Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 8 Updates!!! (plural!)

Amazing Race 8 Update!!

Double Header: #1 Hot Snot and #2 Air Biscuit

First? Well, Hot Snot, of course!!

It's all about... taxis, airplanes and more frick'en race cars!! It's like the whole season is this freakish therapy session for the Florida Trailer Crew. They all jerk around, drowning, sweating or getting lost in the details, but minutes count on a race track and when the peddle hits the metal the escaped animatronics crack heads, the Paolo’s, are being lead by a guy that can't count to five.
Note: Both Episode Updates are in this post!

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka “The show, in as few words as possible!")
A beach, in Costa Rica, and it's time to swim,
~ swim out to a buoy and retrieve a clue...
~ cab it out to a metal church and interrupt a funeral to get your clue. (wtf!!)
~ and Detour with painting a big ass wagon wheel (toll painting like) or sweeten in the cane fields.
~ then it's off to the airport to get connections to Arizona. Mommy Paolo is not happy with Arizona... she wanted New Zealand.
~ The Bonderand race track (super carts) is a fifty lap deal in blazing heat -pink lady comment : "It's hotter than snot!" -
~ After watching the Weaver's suffer on a race track again, it's off to the pit stop where the Pinks get first and that freak Branson catches a non-elimination round, so Phil takes all their stuff.

The Good
There are some serious horse shoes up the Pink Ladies poopers... lemmi tell ya. After screwing up at the Detour, they get screwed by a lost reservation and manage to high tail it to Newark to catch a flight that ends up getting to the destination first!!

Beaver Weaver... he is that families private god slash pack-horse. He has carried this family through the race. Yeah, Mom does plenty but when it's hard, they sick Roly on it.

The Bad
I swear one of those Godlewski girls is gonna knife another one soon... they almost die at the Detour as one of them decides they have to be perfect with the painting... meanwhile the Weavers come in, slap it on, and take off... bwaahahahaha...

The Ugly
I just wanna grab that older Paolo kid and kick the crap out of him... just hail-marry-city all over his wretched, pathetic, horrible, cruel, mouthy, shit head self. And I'm a relatively non-violent kinda guy. :D Their mom is the queen of I Told You So Island, but that older son is just the absolute worst. He officially will not get a date ... ever again.

Everybody is at least talking like their sympathetic to the Weaver race track issues... and there's the Linz Thumb Thumb guys... teasing them and the (!!!) almost ramming mommy weaver off the race track.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Daddy Paolo swims out to the buoy? Daddy Branson swims out to the buoy? What kind of punk ass lazy snots do these people have for kids? Paolo almost drowns (has to be rescued... no penalty), and Branson should have... drown that is.!!

Brush-With-Death guy, Paolo, approaches the pit stop, sees the other SUVs and instead of realizing theirs one too few (hence someone is behind them) Dad has everyone start putting on all their clothes. He's yanking on another pair of tighty whities when the Branson’s pull in... bwaahahahahaha... They make the Phil-Mat and catch second last but ... it was close.

The Losers
Why oh bloody why could last week not have been the non-elimination round? fucking red bean!!! Anyhoo... The Branson’s come in last and Phil robs them of all their stuff except all the stuff they put on at the last second. (and they can thank the Paolo's for reminding them to do that!!! :)

The Winners…
The Godlewski girls get a trip to Belize and first place... after all their crummy luck. Good for them... but the short hair one... needs a serious bitch slapp’en.

Amazing Race 8 Update!!

Double Header: #2 Air Biscuit

It's all about... the coolest Road Block in ages, the Grand Canyon, a big Dam, three blondes trolling for cash in a casino (like that never happens) and me cheering at the end of the show.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka “The show, in as few words as possible!")
Ok, so we're raising Arizona...
~ which conveniently means, we're watching them fly...
~ job one, go to a small engine airfield and Roadblock with these cool as shit little fighter planes. One of the Linz's coins... "Air Biscuit". lol
~ oops, daddy Branson has no cash... so he hands some knee pads to his daughters and sends 'em down to a casino... no, seriously. The guy is one bad freaky dad...
~ drive to the grand canyon and be there long enough for a park ranger to make sure you don't jump and then they get them all the hell away from the edge.
~ Detour at a big ass Dam in Arizona? Follow a compass or bail out a boat... wohoo... the excitement is riveting.
~ then boogie to this lake (Powel) and luck-of-the-draw with these little boats... some are clearly faster than others...
~ the commanding lead the Linz's have gets consumed by the Godlewski girls as they pass them at the eleventh hour
~ and the Paolo whack jobs come in dead last and I literally cheered as Phil sent them home.

The Good
Roly, aka Beaver, demanding to fly the plane! That was one rocking cool thing... the acrobatics in the plane (by the pro pilot). wowza!

The Bad
Clearly Phil thought the Weavers were gonna win this leg... the first place prize was a flipp'en trailer!!!

The Ugly
Everything about the Paolo’s.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
The Weavers hit the mat with Phil and their all about "We are the only family trying to live a christian life..." Yeah, ... right. Oh and watching them diss out all the other teams complaining that they keep dissing them... er... huh? Oh bite me...

The Losers
Basically, they're just idiots, and it finally caught up with them. Sadly not before the Gaghans got tossed (yeah, I know, I gotta let go of them... sob...)

The Winners…
Kudos to the Pink Ladies for passing the Linz Thumb Thumb crew at the last second... (and yes, I like Megan Linz... it's just her brothers... gah!)

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