Survivor X : Palau
He What? : The Finale!
Wherein... another season of Survivor comes to an end. There's one born every minute, and three of 'em end up in the final poop fest that was the night of the final three. No seriously... moronic behavior prevails, but at least Coby named his adopted daughter after the emaciated, lazy, flip case of an exotic dancer. Wohooo....
Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
With Katie spewing the "Ian betrayed me" line at full speed, and the girls and Ian deciding to burn Tom if he falters we head into the first of two immunity games, and it's way physical... so someone should give katie a nail file. It's the "tied to a rope" obstacle course with crawling, climbing and lots of untying. Tom wins and he tells Jenn she's taking a walk. So she hangs Ian out the first chance she gets... and this is Ian we're talking about and he says something stupid every eleven minutes. Jenn plays Tom like a delicate violin pitting him against Ian. They go "under the guns" and blab away like mad trying out rat-out each other... then they tie a vote between Ian and Jenn. They deadlock and it's time for them to build little fires. Ian rocks, and Jenn toooootally blows pigs in space. Bye Jen. Ok, so far so good... As per some weird plan they had at the get go, it's Ian, Katie and Tom in the final trio. But what's this? Why it's Katie and Tom spreading cheeks and pooo'ing all over Ian in a late night, fireside tirade of blame for his part in the girls plan to toast Tom. Add to that Katie’s relentless "Rule Him Through Guilt" flip out on Ian and you have one seriously messed up little dolphin trainer. Tom's maddening blame game was totally stupid and you'd think Mr. Tall and Lanky would... you know... get a little punchy... maybe a little bruised and ready to rumble. So to show everybody what he's made of... to show us all who's boss... he embarks on an eleven hour endurance final-immunity against Tom (Katie dropped out early so she could have a little lie down...). Eleven hours standing on a wee tiny platform on a tippy, floaty buoy anchored in the bay. Eleven hours... and then Ian’s brain burst out of his ear, dove in the water, and swam to shore. Now the Scarecrow was free to say "I'll tell you what... I'll jump off, if you promise to pick Katie to go with you to the final two." No really... I wouldn't make this up. Third place gets 85k, second gets 100K and the winner gets a cool mill. Dude spit on 15K and abandoned all hope of the million... because he wanted to buy his reputation from these two fuckers whom he will never see again, save for some awkward reunion thing where Richard Hatch will probably show up naked, drunk and be crying about something. Ian falls on his sword, rises, and eviscerates himself over and over again, leaving Katie and Tom to face the music. The music was lovely medley of "Katie you pathetic lazy bitch" and "Hold still. I want to poop on you" as performed by the "happy jury". Steph actually had a little class during the "speak your mind" moment, but Greg made up for her by being remarkably inappropriate and cruel. Katie sticks to her story of "word yo! I skated... and dig! I'm here, you're there... deal with it." Of course, Tom had to say "honour" about six hundred times. They vote... time shifts... everybody gets a little plumper and some blonder, then Dom Jeff reads 'em off. Tom wins... and a bunch of firemen make a lot of noise.
Most Memorable Moment
Of the episode... when Katie hammers the final nail in Ian’s casket with "did you lie to me at all in the last 24 hours?" ... oh man. Well d'uh!
Of the series: For me the best moment, well, moments actually, were the two pillow fight and "drown the bastard" games. I think the first was for immunity and the second was for a reward but both were totally brutal and really quite nasty! Steph rocked on the pillow thing with n-n-n-nasty blows to Jenn and Angie was totally psycho in the water fight thing (draggin one another to your markers in water). Remember her dunking and thumping Greg... the look on her face?
The Darwin Affect
Ian is not the brightest bulb in the fish tank heat light back at marine land. No way. He has a lot to learn about arguing or at least not being brow beaten. Tom and Katie were going at him like Pimps bitchen out their hoe. And he takes it.
Two things...
~ So the next one is in Guatemala... at Mayan Ruins... sounds cool. Survivor Maps will no doubt have the scoop on that game soon. If not already.
~ I honestly think, of the two nimrods that were sitting there... Katie played a better game. Tom was just an aggressive, strong arm, bag of testosterone. Katie had to do the Outwitting...
ps. thank you for reading. I love that I get to try and give you a laugh. :D
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