Amazing Race 9 Update!!
And they're off... and propagating every stereotype known to mankind! The HoHo girls are offering up booty, the MoJo girl is filthy, the Frat-Tastics are actually expecting to score - and wont - and the nerds share a moment of sweet memory when the sugar sap makes a mess.
Good Afternoon Racefans...
(aka “The show mechanics...")
Kick it off in a San Palo soccer stadium...
~ total bunch up at a big ass building (Edificio Blocko F! lol) They all leave at various early morning moments, only to all end up waiting in the lobby of "Edificio Blocko F" for the place to open at 8:00...
~ Road Block with a wicked climb up a fire escape and repelling down all scary like. In my world, nobody "runs" up 35 flights of stairs... but they all start that way and, of course, arrive half dead at the top. But they all jump off the ledge (harnessed in, for sure) and repel down... except one pair of the inflato-boobs. She's all crying and whining... But after some tender loving care from Fran, who hugs and reassures her, she makes it down. Remember this when you read the "ugly" below.
~ snag one of three busses that sorts the teams into three groups and head to Brotas (Brazil) for a Detour. Lake, who has likely been tagged as an abuser by every social worker watching this show, manages to go to the wrong bus station and falls way back... (bwaahahaha). Just say'en... everybody else managed to get to the correct bus station.
~ "Press it or Climb it" is all about making ethanol out of sugar or making ethanol out of your ass as you climb a 90 foot roap up a waterfall! Very cool Detour! The sugar-to-ethanol thing is kinda neat and looked easy as pie. The climbing thing? Also very cool... the "ascender" thing is physically taxing but groovy. Watching Kookla and Fran trying to climb it? not so fun.
~ and then the Pit Stop. Seems simple enough? yeah, just ask Fran, the rope climbing Maven!
Despite their vehicle being the one that dies on the highway, and despite stupidly opting to climb a 90 rope with a manual ascender, Kookla and Fran (the olds) still manage to NOT LOSE! Fran - we learn - is a breast cancer survivor (and instantly gets all kinds of cred in my book) is still blind and just about dies on the climb... but they manage to get through the episode ahead of the idiot screamers. (phew!!!)
Phil should have walked on camera at the detour to hand a $25,000 bonus to the nerds just for the look the two of them exchanged after Nerd Girl gets sugar sap in the face from the press and says to Nerd Boy "oh, spray me in the face." It was absolutely priceless. Of course, we started with his sound byte "She's my hottie boom body with the naughty palate." And nobody wants to have him explain that...
The member of the MoJo team with the breasts... is that mo or jo? comments to her partner as they're driving along... "I'm filthy!"... she pauses... the looks up saying "and I love it." This is a good thing but clearly places her in the "bad" category.
Boobie girls ... hauling off their sweat shirts to sit in matching tanks whenever they are in a group is fun, but man, talk about being a one trick pony. Eric, the walking erection, actually says to her - having accurately evaluated the Dani's characters - "I'm gonna touch it a little." and reaches over the squeeze her ass... which she turns and offers up for closer scrutiny.
But when you get right down to it... I'm guessing the nerds have way more sex than the Pinks and the Frats rolled together. "spray me in the face" indeed.
Okay, the Frat-tastics... "We gotta make the girls feel good, so we can get in their pants later." Right... what's a cubit?
I mean, I can understand testosterone driven ego mania... but "I can't wait to slip on my speedo" is grounds for justifiable homicide. And the Frats... driving through San Palo at night... comments on what he thinks are hookers "pretty nice eh..." to which his buddy replies... "yeah... their guys." (bwaahahaha)
Kookla and Fran pick the VW Bug that breaks down on the road... and then the boobie girls show up... commenting "Oh look... Fran and Barry are broken down... dum di dum..." and then drive on past. No "You ok?", or "wish we could help"... nadda. Fran should have told her she would likely slip and burn all the skin off her face on the way down that repel back at the road block.
The Exceptionally Pathetic
It's fun and games... but when you cross Phil... you run some serious risks. So there's Eric when he and Jeremy (the Frats) show up at the Pitt Stop thinking they're last and he yells "I'm gonna smack you woman!" at Phil.... I don't know what was funnier, him saying this, or Phil raising his eyebrow afterwards. :)
Yeah, Lisa and Joni.. the two forty something screamers... lose. And I gotta say... they totally deserved to lose. One of them was about ready to pack it in at least six times and I'm surprised she didn't cry a whole lot more.... She sure packed in the tears when Phil told her to go home. bwaahahaha... (and I'm not completely heartless... really!)
These Throw-back-boys are something else. I can't figure if they're absolutely faking the whole 70's thing or if they are actually this dorky (not that there's anything wrong with that). They win the leg and get a trip to Tahiti for their trouble. They practically start necking when they realize they're in first place. How’s your gaydar?
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