Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

Amazing Race 7 Update!!


Luck Now!


It's all about... ten little indians, running around in circles. "We all got on the same flight... now we don't wanna break a hip!" Of course, some of the indians are getting on in years. It's a gaggle of american cliches moving through India with the grace of a runaway Winnebago.




Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka “The show, in as few words as possible!")
A single leg of the race drawn out over two shows... starting with the early and late flights that land everyone in Lucknow, India. It's everyone versus Ramber, except for Kelly and Ron, who are smart enough to know they're going to be punished for hanging with Ramber and too stupid to figure out how to walk away from them. They all clue it across Lucknow to a Yield and a shop full of steel boxes. Ron goes off about bombing Bagdad again and when it was time to yield Ramber so they could pull ahead... he basically asks Rob if he should... d'oh. Not to be outdone, Kelly ponies up the stupid bar thinking all the clues at the road block would be hidden in the same box. They had to find a clue among six hundred steel boxes. They all find their clue, although Gretchen reminds us how dim her bulb burns when she's walking past stacks and stacks of boxes and wonders "where should I look?". Sickeningly, Rob and the stationary-hitch make it to the mat and Phil first, but the jokes on them... they have to endure Phil making this really fricken strange face and get handed a clue sending them on their way.
Now, in part two, the Lucknow Ten are sent on a train ride that starts with a total bunch up at the station. Gretchen wails "Oh my gawd..." yet again and when they are all passed out on the twenty four hour train ride, some weird ass zombie dude lurches into their sleep car and hands them a clue. They're off to some market that - surprise - doesn't open till like 9:00 pm. Again with the bunch up. Uchen and Joyce nail the Fast Forward while everyone else elects to push a six hundred pound rolling elephant thing from here to there. The FF is a head-shaving ritual and Joyce goes for it... just as she should (one million dollars), while Uchen rubs his already-bald head and contemplates just how many times per hour he can say "you're beautiful baby". Despite getting lost... twice, en route to the FF, Uchen and Baldy come in dead first!! Everybody else? Is still messing around in India. Rob is going all Michael Jackson, literally grabbing little boys off the street to help push his elephant. After a hearty "Oh Gawd" from Gretch, she climbs into the basket atop the elephant and yells at everyone from above. Rob has an indentured servant (Sanjay) that he collected at the hotel last night and he is totally bossing the little ass kisser around all day. From here they all clue it to a Roadblock that is basically steering a camel-pulled-cart around a track twice. The best part of the show was watching Gretchen burst out laughing at Ambers misfortune in the Camel cart... hahaha... After the camel thing, Ron and Kelly go neck and neck with Ramber right to the finish line and win second place. Ramber in third, (thank god), with Ma and Pa Kettle pulling in very surprised to find themselves in fourth. That leaves the flames who come in a healthy last place and get sent home... with Alex wearing everything he owns again.

The Good
No contest! Joyce going for the head shave was the total shit! I mean, you'd think... d'uh, one million dollars... of course. But last time they tried this it was with a couple of model slash dick heads and they were having none of that. She bawled a bit and he knows he's gonna pay. Way to go Joyce!

And... I was worried Meri was going down clutching his chest during the elephant push. Gretchen’s proclamation that "we have a bad elephant" was only outdone buy her bellow "we got an obstinate camel!" No matter how nutty she gets, it's pretty damned impressive that they have made it this far... and Phil anoints them the Longest Lived Oldsters in the AR series to date!

The Bad
Hey gay guys... what the fuck? I was counting on you two to show up Ramber at the last second and you go and drive to the wrong fricking temple? Please commence slapping one another until I tell you to stop!

The Ugly
Rob... in so many ways.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
What the fuck??? Where was a trip for Uchen and Joyce... Joyce with the bald fucking head... and they don't get a trip? WTF? You saving it for Ramber to come in first again?

The Losers
Dough head boys... the flapping flamers, drive to the wrong temple after putting on an exceptional show for most of the game... and presto... they're out. Kind of a bummer. Did you see when Lynn was telling someone to help Gretchen and Meri push their elephant?

The Winners...
Totally glad they won tonight and, if the gods are smiling... they'll take home the big prize. Joyce and Uchen are playing a good race. If it's anybody but them... then the old guys just for the fun of it. But damn, that Boston Knob is playing to win!

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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

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