Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

OK... work with me on this one.

Imagine you are standing... legs only slightly apart,
and resting - carefully - your full weight on a two inch wide (hold up your fingers so you can imagine two inches) hard-wood - oak maybe - cylinder of wood.
It - the wood - is, as I said, two inches wide, and ... it's about three and a half feet long.
Now ... the placement - and this is really important - you're resting it vertically against the very bottom of your tail bone.
An inch, two... maybe three - I don't know you're particular ass so... whatever - down the crack of your ass, you can feel the butt-bottom of your tail bone.

So... I had you imagining that you were standing, legs apart, resting your weight on a wooden cylinder that is wedged against your tail bone.

Now, the bottom of the cylinder is pressed against a bit of wood ... lets say 2x4 that is resting on another 2x4 that is perpendicular to the first...
We're talking about a lever here...
Are you getting this? Like a see-saw...

Ok, so onward...
Now imagine a 4x4 fence post... but it's only 1 foot long and it's not on a fence... it's on the end of an ax handle and it's basically a BIG ASS mallet.
Right... now imagine that someone hits that lever as hard as they fucking can... I mean... they're screaming when they hit it.

You, are not screaming...

You are laying on your side, on the ground, mouthing swear words noiselessly, clawing at the snow.
You can see the shattered toboggan off to the side and your kids are trying to figure out if you're ok,
or if they need to go find another adult to call for help?
A "jut" of solid ice poking up from a frozen bit of ground at the bottom of the hill...

I can move around... so I don't think anything is actually broken.
but oh my god...
no really...
this is pain...
pain on top of pain ...
with a healthy dose of rampant regret and fear for the recovery time.
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