Amazing Race 7 Update!!
Ready, Set, Go... Open Your Trunk!
It's all about... try'en not to spend the whole show yelling obscenities at Boston Knob! It's a green light as Phil stands his skinny ass self up in front of twenty two able bodied racers... er... twenty and the old guys, and yells go! It's a big fest of stereotypes and we get to watch them suffer.
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
(aka "The show, in as few words as possible!")
First things first... Knob and Amba start in last place because he can't open the trunk of his car (HA!). Everybody else is off and drive'en to LAX. It's a vast sea of flights, bus rides, bike rides and cab rides as they take Peru by storm and bop all over the place getting pissed off that they can't speak Spanish. It's such a large group of people at the beginning that the game is more about the racers feeling each other out as opposed to besting one another in some strange challenge. In the end, they surprise us by rewarding first place with a 10K cash bonus for each racer... and the veronicas... Debbie and Bianca snag that, along with an instant reputation for ... being nasty. The guys that totally redefined the concept of being complete goobers flail around in the game, and ultimately lose because their fat ass's were weighing down the cab so the other teams could pass ‘em.
A time warped ‘punquin-esque' woman and her silk-panty of a son-slash-daughter (Sue & Pat... Paaaaaaaat!) are camera friendly as they giggle and smile through the first half of the game. The Detour is a choice between moving a couple of Lamas or moving a couple of big honking baskets of alfalfa. These two move the lamas... and guess what? Lamas spit great gobs of snot all over you when you piss ‘em off. Ahhh gross! They took it well and continued to be some kind of weird anime-come-live team. I can almost see a little dark swirly cloud over her head when she's thinking hard or frustrated and he definitely looks like he'd enjoy having big pointy hair and shiny pants.
The Stoners... Brian and Greg are great... I hope they don't screw up by having too much fun. These guys were like, "Sweet"... "dude!"... "sweet"... "dude"... when a screw up by some other players gave them a leg up at this "dig for a clue" sand thing with various departure times. Nobody says "whoa" quite like a stoner.
The gay guys are little fluttery clichés and, as such, will most likely provide endless entertainment.
Ray and Deana... can just go fricking jump in front of a speeding train... like right now. G'bye... go away. I got my fill of the Jonathan/Victoria ass-hole guy abusing his whiney-punk-ass of a squeeze-a-snack. It's old... and here they are again... and man does she whine.
Maybe it's just me... but when I close my eyes... I see POW Ron's head lifting out water, at night, painted black, a fake "arrow through the head" thing and lights are flashing all around...
Ok, Miss South Carolina has one of those giant, triple-jointed mouths that can probably take a closed fist... and this just happens to bug me. (lol) But Ronny... the POW who doesn't want to, you know, tell everyone, ... tells everyone (about the POW thing)... and then tells us - the camera - that Lima looks like downtown Baghdad. Be afraid...
Other than the momentary fear that his diaper would explode when he rode down the zip line, the old couple is kinda fun. She bills herself and the dangerous tiger and I'm thinking Gretchen just doesn't get out much. She does yell "Goll Darn-it!" a lot...
The Exceptionally Pathetic
Wow ... could Rob and Amber be any more unlikable? Lynn - the gay fellow that I think has a cousin named Bubbles - comments about Rob "He's a dumb as a rock." And hits that nail on the head... Sadly it's one of those rare smarty pants rocks and we get to cringe as they worm their way to a third place finish. They got some white boy, living local in Peru to help ‘em out and this made a huge diff... Meanwhile, the old guys hear Rob trying to get a bus driver to take off on them... (hahaha) and then he tells this little group of grubby, poor, disheveled, beach dwelling local kid-lettes "Don't do drugs." What a sanctimonious blot. "We want anotha million!"
I have a little suction cup gun and every time he says "holy canoly" ...
The two dumbbells from South Carolina, that seem to want to actually become the ultimate southern goober stereotype... they lost. This is good. That is all.
Ok... so there are four girls on the show... Heidi and Megan on team barbi and Debbie and Bianca on team veronica. The barbi's as dumb as fricking posts. Sad but true. They almost came in last, but at least they beat apocalypse-now dude and his hood ornament of a date. Their claim to fame so far is that they almost had a full on, serious business, car crash on the freeway heading to LAX at the get go. Megan possibly crapped her thong and they had to switch drivers.
Now, the veronicas... these two are nasty... maybe even evil. They snookered POW Ron and Kelly at one point, and ... they speak Spanish! I mean... they are on a cake walk. Oh and they're constantly kissing ... well, actually I think it's Bianca that's constantly trying to kiss Debbie - stay tuned! Personally I think there are HUGE issues to be resolved with these two, but for now... they found their way to first place and received big money prizes for their trouble.
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