Survivor X : Palau
It's a Cage Match!
Wherein... we bear witness to the many faces of Janu; crazy, angry, broken, sick, successful, spirited, resigned and magnanimous to a fault. Of course, Jedi Master Jeff gets in on the action by stepping wwwwwwway outside the lines and uses his Jedi powers to influence the outcome of tribal council. [kermit time] Strangely impressed, Yoda is.
And I'm just say'en... hands down, this run has been the most fun with Survivor in ages!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
A long time ago... in a jungle far far away... the rebel forces of Koror are being challenged by the dark lord. Fricken Katie, representing everything you hated about girls in high school, takes a moment to dis out on Janu and, because Koror really is the Caf from your high school, Janu hears it and decides it's time to unleash the angry monkey within. Fortunately for Katie, it's a very skinny, hungry and sickly looking monkey so all we get is Janu bitch talking Katie to her face. It's like lunch time theater but the Reward game looms. Two teams from Camp White Folk race to build a scaffolding that starts in deep water and ends eight feet above... the winning team gets to go enjoy a traditional Palauan feast with a little gang of natives... but first this is the time on Sproket when we dance! Janu, looking rather ... dead, grabs the chubby baby in the native chiefs hands and begins to gnaw on it's arm... er.. ok, not. But after watching them dance and letting ol'king cole anoint them with some native blessing they were finally led to a hut with food a'plenty. In fact, just enough for Karin Carpenter to race for the bush. Too much too soon for her sickly frame! They bring back food for the others... and then Janu and Caryn start eating it... (wtf?) From this to Immunity and baby... it's a cage match. Jeff slips a little towards the dark side with this underwater cage thing that will drown you at high tide. There's no back to the cage so you can escape... but who will leave last? Not to mention who will leave first. Last gets immunity (hello Tom - again) but first gets their ass kicked to a deserted island for the night. Janu bails and ... everyone belittles her with cutting laughter and Jeff calls 'em on it. She suffers then triumphs on her island adventure, yet comes back to stick a knife as far into her fellow Kororians as she can... With Master Yoda at the helm the good ship Janu is maneuvered into a corner where she drops her torch at tribal to keep the others from frying Steph.
Most Memorable Moment(s)
The look of glee on Jeff’s face when he sets up the cage match turns to a genuine look of concern as his first taunt sends Janu packing...
... and the look of cold satisfaction when his prompts at tribal council garner an "ultimate sacrifice" from Janu.
A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
Katie gets the ball rolling: "She [Janu] is a crazy person!!"
Janu hears this and puts her bitch on for Katie... and it all seems to rise to this moment when Janu quits the Immunity game and everyone else literally laughs at her skinny ass because she's gonna be stranded. Jeff asks Janu if she has ever built fire... and when she says "no" they all laugh at her again. Jeff is mildly shocked and mostly just seems to dislike the lot of them and says, of their behavior, "What am I supposed to think?"
Janu, Tom, Greg and Caryn versus Steph, Katie, Jen and Ian... the game? grab big ass hunk of square scaffolding and run it out to a deep water mount and fit it in place... rinse, repeat. Eventually it's tall 'nuf for you to climb it, grab a flag and race back to shore. Toms team holds a persistent lead and takes the prize. The prize? Go watch some locals dance with sea shells on their boobies like a flock of Lucile Ball wanna-bees, let the Chief lay some curse on your ass, and then it's chow time, island style. They all lay into corn on the cob while I yell at my TV about how hard that is to digest and bingo... Janu is head first in a bush hacking out the two ounces of food her shrunken tummy can hold. I have yet to see one of them get to a food reward and eat intelligently. They bring some munchies back and we get to listen to all the shit Katie has to say about Caryn and Janu picking at the food they brought back... Katie bitching? When will the surprises stop?
Steph has the news... She is She-Ra, Queen of the Jungle and every single Kororian feels like she is a threat. Tom, the roll-over king of deal making, bails on his alliance with Steph and the seeds are sewn to off her. When they lie to her about it... she totally nails it and calls it out loud. She's pissed and depressed all at the same time...
The game is simple... stand in a cage and let the tide rise around you until you believe you have to leave or drown. There's no back on the cage so the leaving part is easy. Six minutes into it, Janu's anemic body is shivering like mad and Jeff tries a little taunting... she has a clean panic attack (or was it a total mind fuck on her part to get the hell away from camp crazy for one night?) and jumps back. Her number is up and she is motored to some beach with a camera crew. She has a flint etc so she tries for two hours to light a fire... and just when we think she’s done for... she gets her blaze on. She's dancing and twirling and feeling a little she-ra herself. The game played out with Tom winning thanks to his ingenuity - using his hand to make a nominal snorkel to gain the few moments required for a win.
The Darwin Affect
Tom needs to go totally Colby (Survivor Australia) and win freaking every immunity or they are going to fry his ass for being Captain America in every game. Why doesn't he know this?
Jeff can see it... Steph thinks she's going home because the others fear her... and Janu wants to go home but the others are forcing her to stay as canon fodder for some future tribal council (as they are saving Caryn, Katie and Jen... but they haven't realized that yet). So Jeff plays out a little rope asking Steph why she's so tripped out. She lets the water works go a bit over the whole thing... then Jeff starts on Janu. He does a few... "so what your saying is..." about Janus waffling around with her words which ultimately said "I wish I was going..." and he tells her she can always quit... So... SHE DOES. Jeff does another "so what your saying..." and she up and lays down her torch. Steph is there saying don't do this just for me... and Janu actually says "Oh... you want me to say it different... " and then does. She intimates quite clearly that she hopes it fucks up the other guys plans plenty to have Steph stay. Meanwhile I'm cheering away like mad... :D
~ The loved ones episode has got to be coming...
~ The previews show something about a girl alliance, which would be great... because that's the only way the fireman can be stopped.
(go steph go!)
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