Survivor X : Palau
Pass Me Some Kleenex!
Wherein... I actually teared up watching Survivor. What the hell is happening in the world that this is possible! Gah!!! Stephanie ... finally moves over to Camp Brainiac, where the boys sit about considering the size of their hooks and the girls contemplate flaying flesh from Tom "Wont Let Us Shower" The Shark Killah! The felching rat rammed up Lon Channy's ass must be stinging ‘cause that boy is all about being a nasty little snot, but that's ok... there's always the animated corpse of Janu to make fun of.
(the show in as few words as possible!)
Twenty-one days in, nineteen to go, and Stephanie is all alone at camp She-Ra. She's on the last threads of her own, not insignificant constitution. She tries to fish... she struggles to get a coconut and keep the fire going. He bottom lip even quivers... but when she can barely get the words out reading tree mail, in light of her utter joy at being told to go join the kiddies at Koror... I was all over the Kleenex. (no question... the only truly significant emotional moment I've ever had watching this show – she is so totally the essential "survivor".) Meanwhile, Coby is having trouble dealing with the mental instability accompanying his monthly cycle of being a total pain in the ever love'en ass!(pun intended!). If it's at Camp Koror... Coby has whined, complained and otherwise bitched about it. Stephanie shows up... and there is excitement in the air. Of course, that could just be the smell of Coby's shorts after he realizes he gets to try and get a new person to like him. Jeff asks a couple of middle aged, pear shaped, "native Palau'ens" to climb down out of their tree houses to go and help the kids learn to fish... And while I kept waiting for Native "Joe" to pull out his iPod and start dancing, they sure did catch a lot of fish. – all the while... Coby pisses and whines about not being included... Damn... is there any wonder he was left till the end when the grade school kids made teams? Coby tries to indoctrinate Steph with his "oh... here's the scoop" moments... As do Katie, and Tom... and you gotta know it's total overload to She-Ra who has only had the grunting conversations with the past losers of Ulong. Actual strategy talk... my my my.
Jeff shows up to lead the gang through the first Individual Immunity game for Koror and it's all about how long you can "stand and deliver". They are all perched on individual pedestals in the water. Last one standing... wins. Of course, Jeff has to trot out Donuts, then cookies and finally an actual Pizza to draw the kids away from their endurance lessons. In the end only Tom turns away from temptation and he gets a shark jaw on a string around his neck. I, of course, panic about Stephanie, but it hardly matters... what with Coby running around camp verbally peeing everywhere. He takes most of the votes – much to Janu's great surprise – and then Jeff flips us out with the preview for next week.
Most Memorable Moment
Come on... no brainer!!! When Steph is trying to read the tree mail and she can barely get the works out through her tears of joy at being rescued from a lonely life surrounded by the remains of Camp Loser. I mean... I even get choked up about it... just typing this out! :)
A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
"Oh my gosh... I get to have friends!!!!" Yeah, that was Steph making me all mushy...
"Greg and Tom spend their time looking at the size of their hooks!" and that would be Coby, his tiny little penis and even smaller speedo, talking.
"Katie shot up Stephanie's but!" hahahaha... No... that would be a random memory from summer camp there Coby...
Ian, raising the ghostly specters of two too thin white girls trying desperately to parlay breast implants and whitened teeth into a Survivor win, "I would take my clothes off for chocolate and peanut butter." Jeff comes back with "No, Ian, nobody wants to see that." ... reminding us that a lot of people, in fact, wanted to see Heidi and Jenna ... hence the playboy spread.
Well there was no reward game... Koror just gets to have Stephanie... and while that is likely reward enough, Jeff throws in a couple of old Palau'ans to teach the kids how to fish. Sadly, fifty years of advancing the role of women in society is out the window as the boys take on the tough "fishing" job while Coby and her sisters go and collect bait. The native boys ... Joe and ... his buddy, spend a few hours making the boys feel remarkably inadequate but hopefully, they've learned something about fishing.
Welcomes Stephanie... with open arms and massive alliance plotting. Jen, the girl Steph so soundly kicked the shit out of on the Pillow Fight challenge, kinda wants her out, but everybody is sick-to-death of whiney Coby. So he basically writes his own bus ticket to the Jury box.
So long Ulong.
Yeah, so this one's a retread... d'uh. Nine little stoops out in the water for the kids to stand on, while Jeff tries to lure them to shore with deep fried trans fat and cholesterol.... And a pizza.
Dick head Coby and The Corpse (janu) both leap the very second Jeff shows up with a couple of donuts. Four more cash out at the scent of chocolate (cookies) and then Steph and Caryn cave for a pizza, leaving Tom to claim the prize. I have to admit, I was kinda worried for Steph in this game. If she's too strong she'll appear as a threat to the alpha boys, and too weak... she'll look like a let down. Despite my worry... I suspect she played it exactly as it needed to be played.
The Darwin Affect
Yeah... so if you're in a game that has a million dollar prize at the end for the one person that lasts the longest... you can prol'y skip any plans that include wandering around with a scowl and bitching about EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. No really... Coby you are just not that smart boyo...
After setting Steph up for several years of therapy by calling her on jumping from her perch for the pizza, Jeff invites the kids to vote and they soundly toss Coby to Camp Wanda. Best part? Janu doing the confused, starving budgie, jerky bobble head thing with her mouth hanging open. She totally expected to go home... and why not... All she's done for three days is lay in the hammock and fart.
~ You know you want more Steph. I say she gets her own show within two years.
~ Next week??? WTF???? Jeff: "The first person to bail, will be abandoned to live on your own." W-w-w-w-wicked! :D
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