"I better iron a shirt!" Cheese boi.
Well, well, well. Talk about yer dashed hopes. Did anybody get the message that "boy's night out" or "girls night out" proly means the genders would be isolated? At the first clue that he would get to trade Scari for anything, we see Cheese boi diving into his best crocodile Dundee costume (what hat did he pull that out of?)
This was the week that they merged the tribes. So for those of us properly socialized by the first edition of Survivor, all expectations were framed on the idea that they'd be selecting one camp or the other. Then the Mail-Tree barks a little news at them that its boiz or girlz (depending on the camp) night out and that the OG boiz are to trek to KU-Ville while the KU-girlz traipse off to OG-land. Did you see the lovely table setting the boiz at KU had set up for the expected girl-swap? How sad is that… hahaha.
"All I saw was from Colby was TEETH!". This from the Hatchling after meeting the boiz from OG-land. Teeth and that big head of his… Cheese boi is such a hard ass. He has zero tolerance for Scari or anything that comes out of her mouth… unless its sex talk while frolicking in the surf, of course.
The kids were all on such pin's and needles… it was great to watch such intellectual giants focusing their collective wisdom on the problem of ferreting out weaknesses between the opposing tribe members. This while they artfully made nice nice feeding their guests… Lets see how that worked out: Ummm… the girls, in camp desperation (OG-land) eat Scari-Jerri patty pies - (burnt flour with a burned can of crushed tomatoes) while the boiz pound back a freshly killed, heavily spiced chicken, PopCorn Trail Mix, and various sundry delicacies. Note: Chef Pierre trying to seem useful by grabbing at the idea of "preparing" the chicken… haha... They stuck it on a stick and fried that clucker. Sorry Chef, maybe you can stand still for a really long time and then beg for safety. (more on this in a moment).
So the two teams, gender divided, receive news from the Mail-tree and the word is GO! The have, like, 15 minutes to get it all together and take it to the secret destination. Everybody was hoping and preying to land in KU-Ville. The clear winner in the race to have a nice camp - a distinction certainly afforded KU-Ville on the strength of Mr. Totally-Useless's (Nick) stone slab bench. Actually, we see the girlz talking on the beach at OG-land, and Scari 'splains "They have a kitchen, blah blah blah… and we have… we have… well nothing." Well, of course, Scari. You and your lord-of-the-flies girl scout troop have spent the last weeks brawling with each other instead of making a stone slab bench!!! At some point the camera's catch a shot of Scari with a full mouth monster smile go'en down. This girl has enough gums for three people. Wow!
They all slog it towards the map destination… the new camp. Camp Baramundi or Bare-Undies, depending on the sound quality of your TV set. The new merged group gets off the marvelous start with Farmer Joe (to quote a local paper) "copping a long cozy hug from comely young Elizabeth (Coconuts)" Why his eyes just lit right up! And within seconds of that short but none-the-less disturbing moment, we get to watch Cheese boi tense up as Scari starts pushing the new group into a crummy tent location. I think calmer heads prevailed but maybe not… If, during the next major downpour, the camp is washed out… they'll hopefully put Scari "on a stick and fry the phuquer".
Oh, and there was a crate with a instant Wine and Cheese party in it… Mr. Totally-Useless turned it into a Whine and Be-a-sour-puss party in about 6 seconds after seeing 9 other starving losers dive in for a "feeding frenzy".
Well immunity challenge times comes along… oh and it's a toughi… Go stand on a stump. Yup, that's it. Well, actually you can crouch if you really think your knees can hack it. The "stand on a stump" challenge is just pathetic. If this was me… On the stump… I'd take one look at Miss Silver Panties abs for two seconds… jump off and go sleep on the beach. Nick, Mr. Totally-Useless, knows just what I mean… but true to his rather dim-witted form, it took him a full ninety (90!!) minutes to reach that conclusion.
The Stump-Standers spirits are fine while the sun is up… in fact we get a peek into the secret home life of Coconuts when she imitates her mom beating the crap out of her for talking. She (Coconuts) is gesturing with this full-on long arm slapping motion and saying "Keep your mouth shut!!!!"
The psychotic host comes around periodically in a boat reminiscent of the dingy that sails the river stix… offering up booty to the contestant willing to jump off… And OF COURSE when chocolat sauce comes around… Scari jumps right off… Anybody else remember her fantasy segment from last week when they gave the camera close up of her licking sauce off her fingers…
After 9 phuquing hours - can you believe that!!!! - We're left with four stump-standers. Mrs. Brady (getting alarmingly skinny), Miss. Silver Panties, Coconuts (doubled over shivering and practically crying… rather emotional isn't she) and Chef Pierre. Now the Chef was basically expecting to be "fried on a stick" himself so he's not going anywhere.
So, Chef Pierre starts shamelessly beggin Mrs. Brady for a pass on the contest as soon as Silver Panties quits with Coconuts, she (Tina) - to her great strategic credit - gives the challenge and the immunity necklace to Chef Pierre.
Now all the players find themselves at the council meeting beside the cliffs of despair…. It ends up an Us against Them vote pitting Cheese Boi against the Hatchling. Deadlock votes again… and we fall back to who had votes against them from past councils… and Jeff Varner (Hatchling) - who Debb voted for in Round One - looses… Thankfully because the image of him ramming his whole fricking hand into the peanut butter jar during the immunity challenge and licking it off was enough to totally gross me green!!.
pssst! Did anybody see the little grin escape Cheese Boi when he realized that the Hatchling had been tossed?
This is His Theme Song.