Amazing Race 6
Jon & Bilbo: Superheros
Start yer engines... and they're off. It's Fat Albert holding his daughter back and the old guys gearing up for some serious CPR work. Captain Intensity and his yes-bitch will drive absolutely everybody crazy with his scream'en and we'll wait for Hayden and Aaron to be killed by the girls from Queens. :)
Good Afternoon Race Fans....
(a quick review of the show mechanics this week!
Welcome to Chicago!
~ grab yer pack and get to the airport.
~ fly to Iceland and drive yourself to a remote waterfall
~ clue it from waterfall to a glacier
~ do a little snowmobil'en and then sleep on the ice. (bunch up point)
~ wake up and get to "ice beach"
~ Detour – ice climb (cool ice wall climbing) or ice search (dumb ass motoring around a bay looking for a floating clue)
~ boogie to the pitstop at a place called "The Blue Lagoon".
A bug just flew into your mouth...
Rebecca (the girl with Horn Boy Adam) observers: "It doesn't matter what they say, I can't read them." When he asks her too look for the road sign directing vehicles to highway "1". Because you know... Icelandic for "1" on a road sign is prol'y full of extra "L's" and stuff...
Victoria; "Jonathan is like a train when he's after something... and I just try and stay out of his way..." er... yeah... WHAT?
Victoria SCREAMING at Jon-"I'm a little disappointed"-Jon the Big Yellow Butt Plug: "Focus... Focus". Oh man... I am already sick of them.
JonJon (the annoying guy) dressed in a bright yellow jacket, comes up to Bilbo in the airport (who is dressed in powder blue) and comments that they look like superheros. Bilbo kinda nods... but you know he's thinking... "Yeah I look like a superhero... and you look like a latex butt plug... but whatever..."
"For years our people wandered the desert so we could wander a glacier." Dude... don't even start with that shit... oh wait... YOU LOST so it doesn't matter. Carry on...
"My implants are frozen!" I think it was Lena... but it really could have been any of them except Hayden... bwaahahahaa...
"how does my butt look in these?" Um... Lena, it's a climbing harness... no matter how you slice it, your ass will look exactly like a person with an adult diaper...
"At my pace or in-front of me..." Phew... Good thing you explained that to Vic there JonJon.
"You do realize that I'm carrying more than you..." Oh... good point Vic.
"That doesn't matter... now come on!" Wait for it... wait... wait... damn, where's the 16 ton anvil when you really want it...
Mary Jean, being ever supportive of her ancient hubby Don, tells him "You're gonna have to sit forward the whole way there..." why? Because she can't figure out how to adjust his seat from the lay-back position. It's not like they could stop for a second or two and sort it out... sigh.
Yeah... so Lori and Bilbo... the wrestlers... providing entertainment for the kids by wrestling on the glacier... hahaha... the guy is a total card and made of giant chunks of muscle that look just a wee bit odd. Lori, not to be outdone, can bench press Bilbo and without bursting her big honking implants either. They will fight, argue and call each other names and probably make it to the final 3 or 4 teams before they go down in flames, all the while entertaining the heck out of us.
Um... Lena and Kristy. Good Mormon Girls that grew up to be ... not so Mormon after all eh. :D
Yeah... so when Meredith and Maria were lost... searching for the waterfall and Aaron, knowing full well that they have not been to the waterfall yet, motions for them to follow him (as he heads to the next leg – the Glacier) you just knew... that boy is a rip roaring little son-of-a-bitch. They drove an hour and a half in the wrong direction ... so an hour and a half back and then back again... gah!!! The depth of his cruelty was lost on the girls ... maybe... but it will be Hayden's loss when he earns everyone else's hatred.
Holy crap... Gus – aka Fat Albert - and his snowmobile tipping over from his abundant weight... bwaahahaha... [ :: click me now – sound file :: ] No really, they give us Fat Albert in the back of the car reading the map... his ginch and his gut sticking out as he tells his daughter to not speed... while all the other SUV's pass her. She has got to grow a spine here or Fat Blob Dad is going to have her back home eating Pringles inside of two weeks. They came in second last and that's TOTALLY because Dad is slow, dumb-ass and has trouble dragging that tire around. And he was in The CIA... er...yeah, ok. Phew... feeling safe now. They all wake up in little pup tents, after sleeping on the glacier and we're treated to Gus, in only his pants, washing his pits with slushy snow... oh lovely.
And I'm sorry to be down on the old guys but the fact remains that they are old and when dude said he's in as good shape today as he was 20 years ago... it had me wondering if he's then always been a lazy ass. The guy is like a stereotype nice-old-guy but that wont mean squat when they have to climb up a mountain path. They made it up the ICE WALL and that was impressive but I was sure the harnesses were going to split their Depends. You just know they will soon be saying "We're just happy to have made it this far...".
The Unbelievably Pathetic
Ok.. Horn Boy... the wank with the buzz cut and the little tufts of hair pinned up to look like little horns... really needs little pink bows in those hair tufts. If ever a man walked like a fag it's this guy. I swear it's all he can do to not bend both arms and hold them in front of his chest when he walks. Did you see "Legally Blonde" and the "bend and snap" scene? Yeah... This guy is here with Rebecca – here to for to be known as bitch-girl – are on the show to fulfill the "idiot quotient". She fills the Diesel SUV with regular gas and they blow out whatever lead they had. When they race against another couple for the pit stop... and win... she totally laughs in-their-face about winning. No she's not well versed in the ways of competition. :)
Do you say "Avi" like you were an old jew? I do. Can't help it. Avi ... Avi Avi... These two dolts are good buddies and we'll never know if they were gay ... because they made crappy choices right from the get go. The decision to putt around the bay looking for the floating clue thing instead of climbing the ice wall... I mean... even the Geriatrics climbed the wall. At the end... they were neck and neck with Fat Albert. Then Albert told them point blank that they were in the wrong place (while he backed out and then drove away) Avi and Joe just couldn't believe him and had to blow valuable time proving it to themselves... They even said "and why aren't we trusting him?" They came in last and they totally deserved it. I could do without watching Fat Albert's underpants hanging out of his pants all the time... but these two german helmets deserved to go... see ya Avi... Avi Avi Avi... "My nose is big, Avi, because the air is freeeeeee." You are LAST and you are gone.
... Checkered Flags & Crystal Balls
Yeah... well, I'm guessing it will be Bilbo and Lori or Hayden and Aaron.
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