Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor X Update!!


Survivor X : Palau


This Aint Yo Mama's Survivor!




Wherein... it is revealed that Jeff is, in fact, dramatically more sadistic than any of us had previously dared to believe! The Reward Challenge like no other! The rocket scientists on Team Menza go shark hunting with pointed sticks... (omfg!) while the kids at Camp Yawn-fest lay around all day looking at Angie’s mostly naked body.



Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
Ulong, which is Palau-ese for Lazy Bastards, kicks back to diss on Dom Jeff for calling out Kim and Jeff... Angie’s mostly naked self at Ulong is only out-done by Coby over at Koror, who not surprisingly, looks like a big white latex butt plug walking his pear shaped self around in his wee tiny black skivvies. Koror enjoys a little drama as Caryn scrapes a few years off her arteries blowing a shit attack on Katie, who then... laughs in her face. Then it's Reward time and for the privilege of taking a giant sewing kit back to camp the kids are basically set upon one another in vicious, mortal combat. The young guns win, thanks to Angie, aka Xena Painted Warrior Princess embracing her killer-within. Now Ulong can lay around doing nothing with a cool sewing kit to keep them company. Koror, on the other hand, risks their collective lives to get some snacks to feed the local shark community. They tried to feed themselves to the sharks but the sharks were too smart for that. Idiot Lover Boy, Jeffy, gets up to pee in the night and sprains his ankle thus dooming Ulong to rely on Kim for ... anything. The Immunity Monkey is waiting for Tom to lead his brainiacs to another victory over the Dumb-Dumbs in a physically draining challenge. Jeffy and his unhappy ankle ask for release and despite a considered effort to force him to stay via chucking Miss Useless (Kim) he ends up hobbling along loser-lane to see where the other losers have bound and gagged Wanda.

Most Memorable Moment
Ok, so the moooost memorable moment for me was right after the reward challenge the camera panned Koror... and there was Janu... looking like she’s realizing the flash of light she just saw was her life passing before her eyes. She was not a happy camper. Not even a little teeny tiny bit.

A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
"They'll be all sucking face..." Well gee James, is that a problem for you? Are you a little jaded? Women shoot you down James? James? Do you like Gladiators?

Tom: "... we see a shark here? Everybody runs into the water with sticks in their hands." So, I'm picturing Gregg, with a shark swallowing his arm up to his arm pit, running around the beach screaming...

Reward
Jeff stands by this series of gothic levers. When he pulls one, a life-ring is released from an underwater trap and it pops up 100 ft out in the lagoon. The combatants must have a part of their body touching that life ring and any other part of their body touching their teams marker-buoy to get a point. Three points? you win. So it's one thing to go out and get the ring... it's another to get it close to your marker. See... the rules go like this... (Jeff) "You can not hit or otherwise try to hurt your opponent, but everything else is fine... including dunking." So they pit two guys against one another and then two girls and then two boy/girl teams against one another. This was absolutely the most vicious challenge ever in ten seasons of the show. In the two on two game, we watch as the boys head out to retrieve the ring, and when they start to come back... fending one another off, Angie steps in behind Janu and sinks her. She puts Janu on the bottom and moves on to Greg, who is trying to take the ring away from Bobby-Jon. She sinks him too and it's not pretty. They are dragging one another across the sea floor, in neck deep water with Xena destroying the enemy. Ulong wins... Janu looks like she is now very afraid of Xena.

Koror
These guys have to watch Butt Plug walking around all day. Those poor bastards. They have no shelter to speak of, and it rains, like six times a day out here. D'oh... They hunt down some killer snakes (banded?) and chop them up... then start trying to attract a SHARK with the bits. They are acting like they have a chance of killing a shark with these pointed sticks they carry around like laser-blasting-scepters. I think they are crazy people...

Ulong
Bobby-Jon... holding the "adorable puppy" title, is the only person in camp that has any concept of doing a scrap of work. Ibrehem needs a window to stand modeling shirts in, and Kim needs to be hooked up to a fifty amp circuit. Note, however, that Steph is the definite She-Ra character. The force is strong in this one.

Immunity
So Jeffy the laser hair removal spokesman love god twists his ankle and punks out. The game is this complicated deal... walk circles around this marked course in the lagoon... shallow to deeper and back again. Two teams of walkers each carrying a back pack with 20 lbs of sand in it. Each team starts at opposite points of the circle and they're off... chasing one another. First team to catch up and touch the other team wins. When someone gets tired, they have to give their 20 lbs to someone on their team that's still walking. So the dead weight gives out quick and the then the tough start to fall away and your left with Steph, Bobby-Jon and Ibrehem pursued by Ian and Tom. These guys are all carrying vast weights of sand and slogging through thigh deep water. Koror wins... but the stand out element was Steph going the distance on Ulong.

Weirdness
Half way through the Immunity game... we see Willard doing some therapy session on a distraught looking Coby, who is floating on his back in ankle deep water.

The Darwin Affect
You cannot kill a shark by throwing a three foot long, mildly pointy, stick at it when it's swimming by in three feet of water. Period.

Tribal Council
Jeffy the wounded wanker blathers on for a bit but Jeff is all "What's your point?" at him and things settle down while he gives Kim enough rope to choke herself for a while. Sadly, she can't hang herself because Jeff’s ankle is probably really fucked and they knew he wanted to go. (of course, they shouldn't have let him!!!! Fuck that! Force him to stay and suffer and work. Anything is better than Kim!)

Two things...
~ Next week... Jeff will go off on Ulong. :) (weeee!)
~ if this episode is any indication of the caliber of the rest of this season, ... this is going to be fun.



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  • shiver

    You know that shiver you get through your shoulder blades and down your back when you feel cold. Maybe you’ve just left the restaurant and you’re…

  • selfie

    as I read and read and read about "Selfies"... I quietly say to myself... "um... yeah, tell me again how selfies are a new thing." lol. :)

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    Hiya. :) Today was one of those “oh look… LJ is still there” days. Oh how I miss the old days when LJ was pretty much a playground filled with my…