Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

Amazing Race 6 Update!

Amazing Race 6 Update!!

It's all about... how long it's going to take for someone to grab Jonathan by the throat and choke the shit out of him.  Everybody goes to Sweden and all of them suffer.  Sadly, Jonathan and his whipping post, Victoria, do not suffer nearly enough.

Good Afternoon Race fans...
(aka “The show's mechanics...!")
After accounting for the old bastards stealing a car last week - they got a 30 minute penalty and left in a different order - they all wake up in Norway;
~ get up and go... drive to back to Vos
~ take a train and a bus to get to Stockholm 
~ find the Ice Bar and slide an ice cube down the bar
~ clue it to the world’s biggest IKEA store
~ Detour: count a vat of little tiny stuffed bears and bundles of kitchen pots (aka “go insane) or put together an IKEA desk - with a hutch no less. 
~ tandem bike races to a Road Block.
~ one player unrolls huge hay bales to find a clue. (a handful of clues, fields of hay bales)
~ bike it back to train, and zoom to the pit stop

The Good
The "Slide and ice cube shot glass down an ice bar to a small target" game was great... it screwed everything up.  Dumb luck rescues the worlds biggest idiots (Gus and Hera) after they get lost walking ... a couple of blocks.  Luck shuffles the order of the players completely and they head off for the Road Block in a new marching order... But a fat lot of good that does anyone as they bunch up again waiting for IKEA to open. 
Kris and Jon, the quiet underdog team of Peter and Paula Plastic types did great this round by doing their best to not be idiots.

The Bad
So from what they were showing us, it sure looked like the players were really suffering like good little reality TV show kids.  Sleeping in the parking lot at the train station, and then sleeping in another parking lot outside IKEA? 
When they hit that Road Block... some of them actually elected to count! There were 2304 parts to count and I mean... you have Bilbo counting out loud "66, 68, 80" and the blonde IKEA girl smiling.  If they make any small mistake at the outset of counting ... they are screwed. I think two teams found the number but not until they went snakey trying to get it.  The alternative was putting together a fricking desk... like, how hard is that? It's IKEA for gods sake...
I mean, when Bilbo started taking from SheRa's "counted" pile and counting them for his "counted pile" I thought she was going to castrate him.  And he (Huge Guy) had to keep giving his guess to this little blond woman and she'd have to say "sorry, that is incorrect" and he would FREAK out. hahaha...  They and the old’sters ultimately cave on counting and do the desk.

The Ugly
The old guys, Gus and Mary Jean... man I thought he was going to have a coronary incident trying to count those freaking little bears... they must have had a medical team on standby.  I honestly thought it was kinda yuck to watch this old guy just about kill himself.
And I have to ask ... when they were in IKEA, what is with the oldsters telling Jon and Victoria where the clue is?

The Exceptionally Pathetic
Jon and Victoria are really very seriously dysfunctional. The two of them screaming at each other in the back of cabs or on the street... it's just horrible. They must never be allowed to procreate.  I want to rant about how awful he is to her... but you have to admit... she is freaking shrill.  If she had any self respect left (and after any amount of time with him, that's doubtful) she'd be able to tell him to screw himself, but she doesn’t so she just yells and gets frustrated. 

The Losers
The Detour was evil... for Lena. "One player" goes out into this field and unravels a big ass rolled bale of hay looking for a concealed clue.  Kristy and Lena were like the second team to the Road Block and they never left.  Everybody else came and went while Lena unrolled literally dozens and dozens of hay bales.  Phil actually shows up in the field (after 8 hours of labour on her part) to let her off... he tells her that it is in fact an elimination round (so there is no point in finishing) and the two good looking girls are toast.  The editing really had me feeling sorry for them...

The Winners…
Hayden and Aaron win again but I'm not sure why Kris and Jon let them go onto the mat first... they were running side by side towards the mat. They must have had some deal… but isn't that the second "trip prize" for Hayden and her go boy?

I have to change from Bilbo and SheRa on the money zone... they are just too dense.  Maybe Hayden and Aaron... maybe... 

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