Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

The Amazing Race 6 Update!!!

Amazing Race 6 Update!!

The Madness of Hayden

It's all about... living in a world where the girl that tells the Chinese cab driver her race partner has three testicles doesn't win the big money prize. It's so unfair! :) It's all over... and the hours are ticking by.

Twenty four and counting. By forty eight you won't be able to remember any of their names... er, well I know I won't.
So quick, before I forget...
What would corto say...?

Good Afternoon Race Fans...
Two hours, four couples, one pair of undeserving sniveling xenophobic hacks slash models walking away with fists full of dollars!! It's the end of Season Six.

Waking up in one seriously strange city (Shanghi) The Menza Squad is sent by train to the old city of Xian. Hayden, beginning a short walk towards a complete mental flip out, takes the time to scare a baby on the train and the rest of us marvel at how it is that Adam is still on our television sets! Starting out with nothing besides brilliant white teeth on an extraverted, big hair, round eye, white chick in Shanghi... is starting out with rather a lot, it would appear.

Rebecca talks a 185 US dollars out of the pants of strange men and into her hot little hands. "I was thinking of moving to Shanghi and begging! It's very lucrative." Clearly the non-elimination round was no hardship on Miss Messing. Adam, however, earns the eyes-of-instant-flaming-death when, as she watches, he describes Rebecca to Kris, saying "your ‘raging bitch' is her on a good day."

Join me in wondering why she continues to suffer him to live.

It's bunch-up time at some tower for a detour. Kris and Jon's cab driver giggles the whole way over... and it never occurs to Kris what he finds so unnerving. Paint a car or search for sixteen years through this "bolt" of fabric for invisible characters. Even freaking Homer Bloody Simpson would know enough to paint the car. While last place starters, Adam and Becs, snag first place through the detour, we are awarded a moment of Hayden acting like a nut case. Then it's off to a museum of those cool-as-cakes Terra Cotta soldier statue dudes, surrounding some buried emperor, for the next clue.

Idiot boy Adam must have contracted some infection and was feverish or something... because he spat out his best idea ever when they nailed the Terra Cotta clue (in first place). It's like this big hockey rink stadium and the clue is to your right as you approach the rink. They grab their clue and hot foot it to the LEFT side of the rink to open and read it... sooooooo... when the next pair of geniuses arrive they'll be mislead. This works... completely.

The descent of Hayden into the itchy pits of mental instability is given new vigor thanks to some dip smack cab driver that drives them in the wrong direction... constantly... and it takes them FOREVER to bail on the cab and start over. I mean, Aaron was losing it, so you can just imagine Hayden all twitchy and shrill. Kris and Jon, along with Rebecca and Adam are leading the game... and then everyone heads into a Road Block. ... A road block just made for Hayden.

Here's a key, find the lock. There's lots of locks. No really... a lot of locks. Of course, Kris finds hers in a fluke. (I'm cheering) Kendra, Becca and Hayden all have to find locks. Kendra... walking funny with that horseshoe shoved up her ass... finds the next one, leaving Becs and Heyden to search ... for... hours.... Bleeding fingers... and, of course, Hayden going ape shit. She breaks off her key. She cries and whines and ultimately? Goes wack, and then gives up. Seconds after she gives up, Rebecca scores her lock. (bwaahahaha)

Hayden takes the four hour penalty (?? Cool... never heard of that before) and heads to the check point with Becs and idiot boy. Aaron was a trooper... he loses it a few times but they soooo deserve each other. He did have to watch her go completely off her nut though. That's gotta be hard. J (hahahahahaha! Suckaaaa!) They are out! Oh, and he drops on his knee and proposes to her. Phew!

So round two starts with a flight to Honolulu...

It's more cab rides to the Airport with drivers that no-speekee-english... despite all the stupid ways the racers try and add an accent to their ENGLISH words. Rebecca takes the time to abuse this with her cabby talking about Adam and his third testicle.

"Honey... Beg!" moans Freddy to Kendra. They want to exchange their tickets for an earlier flight. She pours it on... "I have to get there... I have a sick child..." She's stamping her foot and yelling... and the Chinese flight attendants are all running through the various ways to say "Bitch" in languages that Kendra will never speak. They do not get their way. (yeah!)

Hawaii is another Detour and this time Kris totally shines. It's "paddle an outrigger canoe" or pick a fabric pattern out of a hundred-million-billion shirts. But wait... was that "match a fabric?" ... "on racks of clothes?" I mean look at Kris. She shops. Period. They go for the clothes thing while everyone else goes for paddl'en. The game, however, is over for Becs and Adam by this point... they are on a later flight from one place to another. Ding. Poke them with a fork. So that leaves Freddy and Kendra chasing Kris and Jon on the last leg.

They have a Road Block tandem sky dive thing then fly to Chicago... Kris and Jon failed to double check for an earlier flight, and for their sin they fall behind the Wal-Mart Flyer model and her absolute ass hole of a main-squeeze.

They worked a race-moment in a deep-dish pizza shop into the story, ultimately providing us with the best moment of the show... Kendra laying on not one but two rather honking burps. She and Mr. "I'm Gonna Break You In Half" Freddy step onto the mat first and win the million.

Bummer eh. J

Ps. Thanks for reading!!! :D :D :D

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  • Monday, February 17, 2014

    Hiya. :) Today was one of those “oh look… LJ is still there” days. Oh how I miss the old days when LJ was pretty much a playground filled with my…

  • 49 soon...

    I do not look my age ~ except for the bald spot I do not feel my age ~ except for the time it takes to heal I do not act my age ~ unless its…

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