Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor XI Update!!!

Survivor XI: Guatemala!

Pop-omatic- Pop the Six and you move twice!

Where in... Jeff decides that they're all boring... so he messes with them. Or is it all just a big excuse to get Danni and Gary on the same dirty bit of ground together? Either way... the teams are all messed up and agonizing over how to divvy up the concept of loyalty. And, of course, they get it all wrong. Sigh...

Survivor 11... in 11 seconds...
(aka "The show in as few words as possible")
Whine whine whine… we're hot and Nak Naks. Meanwhile, the fishing is the fun, save for the crocks, at camp Lying Quarterback. Jeff steps in to pop-o-matic the teams, shuffling them up. Now it's all about peeing and forming alliances. They play a hard core came for immunity but despite paddling, ramming, and being in the lead… Steph's new tribe, the Naks, still manage to lose because Judd can't stop trying. While they ought to punish him.. they opt to fry the weakest link…and so Brooke takes the walk of shame.

The Details
Ah yes, life at camp Nak Nak is all about... lying on yer ass and feeling sorry for yourself. The bugs are biting, the heat is killa and everybody's hungry. (so much for the shelter and the fishing gear... you morons!!!) The editing room is working every image of lazy punk ass monkeys into the footage as they can... Meanwhile, back at camp Yash... it's Hulla time... er ok, not quite, but they are trying to get food, smiling, talking... and watching the big honking crocks scooting across the bay. Reward is this messed up game where Dom Jeff lulls them into distraction with an apple for the hungry ones, and shower for the smelly bastards and an afternoon pig-out-fest-oh-fun for four lucky ducks. When the ducks leave he yanks all their leashes so hard they collectively face plant in the dirt. "drop yer buffs" and it's switch up time. Dani, Bj, Blake and Brandon move over to Yash and join Cheerleader Brian. Gary and Amy (ducks 1 & 2) come down from their picnic and it's time for Gary to poop-his-pants. Over in Nak Land, Cindy and Brooke are greeter girls for Steph, Jamie, Rafe and Lidia who are then joined by the returning Rhodes Scholar, Judd and Nurse Marg (ducks 3 & 4) . Did you follow that? Yeah... well nobody else did either. Just when you think you actually remember any of their names, Jeff screws everything up. Amy sums it up with "what the fuck is going on???". Of course, Dani is wearing a shit eat'en grin if there ever was one, while she listens to the landscaper deny he's a retired quarterback. Instead of forming new teams... Jeff's subs all try and figure out how they can stay loyal to the team members left behind at the other camp, which means Amy, Gary and Brian are just fucked. Well... Amy and Gary. Brian lives in his own little brightly coloured world and I'm sure he has no idea what's really going on. And he's still vibrating (btw). The new Pee Alliance is formed, as a couple of Yashers (Blake and Bobby Jon) are wizen away, decide to stick together and then... ewww, shake on it. Jungle love baby! Meanwhile, Officer Amy is stoic in the face of a seriously swelling up ankle and, considering her place in the threesome ... she's worried. The Immunity game is an interesting mix of team work, strength and accurate concentration. Of course, Dani sits back to watch Gary!! (hahaha) They all have to paddle out and collect three bags from floaty things... race back and get the bags-of-clubs to a place from which the try to break three ceramic panels for the win. Point to consider... you can throw as much as you like, but you can only break one each. So if you suck... you switch out. Steph, remember, is on the Naks now... and she has her team RAM THE OTHER BOAT... no really. Over and over. God I just wanna lick her. The Naks grab a good lead. Brian throws one perfectly but it... bounces off the panel because he... throws... like... a six year old girl. But that's ok... because Judd throws like a blind guy with no arms. No really. And when they ask him to switch out... you know, after the other guys break two of their panels... he's all "No, let me just get this one..." Had Stephany been armed... I'm just say'en... they could have eaten well with a roast-of-Judd. The Naks lose... and Steph thinks she's cursed. The editors throw in some more idiot monkey images and mix ‘em up with Judd till we're all confused about which is which... and the kids are talking about who to send home. It's four ex Yash and four Naks... but Steph and Jamie have the Captain Menza in their hip pockets, so Judd agrees to fry Brooke as per Stephanie's instructions. Jeff takes the time to comment on loyalty at council and Judd maybe sees just how big a mistake he's just made. :)

Fav Quote
Brian... after Gary gets a shower at the reward mixer: "Oh Gary... we'll be smelling you all night... just sniffing!!!" He's vibrating I tell ya...

Judd... eloquent as always: "Get out of my jungle..." He was just saying this to the camera because... he's big and cool... and remarkably dumb.

Most Memorable Moment
Sadly.. the pee alliance moment. I mean... the camera comes up behind these guys... (Blake and Bobby Idiot) they're pissing away ... and yapping about having one another's backs and then they shake on it... and all over house-wives across America moaned.

Burn Baby Burn
(aka "Tribal Council")

"So Steph... do you feel like your fricking cursed or what?"... er... well, so I paraphrased that. Jeff's sets on all of them at council but the game is all about whether or not Judd will stick with his team or Stephanie. He has a penis... so he's sticking with Steph.

The winner...
The "out there" choice for winner... Margaret. The nurse. She's got stamina, eats like a bird, has agility and ... and ... and... ;)

Two Things...
~ "who is the hungriest? Oh here's an apple. And you guys? Here's a three course meal." Bwahahaha... suckers with the apples.
~ How can they be so daft that they'd just let Judd keep throwing???

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