Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Survivor X Update!!


Survivor X : Palau


The Balad Of Katie's Shins




Wherein...you'd swear that wannabe down syndrome comic, Jimmy Kimmel and his knuckle draggen friend were about to pop out of nowhere yelling Juggies!! Don't get me wrong... there was a whole show here, but it.. um...jiggled, mostly. The seeds of battles to come were sewn the some hard ass physical games highlight the difference between appearance and capacity.



Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
Night three and the rats attack! Koror, all well stamped with big L's on their foreheads, huddle frozen and fireless in a rat riddled camp. Meanwhile back at camp spoiled-brat the kids are leaderless and proud of it. They vote to do nothing. It's game time for fishing gear and fire... unless your dumb-ass Koror, who's fire waits at the bottom of the narrows. It's a vicious game of pain and suffering... that tortures most of Koror (a'boy, does Katie suffer!). The young guns at Ulong snag the day and Angie’s stock goes up when she dominates in the game. Of course, she goes on to spend the rest of the episode in her glory... which equals tattoos, a bra and skimpy panties. At Koror, Ian rescues fire, while the others think... or something. When night falls at camp-o-fun-o, Kim gets Jeffy to take her pulse... internally, and Ashlee's mormon reality finds her cold and apart. Next up... Immunity and it's another game of total strength and capacity and, as it turns out, this is not necessarily to be found in the shaved, crisp, rippling torsos and snap-on boobs of the Ulong. They're off to vote under the guns. They polarize along a line between thinking with brains and thinking with their sphincters and we're left with the drama of Kim versus Ashlee... but Ashlee was almost begging to go and ... she does.

Most Memorable Moment
It's a toss up...
Either Caryn then Coby... rapid fire video, slipping on the rolling barrel thing, and landing on their asses, hard.
Or Katie hitting that platform a hundred times.
Or James slamming the dock, ass first.
and yes, I know that makes me a bit of a sadist.

A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
James Hatrock: "We're 'mericans, and we're gonna do democracy!" So, now that they've fried Boss Bitch Jolanda they're free to ... stand around... wondering what to do. Score two points for democracy. This james guy... he was on Drew Carrie ... right... :D haha...

"Bobby-Jon is across, so he beats himself up as a reward..." It's always fun hearing Jeff disrespect the lab mice.

"There's no alliances forming here..." Ok, that Dom Jeff didn't projectile vomit at this pronouncement is a testament to his rock solid constitution. Clearly deficient Jeffy is allowing this tripe to pass his lips in defense of his and Kim’s recent adventures at Ken-Jens Petting Zoo.

"I wish I'd used the cold-excuse to cuddle ibrehem... he's a cutie." As the grim reality settles on Ashlee... Survivor is not, after all, a good way to get a tan, meet guys and lose weight.

Reward
Man... Ok, swing across this gully, walk across that roll'en barrel, balance across that beam and get a flag... then come back, and repeat ten times. Oh, and the bad guys are swinging big bags of sand at you as you go... Winners left alive get fishing gear and if that happens to be Ulong, they get fire too.
So, it sounds hard... because it was. While Ulong was zooming along, Katie was trying and failing to swing across the gully. Picture her holding a rope, jumping out, sliding down a bit, and swinging into the edge of the platform , knees and shins hitting first... over and over and over... Good god, her legs must be black and blue. Now see... the kids had to leap, crawl, get soaked, and then leap and crawl again. I'm certain the boys were in the game but you really hardly noticed them... unless it was James falling spectacularly against a platform, tailbone first (no way in hell that didn't hurt like mad dogs and paper cuts). All in all, it was lots of boobs and plenty of pain. American Television at it's peak. Ulong wins and Koror... thinks.

Koror
The smart guys... actually, they have good physical condition too, but if it calls for a competitive spirit... they suck. Oh, and Caryn... is a complaining wench that will fry for her sins.

Ulong
Young, dumb, and full of come... what else can you say? Oh, and Kim looks like Lynette... and a bit desperate at that.

Immunity
Again with the physical deal... Swim out to a floaty thing and watch Willard close in on heart disease. Then start diving down to pull this ridiculously heavy trunk along the lagoon silt. Forty feet later you open it and get a bunch of camp-kits with Morse code on 'em. Spell out immunity and you're golden. So you're maybe thinking the buff team has this... as did I. Then you watch Kim basically file her nails while they were dragging the lake, and chest shavers Ebree and Jeffy are pulling two second long dives. They have all the appearance but no capacity. Koror puts in their time, and Willard doesn't die... and they walk away with the ugly monkey again.

The Darwin Affect
When Jeff has the U-losers Under The Guns and gets the talk turned to Kim and Jeffy's diddle'en dilemma, idiot boy up and says "There are no alliances forming here..." and wants people to buy into his fantasy. His words and her inaction at the challenge ... no way can they survive that??? (tries not to think about Boston-Knob)

Tribal Council, aka Under The Guns
They really had us thinking there was a chance that Kim would be voted out. Stephanie and Angie were campaigning to oust Kim but Ashlee was a donkey on the edge man... she looked about ready to explode and practically sighed with relief when she was called out.

Two things...
~ Caryn and Katie... do not become prime time lesbian lovers on next weeks episode.
~ no really, Ashlee...what were you expecting here?



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