight from nowhere-land-Brazil to Moscow and everybody ends up on it.

Lake gets lost immediately after starting the leg when they're all heading to the zip line. Just hops in the car and presto... He's standing on the roof of the VW Bug in a corn field trying to figure out where they are. It takes a special kind of stupid to do this.
After the zip line... they get the clue directing them to Russia... Lakes first reaction? a purely xenophobic "I was hoping we wouldn't have to go to Russia." What? Afraid you're family will think your a Red Sympathizer? Comrad?

Then there’s the Road Block, with the clue "Who wants to take the plunge?"
We get Yolanda... who says "I can't swim" (but manages to swim just fine after balling for a while)... I mean, what did you think with "take the plunge?"".
Yolanda comes off like a Menza candidate compared to Charo... (Wanda, the mom) She interprets "take the plunge" as a F.A.B. "good to go" even though she has this huge fear of going into deep water? Hello... the word was PLUNGE.

The Losers
Lake's family.

The Winners…
This leg? well nobody, seeing as Phil didn't see his way clear to having an actual full let of the race. The Pink-Hunters (frat boys) get to the mat-that-isn't-a-mat first... but then it ends and we have to wait till next week for the rest of it.

But as for the big banana... the game overall... I'm all about the Throw-Back-Boys.

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