Mostly harmless (corto) wrote,
Mostly harmless

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Survivor IX Update!!!

Survivor IX : Vanuatu

Stop Picking Your Thumb!

Wherein...the estrogen begins to drip... and form puddles. And those puddles are just playing the boys like the wee foo’s they are. Personally, I’m waiting for Ami to turn to the camera and say "Ah pity da foo’s". The games are all about brains and that, of course, rules out .. .. well, the boys. Oh, and Jury Member Number One is selected tonight. The tides come in and then they go out again... and you just never know what things will look like when that’s done.

Survive This!
(the show in as few words as possible!)
Well Sarge and Chris take the time to sit and ponder the big questions in the universe and end up looking like those guys on the Man Show. I expected Juggies but god save the foo that asks Ami to fulfill that role. Sarge is just about as pissed off as he’s ever been in his big Thumb Thumb life (all because what? The girls are doing better than the boys? Loser!) and then ... Scout starts singing to him. Hahahaha... oh my god I thought blood was gonna shoot out his eyes. Reward was a game of questions and answers. The correct answers... let you (no really) burn the skulls of the other players... last one with an unburned skull... gets to go on a big ol’helicopter ride and eat chicken wings... and I’m talking radioactive chickens... (the wings were like albatross dude). Leann wins this game and takes a little Julie action with her... because she prol’y likes her ass too, and then it’s back to camp where... the plot has thickened. The big alliance of Girls v. Boys is about ready to crumble, because, well... boys may be dumb but girls just can’t get along. It’s Tom Sawyer time with Apple Cores... or were those bones? And then they get a wee piglet to care for, and it’s off to the Immunity game. This is another think think think game... sorry guys. It’s a groove station puzzle game and the boys... suck big fat willies at this. Ami grabs that win and then it’s all about confusing us with the little plots they work out to fry this girl and that girl and one turn coat and then another. But in the end? We watch with buggy eyes as Chris joins the girls to vote Sarge’s ass off the islands-of-fire. Later Thumb Thumb. See ya on the Jury.

Most Memorable Moment
Ok... When the girls came back from their trip over the island in a helicopter, they had snuck a bunch of chicken wings back and a bunch of bones. The get back and feed the GIRLS the chicken wings... then collect the bones and add them to the other bones and ... and haul out the bones for the boys as if it’s some big gift. Now, if any of them had an actual brain, they would have made soup but instead... they gnaw on the bones like the stupid savages they are. And there’s Sarge... trying to make sense out of what he’s watching... because the girls are making like it’s Christmas to have all these bones (meanwhile digesting the chicken wings). It’s hard to explain... but think of Tom Sawyer telling the other kids how much fun it is to white wash the fence or eat apple cores. Yeah... that’s the ticket.

A Bug Flew In Your Mouth
Sarge, talking to idiot boy Chris... sitting on a log... dissing the girls; "I have depisal." (DESPISAL: (n) a feeling of scornful hatred) Geez Sarge... look at you all Mr. Smarty-Pants with the big words.

Jeff, as the immunity game gets ready to kick off... "Man, Sarge... You look mad!". And dude... I’m telling you, Sarge looked like some freak crack head staring down an old ladies purse. Way way too long away from his prozac.

Twila, at the Tribal Council session; "I feel more at home with the boys." Ok, so as long as she’s totally sure she has the numbers to hold it, then cool... but Ami’s head snapped around with a Michael Jackson Thriller like Swooooosh at this comment and she will kill Twila dead if she doesn’t have the numbers.

Reward? Food and a trip around the island on a 'copter. Way cool, and there’s booze. But first.. you have to answer these Vanuatu Trivia questions. The boys are out first... because ... they are stupid. Each right answer gets you the chance to go set a players Avatar like "shunken skull" a’blaze. Each player has three. Get ‘em all burned and your out. Eliza is all pissed at Scout... because Eliza is a big dorky suck that continues to look just like Gollum. When it gets down to the wire... the big deal question is something like: "True or False, the natives have a manhood ceremony involving the drinking of a small cup of lava..." and someone said TRUE. Good god woman... "here kids... drink a little liquid rock... don’t mind the flavour."
Any ways, Leann wins and elects to take Julie with her to improve their relationship. This all works and the boys really look fucked.

Now the dramatic lack of brain cells on team testosterone becomes very apparent. It’s a shape and colour puzzle deal with Jeff showing the gang an image and the gang altering their individual puzzles to match. Again, the boys are the first off and then it’s between the girls. It all sorts out to Ami holding the Immunity Necklace and it just doesn’t get any more complicated than that.

Resident Evil
Did you see Ami’s head snap around at Council when Twila said she gets along with the boys better. It’s like she simply cannot fathom anyone having anything to do with men. She’s a man hater... and a barista... with a nice rack... and funny teeth. Big future in that Barista gig?

The Darwin Affect
If you’re going to change teams in mid stream... perhaps you could work out a way to keep that to yourself when you do it. Sarge outs Twila at the Council meeting by talking about the Julie lie (Julie tells Twila the boys told her she’s going to the end with them to make Twila think the boys saying that to her was insincere... when in reality the boys never said that to Julie. – Smart girl. :D) Then, after Sarge outs her, she goes and says "I feel more comfy with the boys..." I don’t understand that... why paint a target on yourself?

Tribal Council
Well they had us thinking Eliza, Ami and Twila... but noooooo. The votes go out and come back as a resounding kick in the arse for Sarge. And best of all... Chris voted for Sarge. He obviously learned his lesson last week and asked Ami who to vote for. Ahahahahahahahaha...

Two things...
~ what the heck happened tonight? Did Chris get in an alliance with Ami or what?
~ next week.. the rains come... and come and come and come... hahaha ... You feel sorry for the little lamp... but that is because you are stupid. Hahaha...

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