Amazing Race 6 Update!!
Tuk Tuk Time
It's all about... realizing that physical stature really plays against you in this game... although not quite as much as being a dumbass! The million dollars is going to be won and lost on the strength of dumb mistakes. Oh, and obviously, there are no traffic laws in Sri Lanka.
WWBS... what would Bolo say?
Good Afternoon Race Fans...
Hullow... it's me Bolo and yeah, I'm gonna give you a rundown of this episode. It totally sucks... but that's because I've seen the rushes on what I look like running around a race track in Ethiopia... The people here are surprisingly tall... have you noticed? Ok, so anyways... we're on our way to the Airport. It's one of two charters to the capital, then it’s a cab ride to a track meet!! This is no problem because both Lori and I know how to speak international-cab-driver... you just say "veddy fas... veddy fas..." in any accent you like and they seem to get the idea. Her Highness and I are up front and it’s a physical competition… so we’re going to rock. The first big deal is running a four lap, four person relay race around a track... they called it a 4-by-4 but I think they have that wrong... because everybody knows that's wood. What's her name... Aaron? or Hairpin... I can never remember which one is which... she's like this track super star so she did well, and watching Rebecca laugh at the man-girl... um... Adam, while he raced... that was fun. Oh oh... and Ms. Perfect... Kendra... had dried barf on her chin. She ate something that hated her as much as Lori and I do.
So, I'm really buff right? Like I'm basically "the hulk" except I'm... white... The truth is, actually, that I have furry feet and I am, in fact, a hobbit. You could tell when I was running around the track. After the race we had to cab it back to town and hop a train to Galle. You know... they don't have any traffic related rules here... when you say "veddy fas... veddy fas..." to the guys driving the little "Tuk Tuk" cabs... and they go mental.
Ethiopia is not yer average rich country right... like, a 1-800 number would not be out of place scrolling past ... everything... but Freddie thinks their train is ugly. He's really a bit of a tool... I hope he pisses Lori off soon so she can beat his face! Adam and Beccs didn't make the train to Galle... but there's a big ass bunch up down the road so it's no biggie. Man-girl had a poof attack in the train station after he realized they missed the train. He was telling Beccs that he wanted to leave... so she razed the shit out of him on national television ... gee, I wish I saw that.
So next up is the Detour and it's this Tree Trunk versus Elephant Trunk thing. Being a complete idiot, incapable of learning from my mistakes, I go for the Tree thing... large people do not climb well. We have to climb a tree with steps and cross a rope bridge thing... with a harness on... to get this bottle of crap they make hooch out of around here. She-Ra goes first and complains the whole time... but not, mind you, as much as that Aaron chick... holy crap, I think she pissed herself. She was all "sage advice" after her climb... "The only way to do it... is to do it... you know?" She's really smart... right? Kendra, her barf stains, and that idiot boyfriend of hers, Freddy, do the elephant thing... which is a slow elephant polo thing. Kinda mindless... so I guess I understand why they did it. The rest of us go for the climb... Oh, and that Chris and Jon, they're like monkeys or something... attractive pop star like monkeys. They climbed... veddy fas.
So the booze dude gives us a clue sending us to a place called Kandy... and we have to do this "buy some rice and give it to the monk" thing that just seems so genuinely religious and sincere... Except the rice bowl selling guy is not open till 8:30... so we all hang around and ... bunch up. The cool thing is that, afterwards, we all take off together in these cool little cab "Tuk Tuk" things... tricked out motorcycles with twin seats in the back and an air raid siren on the roof... which they need... because they drive like fricken maniacs.
Yeah, so our goal is to go to Lion Rock... this thing with a thousand stairs. It's a Road Block... and because my legs are about 3 inches long, we agreed that Lori would go, to capitalize on her 5 inch long legs... and I'd sit down here with Kendra and Kris. Any ways... see... Freddy comes back and gets his "ticket" - something you need about half way up - because he forgot it. Well, ... I... um... ok, so I have Lori's ticket still... oh fuck, is she gonna be pissed. Now Kendra and Kris are laughing ... which is really not helping... dum di dum... I think Kris understands... she gave me a 'dead man walking' hug.
Frick'en everyone comes back down... and then Lori. K, and do you realize how scary she is when she's really mad, right? Well, we found our way to the pit stop... which, strangely, included this "dive in and swim the length of a pool" thing before you stand in front of Phil. I mean... why would Phil want to greet Kendra, Kris, Hayden and Lori... as they... emerge... from a swimming pool... in their street clothes... um... Oh! ... Yeah. ok, cool.
er... we lost. We're toast and Lori is gonna frigg'en kill me.
*Did you see the moment, when Bolo was waiting for She-Ra to arrive and remove his testicles... he's sitting there... scratching his chin... and the camera switches to a monkey in a tree... sitting there scratching hit's chin? hahaha... It was priceless!!
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