Amazing Race 8 Update!!
It's all about... the magic of television and a journey into weirdness as they race through Louisiana. Besides that, however, we do get to see the Screamers head to a NASCAR race track in a blatant demonstration of how much sway the jokers in the CBS Psych department have in these shows. People who clearly can't find their asses find themselves advancing in the game, and people who definitely know where their asses are... in fact, they stick it out the window, end up in first ... Oh and the secret message in this edition of The Amazing Race is most definitely... "Hey Dipshit... listen to your kids, for a change!"
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Morning... Alabama... and despite the crack by the retched little Branson Blonde, ("I say the word Alabama and I think ugly!") it looks nice in the 'Bama.
~ Drive... and find a big ass chair in Aniston, (as opposed to Aniston in any kind of a Pitt).
~ Now clue it to Talladega Speedway... bwaahahaha... ("No mama... I can’t!!!")
~ Put your peddle to the pavement... if you can reach the peddles,
~ and make your way a trailer park, or not... depending on how pig-headed you are.
~ Now it's time to go to Mississippi to get gas, (???)
~ then dive back through time to visit Louisiana.
~ Saw or Gamble ... it's a Detour, and it's Lady Luck versus Little Hands
~ that takes us to the finish line and the idiot Paolo family manages to slip into 2nd place with the finesse of explosive diarrhea. The Bransons, aka Booty Girls & Creep Out Dad, come in first again and the Schroeders fall apart in last place ... because another daddy didn't listen.
Those Gahgans... (my favs) really have to work extra hard here... what with competitions that include peddling a "party bike" that the little girl can’t reach the peddles on... or sawing through a tree??? Bring your kids... so they can watch you sweat!". They keep pulling through and their kids keep being adorable.
The good folks in the Psych Dept at CBS – or, possibly just some evil bastard in the planning group – sending the Weavers to a Speedway (Daddy got run over at a speedway) was just priceless... Thank you... thank you! :D Hey, at least they didn’t have to dodge race cars for the clue.
The clue clearly tells them to find the trailer with the good departure time. But do they search all the trailers with any kind of plan? Nooooooooooo... they just grab the first one they can see. This was the Gaghan and Weaver mistake which left a 7:40 departure time available for the Paola family... that and a few other horseshoes come together to land them in 2nd place. Which is pretty good considering how much I want a sixteen ton anvil to drop out of the sky and land on the bunch of them.
Godlewski Girl ... no idea which one... steals a Holly Hunter line with "Sometimes I just need a good cry." But then she goes on to cry a little harder and blame people for making her cry? All over reading instructions from the clue to the driver??? Shuddap... smack smack smack... Oh, and when the clue says... go to a BP Gas station in Mississippi (and some town name)... the Godlewski driver passes it and when they all see the Weavers pull into the station behind them... she’s all "Well they prol’y just pulled in for something..." YEAH... LIKE THE CLUE D’OH!!!!
The game takes them through Louisiana and most importantly, directly into the French quarter of New Orleans. Kinda weird yo. :)
So finish up the peddle madness at Talladega and clue it to something called "The Southern Colonel" but they don’t tell them what that means. So Schroeder kid asks someone when they reach the town... and is told "oh that mobile home park on the edge of town?" What does daddy say? "No... that’s too easy." BWAAHAHAHAHAHA... then goes on to drive away into the darkness. Daughter is telling daddy to get with the program and fortunately they convince him to check a telephone book (which he rips a page out of, btw) and then they get turned around. The get a bad start time at the trailer park... the daughter goes bananas with the tear patrol and ... the writing is definitely on the wall. Daddy Schroeder is consistently stupid and like that Rogers Family before them... not listening to his kids sinks their chances to stay in the game. They came in last... bu-bye!
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Is it just me? Or does Daddy Branson kinda creep you out? Blondie Banger Girl moons the Linz brothers out the Yukon passenger window. Not something I’m gonna complain about ... although she’d go to jail for that in several states... but Daddy seemed kinda into it. No, I’m just say’en... he fricken creeps me out and it’s not getting any better.
Gah... those schoeders were driving me nuts. Mom was like some skag you hate on a soap opera, the daughter cries too much, the son would rather be smoking a joint under the bleachers with his buds and the dad? What a tool. The race leg ends in New Orleans – where they live – and they still manage to come in last. See ya.
The Bransons win this leg and get a big trip to Florida and the MGM Theme parks for their trouble. Nice... but their luck has to run out!!!
Crystal Ball Time...
Oh I sooooo want that Gaghan family to pull up.
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