Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

Amazing Race 7 Update!!

Bulimia, It's The New Pink.

It's all about... the Rob and Amba Dynasty. And no matter how distasteful that may be, you gotta admit they're not only stealing the money, they're stealing the show. Peckers... :D

You know (btw), over the last three seasons, it's really seemed like there is less complexity to their "race" and more time spent dealing with the personalities. The personalities, however, are limited to the very standard stereotypes while the world they are racing through is endlessly cool. My point, I guess, is that the show is more fun when they put more into the locations and the challenges... Just my two cents.

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka “The show mechanics!")
Wake up in Santiago and get the heck out of Chili!
~ get a car and make your way to some obscure bridge in the Andes mountains.
~ given that you actually did that, instead of... um, maybe driving to the coast, it's Detour time. Paddle with a crew down a rushing river that takes you where you want to go if you just sit there and pick your nose, or Peddle a fragile mountain bike for seven miles along an old railway track (or carry your broken punk ass bewitched bike along an old railway track).
~ drive to the Roadblock... and push four pounds of cow ... guts ... into your unhappy pie hole... or, apparently, not. You can always say no, and take the penalty.
~ go to the pit-stop!

The Good
The Stoners continue to be good entertainment... and even good sports. Bianca The White Witch, casts a spell from the coast of Argentina to cause flat tires among her rivals and Greg ends up carrying his bike through most of the Detour.

The detour gives us more positive energy when the flamers paddle faster than Rob and The Hitch... passing them and heading for a "beats Rob and Amber" finish!!

When faced with the incredible circumstance of having to eat the equivalent of a mid sized dog worth of cow guts, all bar-b-q'ed to gritty perfection, Rob decides to just fuck it and quit. It's a four hour penalty from the moment the next team arrives... so he decides that all he needs to bank on is any one else quitting. Well, Deana gets tagged for the impossible eat (it's a Roadblock) and there is no possible chance that she can get Rex in her gut... so she quits. Meredith, who prol'y lost his colon fifteen years ago, quits as well. Rob is fricking golden. And you gotta admit that this was total genius.

The Bad
Out of the blue... we get a few video seconds of POW Ron slagg'en on his Sash Wearing date... stuff about how he sees there relationship and crap... Ron... shut up. Nobody cares.

The girls... Bianca and Debbie... for whom I had such very high regard, especially after then had the smarts to go back to the hotel and get a map and directions... totally screw themselves by driving two hours in the wrong direction. I mean... come on!!

The whole eating four pounds of meat thing was rrrrrreally sickening. Not gross, in the eating-raw-eyeballs way, but "sick making"!! Lynn (to Alex)... "Just barf ... it'll make more room." Alex, having never had so much meat in his mouth before - despite his best efforts - manages to finish the BBQ, but lays in a good barf fest en route. Pat gets a second look at the cooked cow guts too, but it's Debbie... tall thin Debbie... that frick'en finishes like it's a salad. Notably, it's Uchenyaneminachuminahumina that finishes first. He prol'y wanted seconds.

The Ugly
Ever notice how Gretchen always looks like she's just about to shit her pants? Like, as soon as the little red light goes off on the camera she's saying "ok, can I go now? I got a turtle head poking out..." She drives me nuts...

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Ok... who else cursed Rob as he took off in the girls cab? Or laughed when you realized Pat and his dip-stick for a mom were still driving around town at daylight looking for the highway? (ps. I totally think Pat abuses the shit out of his mom in real life...)

Amber, paddling in the Detour, comments on her need to - wait for it... - lose weight, so she can fit in her wedding dress. K... now really, did half the viewing audience tell her to fuck right off at that point of what? Oh you're a real porker there Amba, or as Rob says “get your rib out of my eye!”.

I swear... that idiot dude Ray and his chick...are frick'en clones of Jonathan and Victoria.

The Losers
Darling Bianca and Debbie Does Directions miss that turn and pretty well assure themselves a last place finish, despite her wishing for "flat tires" for the others. They drive for two hours... and reach the coast... er... the clue talks about a bridge in THE MOUNTAINS. They race back into the game... and catch up with the "serving their penalty" players at the BBQ and despite actually packing four pounds of cow guts into her little self... they still come in last. I was soooo hoping for a non-elimination round.

The Winners…
Holy crap were those a pair of happy homo's or what? They paddle past Team Ramba and thanks to Uchenyamonichipawadigbee getting lost immediately after his impressive finish in the BBQ, Alex and Lynn pull in to the pit stop in first place.

I'm hoping for the stoners to win the big money... but that'll only happen if somebody murders Rob and Amber!!!

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