Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 9 Update!!

Amazing Race 9 Update!!</h2>

Holy Blind Old People!

And they're off... and running in "Amazing Race - The Stereotype Edition". We got 'em all baby... hoes, nerds, fags, plastic, the black couple... oh, and we got Charo!! ("Charo"... what would have happened if Cher had been born in Mexico).

Good Afternoon Race fans...
(aka “The show mechanics...")
Phil introduces us to the all the players as a bunch of Hemi's ferry them up a mountain to an amphitheater. He started with the Pinks, so everybody missed the rest of the names as they struggled to recover. But the bottom line was... Go to Brazil... and hurry.
~ Airport hi-jinx with three flights - and no phone booking (go Phil go!) - to San Palo, Brazil. Of course, the fastest flight gets delayed, so the plane two comes in first taking the edge away from the ones that earned it.
~ it's all about clues dragging them around San Palo in slow cabs...
~ Detour to assemble a motorcycle or fly around in a cool little helicopter... and why this was any kind of choice is totally beyond me.
~ more clues to a warehouse to watch some people party and make like you give a shit then it's off to the Pit stop so someone can get their hinnie kicked to the curb.

The Good
Oh the Nerds... instant hero's of the moment... except for that handshake thing. They're totally cute, kind and sooooo not made of television plastic. Weeeee... Of course, they're both crazy ... but who cares. Crazy is the new black.
And speaking of black... the black guy and his chick seem like nice peeps. The wife reminds of the woman on this show that had her head shaved... remember her? (and no, it's not just because she's black too... :D)

The throwback-boys... rooted in 1973 and unable to move, these two are like the personification of an Arthur Browns Mad Mad Mad World album cover. And, of course, when they see boobies... "Oh hi... di and di... can we call you the double-d's?" To which the pinky-hoe's reply "Yes... everybody does..." (especially when your gasping for breath under the bench in the players change room huh girls?).

The Bad
"Shut the fuck up!" yells Scott Peterson at his wife... (or so the others are calling him). This is "Lake" ... Dentist and the captain of his high school intensity team. Five minutes observation makes it clear... the dentist is dying of heart attack before he's fifty five. "Hi I'm Lake... like the ocean." (wtf?) "Hi... I'm Ray, like the sun." and then eleven little kids in lederhosen run in and sing "Me, a name, I call myself, Fa, a long long way to go...."
(Lake is a freak and I hope he stays for pure entertainment value)

The Ugly
Yeah, the giant bowling moms peeing their pants... not a highlight guys. Two middle aged women who crawled out from under their rib-cage-waste-line-jeans to pretend they're all "ready for action"... and of course, they cosy up to the fags because... that's what wanna-be transvestites do. I'm calling those women the Trannies from here on in. :) One of them is ... the master of the sound bite. I'll bet she was coached before the show... I mean... where do you get "we've pro'ly got to eat monkey testicles or something." ... Here's hoping!

If Fred Flintstone had been born gay... well... there he was... right beside the little man with the permanent pucker and the short hair. Nothing like rubbing our faces in your rampant gayness. They're prol'y both straight but have totally given up... like when women start wearing moo-moo's. These guys have absolutely no testicles... er... well no back bone. Fred, all wedged in a little cab, motionless in San Palo traffic and he can't conceive of the idea that this is prol'y not getting them ahead in the game.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Oh to be the camera man panning from blind-old-guy to the clue box, then turning to his sound tech and saying "Dude... Tell my you got that audio!" bwahahahaha... or his equally feeble wife "I think they just put it there..." No... it's just that your really really really .... not going to enjoy watching the show.
Wait wait wait... how about "oh yeah, I can assemble a motorcycle... I'm good at putting things together." (clutching at my stomach, hahahahahahaha! *cough* hack) You moron! Talk about giving old people a bad name. At least he didn't tell his wife to "shut the fuck up"... like ol'Lake-like-ocean-boy.

The Losers
The two complete morons ... who just happen to be gay... spent the show stuck to the seat in a taxi or scaring local Brazilians with Fred’s giant, long beak-like flat lips. Of course they lose. The editors tried to make it look like they were neck-and-neck with the Trannies, but no way... the boys were forever behind them.

The Winners…
The frat-boys come in first... and get 10,000 dollars each for their success... and because the world is not fair... I'm guessing they win the race. The pinks... if the history of the show is any indication... will be kicked off pronto. :)

See ya.
ps. anybody reading this?

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