Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless


A Tale of Woah... in three parts.
(no really... it all ties together... sorta)

The Dance.
I had this friend in highschool... he was a short guy, and I only mention that because his stature fits into the story. He was a bit of a nut and was always goofing around. This paid him back in rocks one day as we were walking towards the "smoking area" (yes, we had a smoking zone outside). We passed the pay phones. There were two of them... except one was ... well, the handset was gone. Three lonely wires extended from the silver snake like cable that used to connect the handset to the box. Mike... his name was mike, Mike steps ahead of us and over to the phone and separates the wires...and trying to be the joker... holds them against his head as though they were the hand set... "Hey guys, look... - ‘hullo? hull..." and then zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzap!! At first we had no idea what was up... but red wire against his lip and white wire IN his ear... He froze... he twitched a few times and then threw the wires away from himself... and then he started doing this dance. He and his short little self started bouncing up and down, arms twitching, head snapping back and forth... This went on for about 20 seconds... then it ended. He was fine... although he was never actually fine to start with but still... He did the "Electric Dance" and then we went for a smoke.

The Beaver
Geo spent a season as a Beaver. This is pre-cubs... and it’s basically ... weird. I mean, the kids play great games, and create things but ... I couldn’t help notice the little military industrial complex side of things as they all lined up and had to look sharp.. haha.. and then there was the other parents who were so freaking intense about EVERYTHING that they just made me sick to my stomach. I remember one guy that was so religion-racist that he was demanding that all the kids should be catholic... "or at l east they should convert..." er... yeah, whatever white boy.
Anyways... they had this Beaver. A stuffed bear type thing set on the floor that they put in the middle of the room and all the kids lined up around the beaver. Now the beaver was (seriously) scary looking. It was the "angry beaver". [ :: a picture :: ] And they did the Beaver Salute. Imagine someone holding up one hand with two fingers up, curled, and they’re making a buck tooth kinda face and a "snitch snitch" noise... it’s absolutely psychotic... We went on this big beaver bonanza (shhh) thing where little beavers from all over Ontario showed up in Ottawa and we all (one adult per kid) spent the night at the National Museum of Natural History... You know... where they have the beavers. These "national beaver coordinators" were there... with their "camp blankets" (big blankets with a hole in the middle to stick your head through... and the blanket is covered with badges earned doing ... whatever. K, so these "coordinator" dudes were the scariest things of all and when the lights were low and they were doing their beaver salute all over the place... I was wishing I had a Tazare..

The Rabbit.
Ok, now the point of this little story.... The Rabbit.
We watched Donnie Darko last night. I dunno if you’ve seen this or not... but dude, lemmi tell ya... Frank... the Rabbit...he is one scary muther fucker of a rabbit. Geezus.
As is usually the case with us... we started watching a little late so it was like 2:00 am when we finished. Bed time and we wanted to check email before bed but ... low and behold ... the net is down.
My server is a linux host in our basement. It’s in the back... near the ‘lectric panel and the phone line demarck... all tucked away with a chair and alight for doing things that can only be done right at the console.. I was on the phone with my ISP at 2:05, in the basement listening to some tech dude tell me that from 2 – 6 there would be scheduled maintenance taking place. ... Fine... whatever... I’m clicking off the monitor... hanging up the portable phone... standing and turning to leave.
... and Z was there.
She was standing there... four feet away... making the scary beaver salute thing complete with the teeth and the little "snitchy" noise...
Holy mother of god... my heart shot straight out of my chest and my eyes bugged out... I yelled and ... for about 45 seconds... I was hopping around doing the electrical dance... trying to calm down.
Handily... the most "solid scare" I’ve had in ages.
I’m surprised I didn’t wet my pants or ... have a heart attack.
Meanwhile... Suz was only there to ask me something about the server...and only did the beaver thing as a spur of the moment thing... She was having trouble breathing she was laughing so hard.
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