Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XI Update!!

Survivor XI: Guatemala!

The Cindy and Mindy Show

Where in... the restless, skinny white people get to buy other, fatter, white people. Someone goes from cartwheels to the exit ramp, and we get to see Rafe cry like a little girl. And speaking of girls... Cindy's twin sister is here and has eaten in the last month. :)

Survivor 11... in 11 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
So Stephy's got gas, and Jeff has cash for all in the annual munchy auction. ‘cept this time Jeff has a clue to the Immunity game and the "loved ones" on the menu. Some people eat, but Danni nails the clue and Judd buys his wife. Steph and Cindy get "homie" time, but the rest... suck. Lydia shops her vote around with ugly desperation, and when they play immunity, that clue nails it and Danni takes the necklace. They play Judd and Rafe to a glorious climax at council as Judd staggers around with a back full of knives from Steph and the gang. He leaves on a sour note, as expected.

The Details
Opening day 31 with a shot of a big smoke'en volcano, and then they switch over to Steph taking it from the others about her little gassy fart-o-copia self. Then we watch the stick girl and fat boy do cartwheels until Jeff finally calls ‘em out to a Reward. It's the auction thing so they start licking their lips. There's some good chow, but next thing you know, Jeff's selling off a "clue" for the Immunity game. Danni goes to town and gets it... Then Jeff trots out the "loved ones" and we get to watch Rafe bawl his little eyes out... not sure what his problem is but... whatever. They're bidding on the loved one visit. They can pool their money. No sooner has Jeff introduced Lydia's long lost (2 years) brother... then Steph is asking her for all her cash so she can bid on her boyfriend. Judd wins this game thanks to Cindy pooling her cash, and Jeff lets Judd pick two others. He picks Cindy to everyone's delight – Hello twin sister Mindy, and Steph. So lucky them... they get to spend a night in camp shit hole. And for no practical reason, Team Loser (Danni, Rafe, Lydia) have to go to the old Yaxha camp for the night. Next up is "Danni makes her play" day as she tries to get Judd caught up in another bit of pandering. (editorializing: and why this sort of "I'll save you if you save me" crap makes everyone call one another a "liar" is beyond me... it's a flippen game!) Lydia is, as always, a coiled spring, trying to get people to tell her what's up and use her vote ... la la la... she's such a git. They play immunity and it's the "flip over painted tiles and paint yourself into a corner" game. Danni's clue was a chance to switch with another player at one point and she uses it to her advantage and wins. Presto safe-o, so gravel for brains Judd just assumes the game is good for sizzling Lydia. Meanwhile, Danni has Steph turning on Judd and we go to council and watch with glee as Judd's testicles shrivel into baby acorns and he is tossed out. He is pppppppissed off HAHAHAHA... and calls everyone scumbags. :D His exit speech is ... "scumbags!" hahaha...

Fav Quote
Judd, aka Kumar, the big romantic, compares the pleasure of his wife's company to heartburn... "It's like having 25 white castle cheeseburgers!"

Judd, as he casts his vote against Lydia; "you've sang and danced your way right out of this jungle!" ... bwaahahahaha... oh the irony.

Judd, as his big fat hairy white ass is booted to the curb at tribal fuck-off session, turns to his tribe mates and says "I hope you all get bit by a crocodile... scumbags!" BWAAAHAHAHAHA! Watch for the big L tattooed on his forehead at the jury.

Most Memorable Moment
This would have to be tht moment when time stopped, Cindy and Mindy were hugging on the beach...
Ah yes... twas a good moment. :)

Burn Baby Burn
(aka "Tribal Council")

Jeff simply puts the carrot in front of Judd and Judd chases it around the tribal council fire pit a few times... He's a foo... pity da foo!! He draws Judd out to the point where he's sounding like he runs the universe... and then everyone votes his ass out. HA! And I don't remember when someone has taken it – being kicked out – that badly. I thought he was gonna cry and attack someone. :)

The winner...
Well now it has to be Cindy...
But you know... it would be pretty cool if Rafe won. :)

Two Things...
~ Their tribal name... XHAKUM... is the stupidest tribe name in the history of this stupid show!!!
~ no really ... how fun was watching Judd slump away... and what the heck was that, that showed up to visit with Danni? Yikes.

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