Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Amazing Race 8 Update!!!

Amazing Race 8 Update!!



Thank God... again.



It's all about... a sub-game to be the team that says "Thank God" or (because some are just closer) "thank you god" the most over the course of the race. Phil, of course, gets to say "The black family" again... and you know he's loving that... but sadly he prol'y wont say "the stupid family"... although after tonight's show... he just might.



Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The Race Details...")
So, wake up in Lancaster, and find the farm owners engaged in a wild three way with Phil... oh, then really wake up... and zoom it out to find a big shoe.
~ big silly cliché Americana shoe with clue...
~ then get sent to downtown Washington, DC. Unless you're the Rogers family, in which case, the CLEARLY EXPLAINED INSTRUCTIONS TO TAKE 30 WEST are irrelevant because dear ol'dad has an eight hundred pound stick up his "Men should be in charge" ass... so they go on the 30 East.
~ Find the clue by the reflecting pool at the capitol building... or wander aimlessly for HOURS by the reflecting pool at the Monument... s'up to you...
~ Road Block... exchange briefcases with some stranger that says "The sea is green" after you tell them that "the sky is blue" (with visions of Michael York saying "Blue Bunting"*
~ now drive to Virginia... so you can play a Detour: carry 5 dead soldiers or fill and light 20 lamps. It's Civil War re-enactment time with the vast Virginian gangs of people that have so much free time it's like...they have no internet or something...
~ and the other side of the Detour... is Phil and a trip for the first place winners to go to Bermuda.

The Good
The Buffs (the Linz sibs) and the Peanuts (Shroeder family) both did really well this time. Took a risk with a short cut... and they make some good choices... ultimately staying out of last. It was hard to find the good in people tonight... because you spent so much time wanting to peel the flesh back on the Paola sons and pour lighter fluid on the exposed muscles. Reilly, the younger brother to the trailer sisters and their "I once was a skank ho but have since found religion" mom deserves to get a medal at the end of every leg of the game. They boss his fourteen year old ass around and he basically does everything except drive... because he can only drive in Ohio... ;)

When the Gaghan family (two little kids) starts to listen to their kids, they'll do fine. For now, they're lost at the wrong reflecting pool (didn't read the clue huh!) and when the little boy says "lets ask somebody" daddy actually admonishes him and talks him out of it... so they search for another hour!!! Gah!!! I was hollering at the TV when they decided to carry the dead soldiers in the Detour (versus filling the lamps) because... I mean... holy crap... the kids are tiny and the dead guys are full size! But ... in the end they not only did it (go go Gaghan's) but how could you not take those kids to the front fo the battle!!! :D :D Eventually they catch a break via the idiot Rogers family (see losers below) and then manage to make the finish line in 7th (or 9!).

The Bad
Oh god... oh god... thank you god... thank the lord... thank god... oh god... oh oh oh god god god... oh my gosh... thank you Jesus... GAH!!!! Enough already... if she's up there... she heard you already and she's prol'y wishing you'd shut up!!! And this applies to the whole damn lot of you. Somebody better say Fuck soon... or I'm gonna think you're all robots.

Mr. NoNeck... Aiello is remarkably like a little Bilbo Baggins... except hobbits can prol'y run faster. There is heart disease in this one... just wait...

Goal number 1: So... in this game, the idea is to get to the end... first. However, the need to scream all the freaking time clearly trumps goal number 1. Everybody is wandering around the reflecting pool – well "everyone" except the people that didn't read the clue – and when the Weavers (trailer girls, their little brother, and the Nun) find it... the scream so loud that people wandering, lost, on the far side of the reflecting pool see them, do the math and come-a-running.

The Ugly
If there is a god... lightening will arc from the heavens and smote... smite? those little fuckers in the Paola family, Dj and Brian. They're like horrid extras on an underground episode of Family Guy. Of course, the editors are blanking out all the shit mom says to them so we never see what sets the little cretins off, but "off" they are ... ragging on mom every time they are on camera. Mom tells 'em to get gas while their on the highway and they don't to gain some advantage... Of course, they are running out of gas later (THEY'RE ALL DRIVING FRICKING YUKONS!) so it's time for Mom to never-shut-up-about "you should have stopped... but Noooooooooooooooooo nobody ever listens to me... Just once... Just once I wish you'd listen to me... but no. You have to yell at me... and not listen.. when I said Stop for Gas..." and then the first Menendez brother pulls out the 12 gage...

The Exceptionally Pathetic
This season of the Amazing Race... unless perhaps they bring out some big ass excitement and soon!!!!
~ ok, and the shoe was pathetic... but I think that's a "pathetic" that belongs to Pennsylvania in general. (and don't get all up on me about farming states... I grok their intrinsic value... but I'm talking about The Amazing Race here, not Americas Bread Basket)

The Losers
Alrighty...so exactly how long do you think the Rogers family will have dinner conversations that include young Brock brushing his greasy hair out of his eyes and saying "you should have listened to me." Followed, immediately by Dad reaching across the table and belting his son? Holy Family In Crisis... bwahahahaha... they'll be on Dr. Phil next year. First dad tells his kid to drive... then tells him to take the wrong highway, then, while the son tells everyone in the car that this is wrong... dad gives him hard core shit for missing the exit, driving the wrong way and blames the kid for the crisis in the middle east. Dad eventually eats crow but not before they TELL THE GAGHANS that their at the wrong reflecting pool... leading inevitably to the Rogers getting kicked out. Suckas...

The Winners...
The Screamers (Weavers) come in first place... but that's only because Jesus is helping them.

Crystal Ball Time
I still want and expect the Gaghan's to do well... maybe even win – only if Dad starts listening to his son... but the Pink Ladies may just be the ones to squeak into the money circle. If they do win, it will be the first time the team with the nice breasts win.

oh and...
~ speaking of breasts... we saw Victoria and whatever his punk ass name was (the horribly abusive guy and the blonde nitwit) on some entertainment news show being red-carpet interviewed the other day... I would have sworn he'd have been killed by raging feminists after they lost that season.


* no way anybody is gonna get that reference...

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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

  • Monday, February 17, 2014

    Hiya. :) Today was one of those “oh look… LJ is still there” days. Oh how I miss the old days when LJ was pretty much a playground filled with my…