Amazing Race 7 Update!!
Sings: Aint Too Proud To Beg...
It's all about... a wee trip to the islands, mon... or as Ron says "Ahhhh the smell of a third world country." They're flying around, dancing through the night, sleep'en on the beach, building rafts, chopping onions and hitting balls... It's the end game and definitely not the time to get lost! Cue the cab ride!
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka “The finale show, in as few words as possible!")
Two hours of Amazing Race goodness kicks off with a flight to Jamaica. Sadly, this includes Ron and The Sash Lady going Dr. Phil in the airport. She cries, flashes the camera and professes her love while he goobers along telling her to shut-up about sixteen million times. Next thing you know, its roadblock limbo time at some beach, so we separate the mildly limber from the Gumby’s to assign exit times for the next morning. They detour and build a raft, float on it, snag a clue and head to Montego Bay. It's slapstick time with a flat tire for Uchen, cops pulling over Rob and the psycho nut bars coming in first (Ron and Kelly! who else?). It's a non elimination checkpoint so Phil rapes Uchen and Baldy and they all set off on hour number two.
Joyce and her eyeballsbuggingoutofherhead makes one crummy beggar. Uchen is only slightly better... They could both use a little marvin gay. The teams are trying to get to some town (Lucie you got some 'splain’en to do!), steal some onions, cut them up and then do a detour with golf balls or this weirdness with a horse and the ocean surf. They all choose the golf ball thing (hit it 140 yds to green), but Kelly's choice was best - as she ponders the best course of action to get to the million says "Lets golf... remember? I took that lesson." (ahhhh!) The beggars head to the airport instead and just suck at begging! They’re way behind as they go through to the golf ball thing but they all bunch up in Puerto Rico at an abandoned sugar factory. It’s a roadblock hi-jump into the ocean and then flying to a cigar store in Little Havana, Miami, Florida. Ramber snags stand-by seats on a lucky flight and then, miracle of miracles, the captain (hangs up his cell call from the producers lol) and they reattach the sky-way letting Uchen and Joyce on as well. One of those horse shoes that have been endlessly popping out of Robs ass snags on something they run the wrong way at the water jump road block. Rob asking Amber "where is everybody?" and her vacant stare... was kinda worth the price of admission. Then it’s Ramber Luck TCT (total constipation time) and then when they can’t find the location of a cigar store in Miami. The vein pulsing and wriggling on Rob’s temple made crystal clear how much he was suffering... (dr. evil pinky to the lips moment). Uchen and Cue Ball were at the flipping finish line but needed 25$ more to pay the cabbie. Meanwhile Ramber draws ever closer. Ron and Miss Chin Dimple left loads later for Miami so they're totally toast. Uchen is ... well, would be pulling his hair out, flagging down cars to ask for cash. Some dude watched himself on national television turning Uchen down. Meanwhile we’re yelling at the tv for Ramber’s car to explode or something. Then finally... he gets the cash, pays the dude, and they run for the finish line. They cross and for the first time in a loooong time... the good guys win. I am well pleased.
You gotta love that Uchen worked at Enron and Joyce at Worldcom. It’s some serious good mojo that they won the million.
~ I read somewhere that the next season will be families of four!
~ Phil has one fricking weird body. Look at the size of his hands... length of his torso... I'm thinking alien.
~ You. Reading this... thank you. No really... Thanx! :D
[ click the banner below to link with the Amazing Race section of my web site ]