Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor X Update!!


Survivor X : Palau


Geez, That Pear Can Fight!




Wherein... we are treated to the, sadly, unforgettable image of James, sitting on a toilet seat. But that's ok... because a Homo-sexual kicks the shit out of him later. :)



Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
The losers at camp loser sit around and bitch about being losers. This they find immensely more fun than picking a team leader for the upcoming reward game. Meanwhile, at Camp Brainiac, they've picked a leader and broken their vast numbers into the workers and the pains-in-the-ass. Caryn bitches about everything and Coby acts like a big, puffy, pear shaped whiner - with strangely black facial growth. They just need to actually lose an immunity game and they'll be able to get rid of one of them!! The teams are given tools and supplies and told to build a pooper. The best bathroom will earn ya a "kick ass" (Jeff quote!) shelter built by some of Jeff’s slaves. James leads Team Loser to another loss as Koror wows the toilet judge with their backyard pooper. We have to watch a drunk Caryn laugh like a sick mountain goat as they party it up in their new digs and you can hear a pin drop as James and his band of Losers sit in the dark... Pretty tame stuff, but now its immunity time and, apparently, Jeff needs his sadistic fix. The teams face off in one on one pillow fights that translate into some hard ass beatings. Tom's bleeding from a forehead wound after round one. Kim literally runs off the fight platform and Angie soundly drubs Caryn. Then Stephanie kicks the living crap out of Jen but in the end it's a tie game with James versus Coby fighting the deciding round. Lon Chaney Jr. puts the potato-still operator in the lagoon sealing Ulongs fate. They putz around at camp loser, and fuzz out Bobby-Jon's butt crack while the girls make like there's some chance they'll band together in a girl power thing... which is total crap. Jeff plays it out a while... Letting James act the homophobic trailer dweller and he even asks Kim "what do you do at camp?". There's no escape for her. It's Wanda Time for Kim.

Most Memorable Moment
The whole immunity game!!!!!!
Now that is pure gladiator style entertainment. Stephanie rocks the fucking house... and you know it. Tom, kicking Bobby-Jon's ass ... twice, was definitely raising voices in Fire-halls throughout the land.

A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
James: "I'm gonna stomp anybody that lags!!!" Well... let's see, James lags in the reward challenge... then loses in the immunity game... Sure looks to me like James needs to take himself out back behind the latrine and beat a little sense into himself.
Of course, he goes on to say "I don't brush ma teeth, cuz I'm a redneck..." so maybe all those beat'ens Uncle Hubbie gave him as a young’en left a little permanent mental scar tissue.

"I'm so weak...I'm dizzy!" and...
"It sucks to be on a team with people that want to work hard all the time..." Ok... so imagine, Kim was a Miss Ohio, she learned Arabic so she could understand middle east news reports and she works as a brain contractor for the Department Defense. Just goes to show ya... even really smarty pants people can be worthless pieces of crap when the chips are down.

And the big winner quote: "It feels terrible to have my butt whooped by a homo-sexual!"... because, clearly there are other things James would rather have a homosexual do to his butt.

Reward
The Home Depot edition...
It's all about building a bathroom with pooper and a shower. They get tools and supplies to work with and then some Joe from Jeff's crew comes out to judge it and the winning team gets the rest of the crew out to build 'em a "kick ass" shelter. James, handed a staple gun by Angie as she says "It's jammed", turns the gun directly towards his face, and stares down the barrel as he PULLS THE TRIGGER. Let that one moment guide you... Team Loser has no chance. The three people that actually work on Ulong build a good bathroom but Koror had, like, nine people working on theirs and they do a whole song and dance to show it to the judge. The best part was the camera panning Ulong, sitting silently in the dark, as James says "I guess we lost...", meanwhile Koror is all drunk on bubbly, chill'en in their new shelter.

Koror
They're still all there. All nine of 'em. That's a lot of people... a lot of personalities. They're already polarizing into the whiners and the strong. Caryn and Coby can just go drown themselves any time. Ian gets a leadership nod from Tom and the two of them work the crowd like pros.

Ulong
Dude... can you just see Stephanie sitting as a the last member of Ulong, alone at camp, poking the fire... hahaha... If Unlong continues to suck cocks in hell, they'll have to have the merge early! It's clearly Stephanie and a bunch of wankers. Bobby-Jon is good mojo but he suffers from too much in-bred testosterone. It's all Steph.

Immunity
Hard pillows with two handles and a wrestling platform over the water. Then it's all boy on boy and girl on girl action. Get a point for knocking your opponent into the water using the pillow. Well that's all well and good, but you should see these guys go at it. Stephanie just about kills Jen and Toms bleeding from a head wound! Angie attacks Caryn and James gets honked by Coby... twice. haha... Of course Ulong loses.

Resident Evil
Okay, that Caryn chick is possessed. She's like a crack fiend that's run dry man. Somebody shut her up... and what the heck did you let her consume alcohol for???

The Darwin Affect
Guys... putting a "for a good time call" message about Jeff Probst in your bathroom... was really kinda stupid don't ya think? Oh and that "James looking at the jammed staple gun" thing... Darwinism at it's best.

Tribal Council aka "under the guns"
Yeah, so Jeff just hands them ropes... James and his homophuque-up. Kim and her inability to actually do anything... and Bobby-Jon talk'en "girls are more stronger than men" (and they get the more better blues badder too - d'uh) Jeff has lost all respect for these guys and he's just watch'en them fall away. For the most part, they all vote to get rid of Kim... and she goes. How did she ever manage to earn herself a title as miss Ohio?

Two things...
~ I've decided on Stephanie... she's gonna win.
~ Next week; Team Loser gets lost on the way back from tossing Kim... hahaha (Oh, and Survivor is on Wednesday next week!!!)



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