Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

Part One: Ghetto Face Lift

It's all about... two episodes in one night... :D It's a marathon Amazing Race night! From Buenos Aeries to Soweto, it's an action filled night with blood splattered old people, diapers on old people, and some freaky ass shit going on with Deana's face. Not that anybody said anything... I mean what the hell is up with that... The right side of her face ... was like ...limp. Here’s a review of the first show.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
Part One: Ghetto Face Lift
Get the hell out of Argentina!
~ The are Jo-burg bound! Which is a total bunch-up at the Airport, except that two teams (POW-Ron and Pageant Girl, Joyce and Uchenyipidilliadope) draw some kind of allegorical short-straw and get totally burned by Evil-Airport-Ticket-Lady... They have to check their back packs!.
~ Johannesburg, South Africa... ground zero for pretty much everything since the dawn of time, is the new play ground. Stop one? Cradle of Humanity for a Detour. Except for Scary Ray and a soon to be strangely-disfigured Deana... those two go for a Fast Forward. Vast power station towers painted like any other inner city expanse of concrete are the setting for Ramber’s first fuck up. Ray and Deana walk across a high wire deal on top of the power-station (little wooden rope bridge) for the FF win but Ramber is at the bottom waffling with indecision about facing the fact that they missed the Fast Forward. They finally split... while Scary and Deana zoom to the pit stop and win a couple of cars for their trouble (bastach!). And here we see Deana with one eye swollen shut and Phil makes like nothing's wrong. (The In-Laws -original version, alan arkin and peter falk - "It's a Z! You didn't tell me it was a Z!")
~ Detour choice; spelunking or running around a black-culture-play-ground with some time consuming reverse scavenger hunt. The Flamers do the play ground and they do that elbows-in-close-forearms-flapping-while-running thing and take forever to complete the task, yet Ramber manages to zoooom through it. The others struggle through a cave walk, crawl, thing and really struggle to read the freaking clue!!! Gretchen, upon their return to the caves after NOT getting the clue on their first go 'round, manages to take a header and gash her sweaty, whiney, slightly vacant, head. Of course, it's a gusher, spreading through her sweat like a mouth wound spreads through saliva. So basically she looked like an extra from Shawn Of The Dead or, in this case, Gretchen-of-the-dead. Meredith gets all wimpery.
~ Next up? Road Block at some outdoor k-mart like market. A scavenger hunt. Every body gets what they need except Ramber also gets some lady stalker to play seeing eye dog while she wets herself over hanging with Boston Rob. (puke).
~ Clue it to an orphanage and give 'em the stuff from the scavenger hunt, wave at the kids, and then run away to the Pit Stop.
~ Zombie Woman (more brains!) and Meredith come in last but it's a non-elim (I knew it would be when the Olds came in last) and Philly gets to lay a new twist on them. They not only give over all their cash and get none at the start of the next leg... they have to give over absolutely everything they have except the clothes on their backs and their passports. They were seriously stunned.!!

The Good
"I've been wanting a face lift for a long time." ... hahahaha... ah Gretchen. She says this as the meds put a single stitch in her head and a big gauze sock over her head (zombie!!!). What a trooper. :D She totally earned the "non elimination" thing.

The Bad
"I'm so glad Johannesburg is a real city! I was so worried it was gonna be chickens and dirt and whatever..." Holy crap Lynn... look'en a little un-eduma-kated there pal. Too busy learning how to flap your arms like that to pay attention in school?

The Ugly
On the scavenger hunt... they had to buy a pack of diapers. The image of Gretchen, in her zombie outfit... bloody face and all, gesturing to show how her Depends fit and saying "diaper" all slow and carefully. Dude behind the counter roles his eyes and tells her to go to the other store in perfect english. The image of Zombie Lady and her diapers ... is just hard to shake off.

The Exceptionally Pathetic
The look ... the utterly absent... vacuous look on Ambers face when Rob asks her to make the decision about whether to stay or go at the Fast Forward. I mean... wow! totally WOW! It was like a robot from West World when they shut the power down. But ... she has a million bucks and a great ass. Whatever.

The Losers
Well... no losers tonight! Meredith and Zombie Lady come in deeeeeead last (hahaha) and get robbed of everything but are not sent home.

The Winners…
Deana and her freaky eye thing stands there with Ray and they get a pair of new 200sxRav4's for coming in first... and they all act like nothings out of the ordinary... except Deana's freak'en face!!!

I want the brothers to win the big money... :)

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