Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor XI Update!!!

Survivor XI: Guatemala!

Holy Hatchet Job Tonto!!!

Where in... Brian comes up with a new game, the Naks go for a ride, Jamie can't saw and Amy is really just not a big Beetle fan.

Survivor 11... in 11 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Oh look... Judds fighting. Amy, exceptionally clueless is attacked by a killer beetle and Brian's faking it for the lord. Reward is gang bang of a race but Jamie takes it on alone and can't get off first base... hahaha... So the Yash are swimm'en wit-da-fishes. It's a total blow out, but nothing blows like the wind out of Blake when he gets on his fav topic... Blake. Immunity is a wee game of catch... with a little Knock-over-bobby-jon added for spice. Things finally go Steph's way a bit and that puts Blake on point... bang bang you are dead frat boy.

The Details
Night eleven at Nak and the Marg versus Judd game is really heating up, with his turn coat behavior and her unrealistic expectation for him to do anything else. Meanwhile Gary, Brian and Amy are struggling to fit in at Camp Bummer. Ankle Girl (Amy) wants to fit in though so she decides that demonstrating how little she knows about life outside of the big city would be a good way to go with the Ozark Mountain Dare Devils surrounding her. "How does wheat work?" was a bit alienating and open to sarcasm but... whatever. Oh, and this eleven ounce beetle hovers around her and scares the crap out of her. Brian also tries to fit in by pretending he could give a rats ass about thanking Jesus for their meager crud for food. We'll all watch for the lightening. Reward is this totally jazzed out game of cut this, hack through that, run around and haul this giant flintstones-esque go-cart up a hill and ride it down to the finish line. It would have been six colours of fun had they all actually been racing against one another... except nobody counted on Tonto playing the game. Brandon, who is actually a two hundred year old Indian competitive tomahawk-whacking champion, attacks the first obstacle in the race – which is to cut these two inch-and-a-half thick ropes with the sharp rocks provided. He grabs a rock, and SMASHES THROUGH the ropes like they were butter and he was a red hot poker. They (Yash) collect themselves and hurry on through the challenge... and as they roll down the hill in their cart, they pass Jamie... who is – no kidding now – still pawing at the ropes with his little sharp rock. Exactly why his team mates did not harass his ass with advice about hitting the rope... we will likely never know. (Idiot!!) The reward was a munch out and a crock-proof-swimming cage that lead to much hooting and koo'ing amongst the winners. Stephanie launches into a whole series of "poor me" sob stories and basically calls her team a bunch of retard fuck nuts... fun for the future viewing girlie... and they all rag out on BJ because he was so seriously happy about winning that game. Later that day... while Jamie is still hacking away at the ropes... er, ok, not really (but he did want to finish the challenge ... long after Jeff calls the Yash victory), we get to watch Brian playing his new game... "Bait Blake" - asking him (for example) "Blake... what's your fav drunk story?" Blake, possessing none of the filters, common sense, or prowess that normal human non-frat-boy types have, launches into story after story. Including a rather comical run down of his girlfriends gazongas (Bet they fit in a beer pitcher eh Blake?) – moron... Go go Mr. Vagina (Brian) with the Let Blake Sink Himself game. Immunity is next and it's this catapult game where the tribes bust into to four teams (two per tribe) with these nets to catch the catapulted bits. The only redeeming element of this game was watching Steph take her frustrations out and do a little line-backer-action on Bobby-jon with a sweet take down. Hahaha... The Naks Naks win and if you're like me that means mostly nothing now that they've confused the teams. (The Naks are at the inland "Mayan Ruins" camp and that's Steph, Jud, Marg, Jamie, Cindy and what's his name (Rafe), et al. bottom line, Steph's nipples practically pop off her boobs and Bobby-Knob is heading to the tribal zone. Dani and her skinny – almost invisible self – turns out to be the swing vote in that Gary, Brian and Amy want to see Blake go and even though Brandon (farmer Tonto boy) _ Ok, it was BJ and not Brandon that voted for Blake. he does and the Nakums that landed in Yash are finally off the panic attack. Bye bye Blake.

Fav Quote
"Bobbie Jon? He cheers like a freaking girl... he's so gay!!!"
"I feel like I'm trapped in a really bad dream!"
"My team sucks!!"
Well gee Steph... would you like some cheese with that? And has anyone asked you about the eyebrows that GO STRAIGHT UP? Hmmm??? Ah well, never mind... they are losers and I still want to spoon citrus fruit off your naked body. So it's all good. :D

Blake: "My girlfriend? She's double D... and with the birth control... just huge... I mean... really big Novelty sized boobs!!! Eh Brandon?" er... pardon? Um... white guy? Can you see that camera man and boom microphone??

Brian (slathering himself in his gayness and proving to be my kind of fag): "My new fav game is ‘Bait Blake'" bwaahahahahaha... He totally makes Blake's frat-boy-duh, Matthew McConaughey'ism work against him.!!! Hahaha...

Most Memorable Moment
See... I want to say some exciting moment sticks out but when I think about the show... Im remembering the big stupid beetle hovering around Amy, Steph's underfed boobs poking out of her top and Bobby-Jon crashing to the ground after Steph nails him in the Immunity game. :D Oh and miss unhappy, Cindy the Zookeeper... just say'en... nothing like a couple of weeks of zero food to make boob job saline bags look obvious. :)

Burn Baby Burn
(aka "Tribal Council")

Brian, Gary and Amy are dancing all the way back to camp after zapping Blake... who had no fricking idea. Hahahahaha... his little speech was all "huh? Wha happen? Beer?" Later! (Can I just say... the Tribal Council area... looks fucking cool man! :D)

The winner...
Well apparently Marg and Judd go at it next week as do Jamie and Bobbie Jon... so who I think gets the cash is a little iffy... but I'm gonna stick with Marg for now. I think I just like nurses. :D

Two Things...
~ Last week... I lamented the fact that they (Yash) just "let Judd keep throwing" the stupid clubs when he... sucked. Now this week we watch as Jamie struggles to not be THE GIANT BONE HEAD that he is and fail with the rope thing... and – if you're at all like me – you were yelling at the rest of his team "Hey... tell him to chop the rope!!!". So... what gives? Are they not allowed to tell the other player how to play? Personally I don't think so... I think they all just like being able to blame someone and watching someone fail, means you have a ready made scapegoat!!
~ cindy cindy cindy!!!! You have sooo got to stand up to Judd when he gets all tough door man on you.

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