Amazing Race 6
Talk'en To Huey
Start yer engines... because they finally wrap up the episode that left us with Lori and Bilbo cooling their jets on a bench. Oh, and strap on a bib, because the kids are chat'ten on the porcelain phone baby. Whatever else happened on tonight's show, it pales in comparison to the festival of vomit at the Road Block. Jonathan continues to be the worlds largest horse's ass, and pretty boy Freddy... engaged model, takes a wee bump on the money maker and like a porn star facing Lorena Bobbit... he throws a panic induced shit fit. Of course, everyone else is like "yeah, get bent...." and we all laugh and laugh.
Good Afternoon Race Fans....
(a brief look at the show's mechanics!)
When last we saw our intrepid travelers, they were heading into the Net Café to get a clue... except Lori and Bilbo who were crashing on a train station bench, having missed the last train;
~ Get your ass to Budapest (Lori and Dildo...). So instead of falling asleep till morning they check out another train depot!! Bingo, they get to the Net Café before 3:00 am.
~ Let AOL continue to try and get noticed, and grab a clue leading to a toy train at a museum, which opens at 10:00 am... so it's bunch up time.
~ Fast Forward, if you can find it... and drink a little blood.
~ Clue it to Nemzeti to find a detour.
~ Detour; Swim – put a goofy jock strap on your head and score against what appears to be a quadriplegic "professional water polo goalie" or Paddle across the Danube in a raft you inflate yourself. Dude... you'd have to be fat and really really stupid to go for the paddle thing. Oh... wait... Gus and Hera do it... Everybody else swims...
~ Clue to a wine cellar... and have a little soup. (bwaahahahahahahaa)
~ The Soup is a Road Block and it's basically liquid paprika...
~ boogie up a vertical trolley (funicular – and theirs one of those at Niagara Falls... btw) and rush to the Pit Stop.
Bilbo... the guy that Darwin spent sooooo much time hunting for... gets the clue that maybe there's more than one train ride into Budapest, finds another train so he and Lori get to the net café for their clue in the wee hours. Everybody else got there hours earlier and went to hotels to crash. Bilbo and Lori (who is looking mightily run down) head straight to the Heritage Train Museum and sit by the gate. Um... can you say "first place". J
All the jokers bolt when the gate opens and with the goal of grabbing a number from a pedestal to establish an order for riding the toy train, they all GO MENTAL and destroy the pedestal and the numbers go flying. Bilbo gets number 1 so he and Lori go from crying on a bench in the rain... to first place. This gets them to the next clue box and they grab a "Fast Forward". Idiots that they are, they get lost in a cab ride to the location of the Fast Forward game... which, it turns out, is simply to find this weird ass location and drink a snifter full of blood. One might have thought this gruesome. Oh contraire... Lori and her Dildo are just so tired and burned that they chug the blood like it was oj.
Freddy and Kendra. I could just leave it at that... but screw that... it's more fun to elaborate. What a couple of tools. At the Train Museum Gate, Gus grabs the gate to stop it from banging up and down, with the ultimate effect of causing the gate to come back down on the racers. This WHACKS his daughter ... hard... and bonks Freddy. Gus, seeing that nobody realizes he did this, says... nothing. Hera sucks it up... and Freddy? he goes apoplectic. Fucking model worrying about a scratch on his booty-ful face. He makes a total jack-o of himself yelling that he will "break whoever did this in half!!" I'm surprised he hasn't realized yet that in the end, Kendra will scratch his eyes out over some dumb ass thing. His stock plummeted tonight. Just say'en.
Adam... who still "... has a lot of love for her" needs desperately to get-a-clue. Rebecca a) dislikes him... and b) Idiot... you're gay – or are those little knots of hair on your forehead restricting brain activity? Let me repeat... You are a gay man... not that there is anything wrong with that... and Fun Bobby Rebecca is clearly not your type.
Jonathan you remarkable smack-monkey!!! Gah... I just cannot believe how horrible he is. The other racers are ridiculing him now... obviously sickened by his constant abuse of Victoria...
(oh... and VICTORIA... [:: dig this... :: ] - warning NOT WORK SAFE (bwahahahaha)
The guy is berating her as she has bawls, pukes and suffers through eating the bowl of liquid fire... I just wanted to reach through the screen and clock him. "Don't be crying when we get to the pit stop again..." says he... and you know he was thinking "because Phil is going get some of the roadies to kick the crap out of me..." .
The Unbelievably Pathetic
I'm sure there's lots of other stuff that happened tonight... but I lost most of it when they sat down to do the Road Block.. Oh my god... I was in freak'en pain, lying on the floor howling in laughter.
The deal is to eat a 24 oz bowl of Hungarian soup... which means... "soup with lots of paprika". Idiot boy Jonathan gets Queeny Vic to do it. She delicately begins slurping from the little spoon they give you to use. He, of course, immediately begins harassing her about eating faster.
Meanwhile, Jon, Aaron and Freddy and Rebecca join the game to chow. Note that Rebecca hauls ass and shoves 24 ozs of pure heat directly down her throat – and personally... this speaks volumes. :D
Gus and Hera are miles behind... so fuck them. The fun is here... and now. Victoria, under the stain of Jonathans constant verbal attack... and her effort to squeeze 24 oz into her 8 oz tummy inevitably leads to her BARFING. She starts with Jon's bowl... Jon and Kris were in and out first. Ok, so picture this...
~ Jon yelling at Vic
~ Vic trying to spoon the food in...
~ Vic gagging then BARFING HARD into a bowl on the table...
~ Aaron, reacting to her retching and the stink of it... BARFS TOO... except he just shoots his on the floor.
~ Freddy can't stand it... he pukes too... except INTO HIS OWN BOWL and has to... you guessed it... EAT IT. When this becomes apparent to dim wit Kendra... she begins to retch in sympathy.
~ meanwhile the band plays on... an annoying four piece ensemble that belts out some horrific steeped in heritage tune.
~ cry, barf, yell, barf, retch, yell, cry... repeat!
OH MY GOD.... It was right the fuck out of Animal House. Horrific. Awesome... but horrific.
Hera and Gus sew up their loss when they elect to pump up a boat and paddle it across the Danube instead of jumping in a pool and throwing a ball. Idiots. Oh, and Gus... sitting in the now vacant BARF HOUSE, powers back the bowl of soup like he was working fries at McDonalds.
These two are dead last... they cry and are all about "we're closer as Father and Daughter" – which I can totally dig. Go you guys. However, nothing will make me forgive the "washing his pits with snow in Iceland, and his big nasty gut in the cab ride." Good riddance Gus.
Hey hey hey...
... Checkered Flags & Crystal Balls
Tonight was Lori and Bilbo's turn to come in first... they win a trip but more importantly... SHE BITES PHIL. Shit man... he had to wipe the spit off his neck. In her excitement about being in first place... she kinda jumped at him and BIT HIS NECK. Hahahahaha...
These two dorkmiesters are going to win ... I just know it. :D Even if he has not idea what the words "Optimist" and "Pessimist" actually mean.
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