Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor 12 Update! (The Pre-show)

Survivor 12 - Exile Island (Panama)

The Pre-Show Warm Up

It's back to Panama... in just over a week! and this time they rented the "out island" to use as an isolation tank... putting an end, once and for all, to Jeff's request to build a torture chamber into the plot. He had to settle for a "freak out island".

Go to [:: Survivor Maps :: ] to see an excellent review of the show location!!

They've assembled another team of unnaturally white teeth to play the game. We're talking ex-everything... gymnasts, Miss Teen-This-And-That, Astronauts, Fighter Pilots, and lots of pig tails.

They tell us that there will be boys against the girls... but we'll see. The boys all look like varsity sweaters and the girls mostly look like the sort that do yoga on the front steps knowing old Mr. Hooper is watching out his bedroom window across the street. So... lets just see if Jeff can punish them enough to make it worth our while...

So lets take a quick look at who's who...

Aras The 24 year old yoga boy from California. Loves fresh squeezed OJ... and a day without orange juice is a day without sunshine... (oh puke!)

Austin! And, just to be different... a 24 year old Model dude... His sister was a Miss US Teen... and why that matters is beyond me. Dude seems like a nice guy... so he'll likely be the crazy freak.

Bobby Ah yes... the Black Man. And he's from LA South Centrel to boot. Describes himself as "Dominant" and his favorite books are 48 Laws of Power and The Art of Seduction (Robert Greene), A Brief History of Time (Stephen Hawking)!!! Can you say "Pretentious"? Go on... try it...

Bruce (they call me "bruce"). Fifth degree black belt... Digs Seven Samurai, Star Wars, Lord of the Rings... what can you say to a guy named Bruce who's a fifth degree black belt...

Cirie And the black woman... with the stupid name. At least she's from Jersey so she prol'y knows how to "bend and snap". This one's a nurse, which could be useful, except she likes cherry vanilla dr. pepper... and wants to lose 30 lbs. D'oh...

Courtney Now we're into the meat. A 31 year old gymnast... A performer, big on travel... single... and hasn't washed her hair in two years... or so it seems. Likes Cap'n Crunch, so she knows about shredded gums... Must be a nice girl.

Dan The 200 year old Astronaut... brain the size of a planet... and digs Dirty Hairy... go figure. (Oh, and he's only 52).

Danielle Another 24 year old hot girl with amazing teeth... They must have a "hot 24 year old chick with great teeth" boutique in LA somewhere... Into Kickboxing, but started with gymnastics and ford modeling... so you know she goes. :D

Melinda Single, 32, likes country music... sings it... and appears to be hooked on anti depressants.

Misty Back to the 24 year old hottie boutique. This one is an engineer... and an ex Miss Texas Teen. No gymnastics... she must have missed that day at the boutique.

Nick Nick Danger.... Mr. 25 year old financial dude with way too many bachelor degrees and... and ... and ... his favorite actresses are MARY KATE AND ASHLEY OLSEN... Actresses? Didn't he mean drug addicted, porn stars in training?

Ruth Marie Another ex-Miss Teenage America... from 1975. And look at her... 48 and hawt! Oh and besides being all Sorority and cheerleader... ("head cheerleader" mind you) she's also the First female narcotics agent in some town... Talk about ruining the buzz...

Sally Back to the boutique... oh but this one is old... 27. She's a social worker and all "outdoorsy". She a big fan of the show... the kiss of death in this show... so she must get fried in the first two shows. Recently divorced and ... likes Doris Day... which has nothing to do with the divorce thing.

Shane Check this guys FABIO hair. He's a 35 year old dude that owns some company... that we will no doubt hear all about it. Just say'en ... Gaydar explosion.

Terry This guy is 46 and in top form. He's a Pilot... and ex fighter pilot... 11 varsity letters... and he worked on the USS Enterprise... so he prol'y knows Kirk personally.

And finally Tina She lost her 16 year old son – lost, as in dead - a week before going on Survivor Guatemala... so she didn't go (d'uh) She's a 45 year old "Logging Sports Promoter"... and I don't want to know what that means. Her hair is like another whole contestant in the game... and just how far will pity take this woman in the game? hmmmm

That's it. I intend to write a weekly review of the show... and it will likely be mean spirited and I will take all my work and home life frustrations out on these guys. Okidoki?

If you read the review... I hope you'll pop a comment onto them to say hi. I love hearing from you guys.

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