Survivor IX : Vanuatu
Wherein… Twila gets the people operating the "bleep" button working overtime, and everybody starts tugging on one another’s very-last-nerves. It's end-game time and the last alliances are falling away. I cannot believe who is making up the last players, considering who we started out with. blech!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
Twila, the current "shhhhh she's coming" girl, earns this with crack head freak out, bitching Gollum and Julie out. Julie, meanwhile goes on the win a mondo cool Reward by being exceptionally competitive and gets to take a friend... Clearly not Twila. Chris and Bum-Bum-Girl get to give a volcano a rim job. It's too much fun frustrating Eliza so Twila and the old coot get their jollies while Chris wanders around saying "I promise... you're safe" to everyone and everything he encounters. The legend of Roy Matta gets 'em all rushing around for Immunity but gollum-with-a-boob-job gets this one leaving the quest for death between Julie and Twila. Eliza is absolutely sure Twila is going home... and Chris continues to cream himself over his good fortune. He casts the final blow, and Julie is off to be the Jury.
Most Memorable Moment
Julie and Chris, sitting in lawn chairs on the edge of an erupting volcano and getting to watch this for a while... was really quite something. It will most likely be, for me, the enduring image attached to any memory I have of this show.
A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
"They're all women! How do you trust any of them?" Chris, utterly baffled by his continued presence in Camp Labia, is quite done with any attempt to figure out what the hell is going on with the women.
"We're running out of ideas for contests, so we're going to rerun a bunch." This is a composite of Crawl-in-the-mud, catch-a-pig, balance, and shoot-sling-shots-at-plates. What was going on in Scout's head? "of for fucks sake, not again..." Julie dominates this game and looks pretty good covered in mud. The prize is a car trip, food and booze, and a hike up Mount Yassur - aka, active volcano. And, of course, she gets to "bring a friend". She picks Chris hoping to curry favour. "Joe" is this guy speaking english yet gets subtitled, and he is their guide up Yassur. They stop at this camp to have "volcano vent hot dogs" and beer - because you should have at least some blood-alcohol levels if you're planning on walking around the edge of a volcano. The trip was breathtaking. Walking from dense forest to ash and a burnt landscape... then sitting and watching endless lava explosions from the mouth of the volcano. Dude... that is so cool. And Julie needed to do a whoooooooole lot more than laugh at Chris's inability to ride a horse if she wanted to change his vote from her to ... any one else. I mean, this is the girl that had her naked squeeze-a-snack ass out to torture Sarge into the full-stupids, so I was thinking maybe she'd pull out all the stops. But alas...
Jeff tells them a local legend and then they run around to these mini puzzle / question booths regarding the legend. First to the end wins... and that was Eliza. And geez, are these people ever freaking stupid! The number of times they showed people leaving the puzzles put-together (hence speeding up things for the person that comes next) was scary. Note: Eliza is a bag of bones and two bags of saline and a lipless grin... seriously... she's gonna flip out when she sees this.
So Twila, who was sitting so pretty as the come back kid, delivers "... mother fucker, go to hell" to Eliza and so begins the shit storm that is their relationship. And then, Twila and Scout dissing Gollum to it's face over some food thing - granted, Eliza was being a complete prat, but still, Twila's sorta morphed into Angry Bumpkin Woman.
The Darwin Affect
See, I think Chris has fucked himself with the hard lies to both girl-teams. His "promises" to both teams will guarantee a great deal of dislike for him on the jury. Tonight he has to choose between Julie and Twila. He tells each that they are tooootaly safe from his swing vote. Then he fries Julie. There is no way in hell the make up of the jury would not vote for Julie if she were up against any of who was left. So Chris did the right thing... but it's going to be a jury of women he has lied to, if he makes it to the end.
After getting Angry Bumpkin Woman to mouth off a little more, Jeff asks Gollum is she wants to give away the Immunity necklace... and Scout is all "come on, give it to Twila". Two against Twila, two against Julie, and Chris... makes three for Julie and she's gone.
~I can't believe how much smack these people talk about each other in their one on ones with the cameras... They're going to see this stuff.
~ So the finale is this sunday night... a painful three hours. Twila, Chris, Scout, and Eliza. They'll try and fry Eliza quick and she'll be a vindictive bitch on the jury. Nobody on the jury will vote for Scout, so Christ and Twila should both WANT to get to the final two with her. But they wont see it that way and they will toss Scout leaving the vote between Chris and Twila. Twila will win.
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