Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless
corto

Another S2 Update!!!

Survivor 2 - the Australian Outback - land of dum-ass city folk and open fires...

(an episode so totally brought to you by the good folks at Mountain Dew Gotta Catch the Dew)

Man� OG's is just the most painful peeps to watch EVER. It's like watching � well, I don't know what it's like watch'en� but it's just gotta suck to be them!

The show opens last night with a face-on-camera quote from Scary-Jerri "If I don't get chocolate, I fear I might go psycho" Well�now, gee, unless I miss my guess� that scene has to be from a few weeks ago� 'cause Scary is soo long since gone over to the dark side�

Chief Pierre (Keith Famie) : The luckiest bug in the out-back. I'm thinking if they went to immunity challenge, the OG's would have lost and the blood bath would have floated Chief Pierre over the cliffs of despair. Alas, they will merge next time and we'll never get to see Cheese boi (Colby - did you notice how fricking big his head is?) alone with the spice girls�

Survivor Flambee:
This however, was not the case� was it? Nope� instead we are treated to a little excitement in the KU camp: Mike (gone native boi - or The Pig Killer) hyper-ventilates blowing on an open fire� and passes out face first into the fire pit� the pit that's been sporting a fire for days on end� Think those pit-rocks were hot?

Lets' see, we have Nick "Gee, ya should'a seen him. He was flopp'en around in the fire� I thought he was having a seizure or something. But ya know, I was busy sitting over here watching dirt build up on my toes or I would have tried to help him." Pawlease! Somebody harvest this guy for his water. Did anybody besides me scream at the helpless fleebs on the beach to get their collective asses into the water and help this weeks victim?

Oh, and we have the "Camera Crew Hut" live and in colour with the bottled water dispenser, Ikea furniture, nice beds� hehehe� You gotta know that if that camp exists in KU land then there's gonna be one in OG land. Can you just see the OG's, after the last tribal council, suffering in the torrential downpour, the completely awful, wet, cold existence� looking over at the "camera crew hut" and plotting ways to "Lord Of the Flies" all over them.

But wait: That would mean that Scary-Jerri (clearly the biggest nut-bar to ever EVER be passed through a Network Television Psych Screening) would have to have fantasized about something besides sucking some chocolate encrusted dick� Sorry, but the exact quote is "My wildest fantasy is pouring hot chocolate over some hot dude's bod and having sex while licking it off at the same time." Ok� you with me here? She said this OUT LOUD directly at the camera� So, besides dragging her anorexic love slave (amber) with her into the depths of depravity via the orgasms they were having talking food in the tent, she's obviously not thought the whole chocolate thing out. Folks, I'm here to tell ya that the chocolate and sex thing needs to be planned a little better� Champaign maybe.. but chocolate starts to look pretty phuquing evil when it drips all over your lovers ass� :D

Reward Challenge:
So off to the mail-tree go the hungry losers� and look'ing for all the world like she's going to expire at any moment� Scary comes bounding back to camp blocking our view of her love slave who, in her forced diet has become ample-amber, bust'en out of that little halter. So, if memory serves me, total hunger and starvation will reduce all sources of fat on your body� unless that fat is there by virtue of a little saline sack. Hmmmmm.

Watching OG get so close to winning and then loosing. Painfully watching Amber try to understand what the heck Scary was screaming at her� Stealing from nordicgirls great review today I gotta also say: "What's wrong Jerri? Can't train your lap dog!" (great line!!) Anybody else wonder what happened to the footage of OG's fighting over who got to get in the chair and bark out commands? Now, good TV would have been if after throwing that bucket of water on Scary, Cheese boi had pulled her skinny ass down off the high chair and gave her "bobbing for apples" lessons. He sure looked like that is just what he wanted to do�

So the deal was to pick a leader and do something in the dark to get a sponsorship-heavy pic-nik. Cool� What does the KU clan do? Drills, train, and practice practice practice. What do the losers, oops I mean the OGs do? Squeal like pigs and argue. Oh � oh� yea� the OGs did a little Thi-Chi to prepare. There's a runt like look'en Scary squeezing her ribs out at us saying "Reach towards the sky." Oh, yea� that'll get ya ready.

Chief Pierre just looks like he's ready to fricking kill Scary. In fact, so does Colbi, and so does Mrs. Brady� But Scary dodged the ultimate bullet by making to the merge. She's gonna fit in nice with the Hatchling and Miss Silver Panties� I'm telling ya that either Chief Pierre or Cheese Boi will be ousted next week�

Oh, I found Scary-Jerri's theme song�
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