Survivor XII: Exile Island!!
Astro Boy and The Zombie Lord
Where in... our intrepid warriors face all manner of ... Danger... Terror.... Zombies... and the enormous black woman with the utters. Jeff has no trouble expressing his feelings, as is also the case with Nut-Job-Shane... and because there's nothing like a little irony, Jeff throws in a big ol' PIT OF LEAVES WITH BURRIED SNAKES.
Survivor 12... in 12 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
And Dom Jeff said "Let there be two tribes..." and lo, it was so. Now it's all angry white people in alliance land and a few choice critters tossed in to spice things up. La Mina, dominated by Jet Johnson, wins fishing gear - that Sally loses because she’s really only 6 - by being the first across the line with six fake snakes collected from an obstacle course. Casaya is all about Shane and his A.D.D.-On-Crack 'tude and all of us yelling at them to get rid of Bitch Tits before she hurts someone. Immunity is a physical trial involving water, anchors, boats, beaches and a big Zombie head... leading once again to La Mina taking the prize. Cirie is back to Tribal however she doesn't get booted off the big scary, leafy, island... no no no ... that would make too much sense. Instead they chuck Melinda off ... who, no doubt, believes it's because she's overweight, not "cool", and looks too much like Belinda Carlisle to be allowed to stay. She'd be wrong in all ways... except for that Belinda Carlisle thing...
As young men suffer, old women freeze, and old men drown in their shelter, Team Boobies is honking back papaya and continuing the pillow fight. Jeff puts and end to all that by calling everyone together for a school yard pick. La Mina and Casaya divvy up the dorks, seven to a tribe. It was a real Brokeback LaMina moment when Astro Boy, the whitest man on earth or beyond, was finally picked to be on Jet Johnson's tribe, leaving They Call Me Bruce to spend a night on Exile Island practicing a few Kung Pow patterns before scaring the shit out of the camera crew. It's game time and Jeff has them running through an obstacle course collecting big wooden snakes... and it culminates in a pit of ... LEAVES with two buried snakes. Clearly Jeff couldn't pass up a chance to see is he could get Cirie to explode. La Mina wins the gear, but then sends the Hawaiian sling (fishing spear) out with Sally. "I wonder if I will lose this by doing this..." The underwater crew - in place to catch some high-speed action - has to settle for a few seconds of the spear ... sinking in 50 feet of water. Meanwhile, Shane is settling into some really destructive behavior as his nicotine craving ramps things up a notch or two. Immunity is this game of dragging a big ass crate across the lagoon floor, pulling a leaking boat of full of your tribe bailing like mad with the goal of getting this wierd giant Zombie head thing to the finish line and it's big Zombie body. Careful inspection of the video footage makes it clear that Cirie does, in fact, manage to get one... or two... little cups of water over the side of Casaya's boat ... but they still manage to lose terribly... with the echo of Jeff saying "Casaya is absolutely inept!" ringing in their ears. Cirie continues to trot out her obviously well rehearsed entitlement act and stunningly is not kicked off the tribe at council. Nor is Shane, who did the whole "vote me off" routine at one pathetic point. Nope, they fry Belinda Carlisle... because we need more fuzzy-video of Utter girl digging in leaves.
(in the "all time favorite" catagory)
"Casaya is absolutely inept!!" say's Captain Colour Commentary Jeff as LaMina burns ahead in the Immunity game. And "inept" is putting it very gently.
Shane, embraces his compassionate side, talking to Cirie and Mel, while the gang watches; "Well, who ever isnt' going now, is going next." Something he gets from his great uncle Hitler.
Most Memorable Moment
Remember Charlotte Lewis's father in Eddie Murphy's "The Golden Child"? Yeah, he made several of these weird scary one-eye faces... and then there was Bruce doing his patters on the little Exile Island.
(aka "Tribal Council")
Did you see the million baby violins playing in the background as Cirie shed her daily dose of "everybody should be feeling really sorry for my fat, lazy ass" tears? Yeah... me either.
Oh I'm thinking we should keep our eagle eyes on Bruce, and Ruth-Marie.
~ Courtney is prol'y an awesome woman... but she's going to be annoying to these guys. They have such a negative vibe rushing around with the instant alliances taking all the focus away from finding a way to take care of themselves.
~ and next week we're supposed to see the crazies settle over the tribes.
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