Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

The Garden Gnome Game

It's all about... Ramber finally getting burned... bottom line. And it was so sweeeet too. I mean, he totally shot himself in the foot... The gang wings it to Turkey, plays with sneaky little gnomes, reminds themselves that Americans are fat, and then the all storm a castle. Overall, a really great episode.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Ready, Set.... Go!
They all take off from a sprawling, nasty, indian city and do the zoom thing to get to the airport. Destination? Turkey... Goal? Some punk ass little island named Kiz with lighthouse on it in the bay outside of Istanbul. Airport hijinx includes Boston Knob trying to lay a little head fuck on Uchen by asking him if he was booked on the "earlier flight" when, to his knowledge, there was no such flight. With the sound of the word "sucka" bouncing off my television, Uchen finds an earlier flight thanks to nothing but Robs comment. Uchen and the bald chick (I just like saying that) takes Meri and Gretch and they haul ass to Turkey a full two hours ahead of Amber and her douche... who happen to still be stringing along the POW and the ironically named Beauty Queen.
The light-house clue leads has 'em all searching the mini island for a garden gnome and then dragging it around for the rest of the show like they were in a weird Amile promo. This takes them to the Detour with is a choice between weighing a bunch of random people in a public square (the temptation to say "turkeys" is almost overpowering!) or to sort out a treasure map thing leading to the a clue in a seriously groove station underground cistern with a zillion wells. Everybody does the weigh thing except Ron and Kelly... which translates into Ron doing it and Kelly bitching about it. From there it's off to a castle where they have a Road Block. They have to climb a big ass wall using a rope ladder, then a steep stone twisty stairwell, find a key and then jump off the tall tower and repel down into the inside of the castle... from there, they go and let their partner in and hoof it to the finish line!

The Good
Rob and his can't-stop-being-a-shit personality asks Uchen if he's on the earlier flight... and while Rob thinks there isn't one... Uchen looks. So... Uchen goes and finds one... bwaahahahahahahahahahahaa... Ramber thinks they are totally in the lead right up until the boat ride to the Light House when bad news from the captain comes along as he tells them there's been two other couples. Burnnnnnnn!

Apparently Meredith damaged his ankle in some earlier accident (internet news), so he gets a pass on making Gretchen do the Road Block... but keep in mind that each player can only do so many Road Blocks. When Gretch was repelling down the side of that castle, I was busy being really frick'en impressed with her capability. They two of them are as dumb as posts (all the times they have had to search for things in plain sight!!!!!) so their days are probably numbered... but it would some sweet moment to see them beat Rob and his trailer hitch.

And props to the show for the garden gnome thing... each one with a sticker on the bottom and only one of those stickers earns the holder a trip at the end of the leg. Cool random deal... Too bad Ron and Kelly win the trip (and $20k and a night in a hotshot hotel).

The Bad
How cool was the closing shot? You have Ramber on the mat coming in third out of four and we see POW Ron standing on that tower in the distance... just fucking standing there. Tool. I mean... ok, he couldn't find the key... on the wall in front of him... but that he and Kelly didn't dress in all their shit before they hit the mat... was super dumb.

The Ugly
Rob is really just loving being the nasty guy and he plays it so well... When he's sitting in the airport dissing Meri and Uchen with a little "the blind leading the blind", Uchen and Meri are in the air on route to Turkey. So the way they morphed from happy hotdogs to overcooked sausages when the boat captain told them they were in third... was waaaay ugly. I mean, did you see Trailer Hitch's face?

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Ok so everyone clap if your sick of Kelly? The "you were a POW to get out of being in the army" was just fricking pathetic... but his lame ass reserved response was even worse. He should have been holding her screaming head out the window of the cab... and his stock would have gone way up.

The Losers
Ron and Kelly totally lost... and - for our viewing enjoyment - it was a non-elimination round... so they get stripped and robbed heading into the next leg. Now lets just hope they suffer a bit!

The Winners...
Now how many times are Uchen and Joyce going to get screwed over by the show for coming in first and not winning a trip?

Exit order...
~ Ron and Kelly next, then Gretch and Meri, with Ramber in second and Uchen and Joyce taking the moola! :D

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