Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Survivor X Update!!

Survivor X : Palau

Man Writing

Wherein... the children of a lesser god find a little favour. Of course they have to find it at the end of a gun, but whatever. Dobby, remains useless, and finds that it's not nice to bad mouth Allah. The show-girl provides the only Koror entertainment, but does it by having a mental break down. Steph gets a complex and Jeff gets to say "I'll go tally the votes" twice... again.

Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
After the big attempt to fry Ibrehem failed at last tribal council, Dobby figures a sound verbal thrashing would help get the night rolling. So the show starts with a night vision view of James hammering nails in his figurative coffin. Dawn finds Ibee pray’en at Camp Loser and Katie weaving chokers at Koror. When the rest of Koror are done imitating Angie suffering the aroma of stew, they all get together to play Bee Bee Gun shooting for Reward. Steph carries Ulong to a rare victory and they get to party with some pacifist Jellyfish. Janu, on the other hand, desperately needs a 1-800 number to scroll past whenever she's on camera. She also needs several thousand dollars worth of counseling and a really big hug. She gets none of this but fortunately she can still untie a knot. The Immunity game is all about tying and untying knots. Naval Commander James has a little trouble tying his toga together and a lot of trouble telling Team Loose-A-Lot how to tie a bunch of knots with ropes. Ulong is, once again, heading back to their home-away-from-home at the tribal council. In anticipation, She-Ra Steph and BJ form an alliance and a plan. It starts with BJ commenting to Steph that the other vote for him (last week) must have come from a man, because the handwriting was ... manly. In that he's talking about her vote, we can only wonder how she will try to changer her handwriting at the next council meeting. Perhaps little Hello Kittie logos or something. A confident Dobby tells us that god loves him and Allah can bite his heiny and then they head off to council. Jeff kicks a little sand in James face and then we watch James almost short circuit as his Alabama ass gets chucked into Wanda World. Clearly not a good idea to bad mouth Allah.

Most Memorable Moment
After his big talk about having the worlds best knots and his never ending demand that people focus, focus, focus dip shit James spends the first four minutes of a 20 minute challenge (immunity) screwing around with the hem of his Dobby Costume. What in gods name was he thinking?

A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
"We Need To Focus!"... James, doing his impersonation of a cheesy motivational poster, can't seem to come up with anything useful to say.

"It starts with a P and ends with an 'ingle'"... ok, this is Katie at a particularly incomprehensible moment, trying to be excited about the "pringles" game.

Jeff, to Caryn, in the last moments of the Reward game; "It's all on you!" And Caryn, the calm, cool and collected one... NOT, proceeds to fuck up.

"So James... have you ever fired a gun?" "heck yeah"... and then he goes on to miss every shot. The game was to man this WWII replica of a cannon that looked just like the one mounted on the back of the Rat Patrol jeep but actually was only a big-ass bee bee gun. The teams had to take turns shooting and knock out "all their ceramic tiles". Steph kept Ulong in this game single-handedly and while Koror stayed close, they could not take it away from Steph... who looks as though she had about four rapid fire orgasms the moment she realized they had won something. Their prize was this wicked cool trip to "jelly fish lake" ... where the Jellyfish have lost their sting from life in a fresh water lake. So the kids drink a bunch of booze... eat fists full of pringles (with survivor trivia printed on them) and then ... dive in. The "swimming with the jellyfish" thing looked absolutely amazing.

Normally... the tribe will have whittled away the dead wood by now... but Koror... the winningest tribe in Survivor history, is still a team of eight people. Their dead wood is starting to rot. Janu looks like she may expire from malnutrition any moment... It doesn't pay to arrive skinny at a Survivor game.

I mean... Ibrehem and James are stunningly bad at everything they set out to do. So that leaves BJ and Steph. He's a good boy and a bit trusting... but she continues to totally rock the house. She looks stunning, she appears to be smart and man does that girl have drive. She steps together with Bj to for a "Let's go to the end together" deal - which will last till the merge... right? - and she has to lie to his face... swearing to god... that it wasn't her that voted for him the other night. He's ok with that because he thinks the handwriting looked manly... and you can just see the wheels turning in her head... "Manly? I have manly handwriting?"

This one is all about knots. They get a crate and a long rope. They have to tie the crate closed and knot it up good to make it hard to get back into. The game is played out when they bring their crates to the beach and spend twenty minutes further protecting their crate with more ropes and a lot of big sticks. Now... they have to get their sticks from out in the water, so while James plays with himself and Ibrehem stands in knee deep water picking his nose, Bj and She-ra head out and get the bundles of sticks. James was all "I was in the Navy and I can tie a killer knot." So everyone demurred to his choices on how to secure the chest. Jeff calls it and the two tribes switch places and try to be the first to open the other guys chest. Koror handily beats Ulong, and James is a big idiot. :)

Eye Candy
K... after the Immunity game... did you see Jenn jumping around? Geez, that girl is looking mighty fine. If she can just get some camera time she might just manage to get a few fan letters when this is all said and done!

The Darwin Affect
James you ignorant slut... er... oh, sorry. No seriously though... what a piece of dry tree bark. The thing with his toga on the beach was just incredible and clearly contributed to Ulongs loss in the immunity game.

Tribal Council
Jeff is in fine form, asking James what the hell he was doing, messing with his "skirt" for four minutes... and he connects with Ibrehem for standing, useless, in the water. He can see what’s coming. They vote and it's a tie... Now it seemed like She-ra and Bj's deal was to fry James on the first round but I could be wrong. When it's a tie between Ibrehem and James, BJ and She-ra put pen to paper and fry James. When Jeff reads his name... he is totally and completely shocked. What an ultra-maroooooon.

Two things...
~ So Steph, Ibrehem and Bobby-Jon on one tribe. Koror will have to "sit out" five players next time they play a game... and I seriously doubt that is going to happen. I vote for merge next week!
~ Next week it's on at 9:00... on Thursday!

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